Improving Relationships with Yourself and Others Before talking about how to improve your relationship with others, you need to focus on improving your relationship with yourself

Improving your relationship with yourself…

Difference Between Self-esteem and Self-confidence Your opinion of yourself and your worth How you feel about yourself as a person Self-confidence: Your view on your abilities to accomplish something How you feel about your abilities to handle certain situations and tasks Can be confident in one area, but not in another Self-esteem is important for improving your relationship with yourself

Activity Write down a few things you feel you are competent in and care about. It is important to recognize your abilities and strengths.

Behaviors associated with high self-confidence Behaviors associated with low self-confidence Doing or saying what you believe to be right, even if other people criticize you for it. Altering what you do or say based on what other people think or believe. Allowing yourself to take risks. Remaining in your comfort zone due to fear of failure. Admitting when you are wrong, but realizing you are not perfect and everything is a learning experience. Trying to cover up your mistakes, or excessively apologizing. Accepting compliments in a graceful manner. Dismissing compliments and trivializing your skills and achievements. Self-confidence can show in many different ways: your behavior, your body language, how you speak, and what you say. This is a spectrum. Some more out going opinionated or shy (keep that in mind) High confident: risk could be taking a dance class even if you’ve never danced before It is not conceited to accept a compliment!

Remember… Self-confidence and self-esteem are not constant But it is important to practice skills to hopefully maintain a healthy level between the two

How do we improve our self-esteem and self-confidence?

Self-confidence and Body Language Cognitive Dissonance: when we have 2 conflicting or opposing ideas about ourselves Our mind automatically tries to “protest” this disagreement Body Language: If someone who is unconfident forces him or herself to use confident body language, over time he or she will actually start to feel more confident Nonverbal communication can say a lot Bullet #2: over time, the mind tries to bring these opposing ideas together to form one coherent idea Bullet #4: mind will alter the unconfident feelings to become more in line with the confident body language one is using. Our bodies change our minds Studies have been done  possible to improve confidence by changing body position

Altering our Body Language Posture Take up more space Power Posing Of course, we’re not implying one should invade someone elses space Remember: our nonverbal communication govern how we think and feel about ourselves Posture: standing up straight is associated with confidence while slouching is sometimes associated with submissiveness Take up more space: when one slouches, it appears that he or she is trying to look less threatening  utilizing more space portrays confidence Power Posing: chest lifted, head held high, arms either up or propped on the hips

Confirmation Bias “A tendency to search for or interpret information in a way that confirms one’s preconceptions, leading to statistical errors” (Science Daily) We should try to be aware of this and challenge these thoughts or else we can become stuck in a cycle Ex. I’m bad at cooking  I cook for my friends and they don’t finish everything on their plate  I think to myself “They obviously didn’t finish the food cause they did not like the taste since I am a bad cook

Reframing Thoughts Use milder wording: Not engaging in all-or-nothing thinking I am going to fail this test vs. I may not do as well as I would like on this test Changing your perspective is imperative! I’m stupid because I failed this test  It was a hard test and I tried my hardest ... or ... Just because I did not do as well as I would have liked does not make me stupid; I know I am smart I am always messing up  Sometimes I make mistakes, but so does everyone else. There are many times when I do things correctly.

Improving your relationship with yourself Focus on what you have accomplished as opposed to focusing on what you have not achieved Think of things you are good at / your strengths Accept your mistakes but be able to move on Avoid perfectionism Practice self-care Set specific goals and aim to achieve them Positive self-talk Find a hobby Reflect on your environment Accept that you are not perfect Remember: you cannot develop confidence overnight; it is a process and one must actively practice these skills

Ted Talks: Improving Self-esteem https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uOrzmFUJtrs

Activity: Everyone go around and say your name and one quality you like about yourself.

What is the connection? There is a strong link between self-esteem and the health of our relationships Low self worth can affect one’s behaviors  can affect relationship with others Low self worth  can make us negative

If you have low self-worth you might… Seek constant validation or compliments  might bother people (fishing for compliments) Take out your insecurities or anger on other people by acting out Might find yourself constantly being jealous of other people Constantly compare yourself and accomplishments to others

Does anyone have any ideas as to how one can improve his or her relationship with others?

The most important step to improving relationships with other people: Log onto instagram and like all their photos!!! JUST KIDDING 

Improving your relationship with others Small gestures Be more present and engaged Good posture and eye contant Remove toxic people from your life Be open minded Be understanding Communicate (assertiveness) Empathize Anticipate issues before they come issues Put away your phone Be appreciative, acknowledge their efforts

But, sometimes we need to self-reflect… Sometimes we need to think about some of our friendships/relationships: Is it a healthy or toxic friendship? Do I feel like I can be myself around him or her? Is he or she constantly putting me down? Does this friendship stress me out? Can I trust the person? While it may be healthier to distance yourself from certain people, sometimes that may not be the answer; try talking to the person about how you are feeling.

Questions???