4 Myths about Office Conflict Tom Tripp Professor of Management Associate Dean for Academic Programs Carson College of Business

Myth 1: It’s about Personality Differences Instead: Uncover the different preferences Preferences for: Different agendas and goals Communication method: Tell me now vs. do your research first Face-to-face vs. Email Blunt truth vs. discreet politeness

Myth 2: Other person is the jerk: The other person started it, and knows it.   We’re biased to believe this.

Biased Punctuation of Feud History

Myth 2: Other person is the jerk: The other person started it, and knows it.   Instead Remind Yourself: Lightning does not fall from a blue sky There’s three sides to every story, baby: Yours, mine, and the cold, hard truth - Don Henley

Own mistakes and aggression  blame on situation Myth 3: Other person is the jerk, Part 2: The other person harmed you, on purpose. Sinister Attribution Error: when harmed, if intent is ambiguous, we assume bad intent Actor-Observer Bias:    Whether one is the actor or observer (of an actor) affects where s/he sees the cause of the actor’s action. In Conflict: Own mistakes and aggression  blame on situation Actors look at the situation  blame situational factor Observers look at the actor  blame person Each other’s mistakes & aggressions    blame on other’s personality or intentions

Myth 3: Other person is the jerk, Part 2: The other person harmed you, on purpose. Instead Remind Yourself: Hanlon’s Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be explained by stupidity. Ask: Why would a competent, caring, rational person do what that person just did?

Myth 4: It’s best to defend yourself in front of the audience who heard the insult Instead: Turn the conversation….. Stop “Speak when you are angry, and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.” — Ambrose Bierce “ The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at a tempting moment.”       — Lady Dorothy Nevil  2. Listen “Listen first to understand, then to be understood. “— Steven Covey 3. Think Hanlon’s Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be explained by stupidity Solve “Focus on the problem, not on the person” — Fisher & Ury