College Application Essay Workshop First Peer Review of Senior Year Familiarity with Successful Peer Editing

Labeling Make a key at the top of the person’s paper using highlighters Sample: Pink=Showing Yellow=Telling Green=Connection to the “big picture”/prompt (and green words) Write (PRINT!) your name at the top of his/her paper

Showing vs. Telling Remember from Thursday/Friday: Abstract ideas like “nice,” “nervous,” “upset,” “scared,” “love,” “happy” ‘Telling’ an example rather than describing the example with specific images and sensory statements, like a story Showing: Paints a clear and vivid picture of how those abstract ideas apply to you, as exemplified in your anecdote(s) Clear, concrete descriptions – colors, senses, feelings (remember to ‘show’ the feeling without using the word, as we practiced in class) Highlight papers for showing vs. telling now

“Showing” Evaluation Check for clichés Is it vague? “Quiet as a mouse” “bored to tears” “bright as the sun,” “sick as a dog,” etc. Circle all clichés and rephrase next to each Is it vague? Do you get a clear picture of the story the writer is showing? If no, write a note at the end of their paper about this If yes, write how they achieved this

Characterization Box all the pieces of the anecdote that characterize the writer (or if an impersonal prompt, characterize the issue). Should be parts that show who/what the writer/issue is. (Green words.) Do you get a clear picture of those green words? If not, proceed to the next bullet. If there is no characterization of the writer/issue, write in the margins: “You need to characterize yourself/the issue.” Indicate where in the anecdote he/she could add characterization.

Thesis Check Does the writer have a thesis including 2-3 green words? Underline the green words If less than two green words, write a side note about it If thesis is missing, write that in the margins Are the green words supported by the anecdote? Go back through the anecdote. Has the author CLEARLY SHOWN how these green words exemplify the main idea(s) in the anecdote? If not, write which green words are not shown and which ones need to be clearer. Is the anecdote longer than ½ page? If so, help the person remove all “lard.”

Is it Connected to the Prompt? Look at everything after the anecdote: Highlight areas that connect the anecdote to the prompt (commentary). Circle areas that do not connect the anecdote to the prompt and feel “out of place” or “off topic.” Re-read the prompt Is the prompt being specifically addressed by the writer? If yes, write “fulfilled prompt” next to the prompt. If no, write “didn’t address the prompt” or “missing part of the question” next to the prompt. Circle any parts of the prompt that the writer has not addressed.

Cut the Fluff Read the paper again. Cross out anything that does not add value to the essay, does not fit in, is being repeated (can be extra words, phrases, clauses, or whole sentences). Cross out every example of “you,” “your,” “yourself(ves)” UNLESS it is part of dialogue in the anecdote. Cross out ALL instances of “Words Not to Use.” Specifically cross out: A lot, give, say, show, tell, and all instances of slang (stuff, hang out, chill, etc.) and vague words and superlatives such as: things, tons, great, fantastic, awesome, fascinating, excellent, great, big, etc.

Wonderful/Things to Consider At the end of your partner’s paper, write TWO things that he/she did really well: Be specific with details – help him/her out as much as possible. Everyone does at least two things right in every essay. Write TWO things that they need to improve upon: Be specific and offer suggestions for improvement. Always assume he/she has made an error or more because he/she read missed it by reading the paper to him/herself. Finally, take your partner in the hallway, and read each other’s papers ALOUD to each other. Listen to your own paper being read to you, and catch run-ons, fragments, and awkward phrasing.