High Conflict Personalities Mediation & Conflict Resolution

High Conflict Characteristics (Generally) Rigid and uncompromising Difficulty accepting and healing from loss Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance High conflict does not complete all five stages of grief; carries it with them Emotions dominate their thinking Inability to reflect on their own behavior Difficulty empathizing with others Preoccupied with blaming others Avoids responsibility Depends on others to solve problems

High Conflict Categories Aggressive Loud voice or yelling Finger pointing Staring, glaring, dominating postures Uncooperative Unwilling to agree to any solutions presented, challenge suggestions Say “no” frequently, shakes head Past and Problem Focused Focused on what happened, not needs to occur in future Repeat and rehash details, hardships, claims

Why are people “high conflict”? Past learning history We are shaped to behave as we do because of past social learning Personality Dynamics Our personalities are shaped in childhood, therefore, are deeply engrained and longstanding Personalities define who we are Emotional Investment Some people highly invested in their position, causing them to show strong emotions as they present position and perceptions Poor Communications Skills People with poor communication skills may struggle with being heard and understood Leads to strong emotions and/or inappropriate behaviors Lack of Perceived Equity Person often begins by making statements of entitlements Leads to escalated tension or violence (fight for what they think they should have)

High Conflict Personality Issues Possible personality disorders (Ex: antisocial, paranoid, narcissistic) Extreme behavior patterns Interpersonal dysfunctions Impulse control Lack of self awareness Why they are how they are How they contribute to their own problems How to change Why they are upset How they affect other people Do not gain insights from feedback Lack of adaptation: Patterned behavior Social impairment Internal distress

Left Brain / Right Brain LEFT HEMISPHERE Logical Brain Conscious Language, Thinking in words Planning, Systematic Examines Details Rational Analysis Positive and Calm Emotions RIGHT HEMISPHERE “Relationship Brain” Unconscious Thinks in pictures, Non-verbal skills Creativity, Art, Intuition Facial Recognition and Cues Gut Feelings, Negative Emotions (hurt, anger, fear)

Talking to the “Right Brain” Tone of voice and body language: calm, confident, firm Avoid logical arguments in times of stress Avoid giving negative feedback Avoid threats Don’t say they have a personality problem

High Conflict – Warning Signs Initial Stance: Approach situation with closed-mind or defensive Strong and Inappropriate Language: Rude, disrespectful, profane, verbal attacks or threats, repeated interruptions Inappropriate Body Language: Lean forward, rolling eyes, pointing, hitting nearby physical objects or own body, staring down other people, getting in someone else’s personal space Signs of Impatience: Questions like “How long is this going to last? How much longer?”, frequent references about time or schedules, suggestions that conversation is useless Escalated Tension: Continued inappropriate language or behavior, clear and observable friction, blaming other person for difficulties, name-calling, attack other person’s logic Anger: Strong emotional response, talking loudly, banging fist on desk, uneven breathing, making threats

Dealing with High Conflict People 1) Listen with empathy, attention and respect Acknowledge the person’s feelings (verbal, non-verbal); deal with your own Let the person know you care Connect, but don’t take over their responsibilities 2) Structure High conflict people need structure and goals, otherwise, emotions take over Stay focused on future and goals Turn complaints into proposals 3) Make a List Have the high conflict person write a list; it refocuses their energy and shifts back to left brain 4) Reality Test Keep burden of resolving dilemma on the parties, but can provide alternative solutions Educate or remind them about consequences

REMINDERS: This week is semester midpoint Journals due Sunday by 11:59PM Topics: Defensiveness, High Conflict Persons Monday 3/9: Bullying Wednesday 3/11: GSU Omsbud Office Guest Lecture