PARENTING ADOLESCENTS Dr.Sushma Desai. Parenting For Peace. www.parentingforpeace.in

INTRODUCTION Age group 10 to 19 years is known as Adolescents. A period of journey from childhood to adulthood. Undergoing tremendous physical (including reproductive),mental and psychosocial changes. Most important,formative years,with lifelong effects. Majority of the parents passing through middle age: struggling with the career, sandwiched between children and grand parents. www.parentingforpeace.in

INTRODUCTION (CONT.) Incomplete brain development *and high peer influence make them vulnerable to high risk behaviors like : Rash driving, Group violence, Substance abuse, Sexual experimentation, Self harm, Running away from home etc. Thoughtful, positive parenting promoting strong Parent-Teenager bonding –the BIGGEST PROTECTIVE FACTOR against high risk behavior. *The areas of the brain responsible for emotions are more developed, while the centers responsible for controlling the emotions and those responsible for Judgment are not yet fully developed. This makes them highly impulsive and rash in there behavior. www.parentingforpeace.in

The Principal Components of Parenting Responding to the needs :1) Caring for children, 2) Spending time and energy for them. Establishing Closeness : Hugging, giving a pat on the back, holding hands while talking. Helping to be independent : 1) Giving household responsibilities, 2) Avoiding un neccessary interference, 3) Encouraging to do task independently. Accepting the individuality : 1) Giving respect to what a teenager has to say, 2) Involving them in family discussion and considering their point of view. www.parentingforpeace.in

Components of parenting contd. Nurturing Self Esteem : 1) Avoid empty praise. 2) Avoid criticizing too much. 3) Have realistic expectation to what he/she can do. Accepting our own limitations : 1) Unable to spend quality time together? 2) Know and accept your physical and economic constraints.* 3) Try to understand the ever changing outside world and try to keep up with the contemporary advancements. Investing time and energy in the child’s early years can prevent small problems of childhood from becoming larger problems of adolescents. Don’t go beyond your capacity to fulfill the demands of your adolescent. Always try to explain the reality to your teen. www.parentingforpeace.in

PARENT ADOLESCENT RELATIONSHIP Three major areas crucial to the parent-adolescent relationship: 1) Sense of connection between a teenager and parent : consistent and positive connection, full of warmth and love ,help adolescent to become self confident, responsible and more empathetic towards others in the society. 2) Close ,non interfering monitoring : take genuine interest in their activities, know their friends and what do they do in free time, periodically meet the teachers and discuss the progress/problem areas of the academics. Such teenagers are less likely to get into troubles* and are more likely to avoid activities like-lying ,cheating ,stealing, substance abuse etc. Providing psychological autonomy : encouraging independent thinking ,and expression of ideas and beliefs, allow to validate feelings and expressing unconditional love- help them to stay away from violence and self harm. esp. falling prey of peer pressure and sexual abuse. www.parentingforpeace.in

TIPS FOR POSITIVE PARENTING UNCONDITIONAL LOVE : 1) Being on their side, no matter what. 2)Separating the teenager and the misdeed. 3) Not giving incentives. 4)Not bribing them for better results. KEEP A CLOSE VIGIL: 1)Monitoring daily routine. 2)Knowing the whereabouts and peer group. 3)Interacting the parents of peers. 4) Regular visits to the parent-teacher assciation. www.parentingforpeace.in

PARENTING TIPS CONTD. DISCIPLINE : 1) Explaining family rules clearly. 2)Authoritative parenting style. 3)Using time-appropriate rewards. 4)Using punishment in proper dose. 5)Maintaining consistency and uniformity in implementation of rules. INTROSPECTION : 1)Parents need to be a role model themselves. 2)Accept your adolescent with all his/her limitation. EDUCATE YOURSELF :about adolescent growth and development, behaviors to expect, effects of physical changes, and HELP YOUR CHILD deal with changes. www.parentingforpeace.in

PARENTING TIPS CONTD. REMEMBER YOUR OWN ADOLESCENCE: Your own changing feelings, anger at authority, and fears & hopes. Look at your teen’s behaviour in the context to those memories, LISTEN MORE THAN TALK : Give them a chance to express their ideas and beliefs, ventilate their feelings in order to establish their own identity. TEACH THEM ABOUT BOTH JOYS AND TROUBLES OF LIFE : Shielding them from realities of life can lead to frustration in young people while dealing with the hardships . They lack in coping skills. www.parentingforpeace.in

PARENTING TIPS CONTD. USE POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT FOR POSITIVE BEHAVIOUR : It is far more effective than criticism or punishment for negative behavior. Words that belittle can hurt adolescent’s self esteem. TEACH THEM RIGHTS AND RESPONSIBILITIES GO HAND IN HAND : Give your teen increasing responsibilities, provide opportunity to help around the house. Involve them in family decision-making discussions. Offer your teen chances to get involved in the COMMUNITY WORK. Can shift their focus from themselves, they feel involved and empowered. Help them develop skills and find their own place in the world. www.parentingforpeace.in

PARENTING TIPS CONTD. SPEND QUALITY TIME WITH YOUR ADOLESCENT: Time spent with caring parents is key to teen’s ability to grow emotionally and socially. ACCEPT THAT YOU TOO HAVE FEELINGS : You may feel frustrated, angry, discouraged or sad during difficult times. Being good parent doesn’t mean being perfect. Model the ability to APOLOGIZE, to set the example for your teen. This will help your child understand human frailty and ways to MEND RELATIONSHIP. www.parentingforpeace.in

PARENTING TIPS CONTD. All adolescents will try NEW EXPERIENCES ,and in the process, make some MISTAKES: Provide help to make right decisions ,esp when influenced by peers. Close monitoring helps a lot. SEXUAL ACTIVITY: At home, discuss about the risk related to it ,frankly, in a “matter of fact’ way. Parents can use media to start discussion on such topic. If feel uncomfortable discussing it, provide age appropriate books OR seek out information together. STAY IN TOUCH WITH YOUR TEEN: Call to check on them when they are alone at home, at coaching class. Make use of gadgets e.g. SMS, What’s app…. Such children are less likely to get into trouble. www.parentingforpeace.in

CONCLUSION Most Useful tools in raising young people are: UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, EMPATHY AND SENSITIVITY, GENUINE APPRECIATION, UNDERSTANDING AND… COMMUNICATION. Positive parenting provides the biggest ‘SHIELD’ against high risk behaviour. www.parentingforpeace.in