Resilient Families Project Adult Program Fall 2016

Welcome – Introductions Ice Breaker Tonight’s Agenda Welcome – Introductions Ice Breaker Overview - Resilient Family Project 7 Skills of Conscious Discipline- Empathy Compassionate Listening Word Bubble Music Community Building

Snowy Owl Agreement Created by group last Spring Respect Trust Support & Love Laughter Good Listener Work together Willingness Patience Open Minded Kindness Hope for each other Understand One Another Encourage Compassion Strength Thoughtful of Others Goodness Convivial (Welcoming) What is said in group, stays in group

Ice Breaker On your name card, draw either: A square A Z A triangle A circle

Find your friends! All squares sit in one area All z’s in another All triangles in another All circles in another section of group

Similarities Talk amongst yourselves Share with group What do all the people in your group have in common? Share with group

Resilient Family Project Mission Family Matters Nurturing positive attachments between children and caregivers

6 Core Ideas of The Resilient Families Project 1 Resilience Begins with Anchoring in the Present 3 Packing Your Child’s Suitcase 4 Compassionate Listening 5 Conflict & Poor Choices are Teaching Opportunities 6 Transforming Our Families to Be Resilient 2 Keeping Your Glass Full B.Burns, Ph.D. (Santa Clara U) & L.Haynes, Ph.D. (U of Louisville)

Compassionate Listening Kinds of Listening Argumentative Antagonistic Autobiographical Empathic

Compassionate Listening Kinds of Listening Argumentative – Not really hearing what the other person is saying because you are in your head creating your arguments Antagonistic Not hearing creating your point of view response Autobiographical – You intercede your story Empathic – Listen with com

RESILIENT FAMILY SKILLS composure-encouragement- assertiveness-choices- positive intent-empathy- consequences Be real. Put in the work needed for a resilient life. Your and family deserve it.

Empathy wires brain for self control. Help accept and process feelings. Acts like a mirror. How you respond to upset teaches us how to respond to others. “You seem ___. Something ___ must have happened.” Empathy wires brain for self control.

Compassionate Listening

COMMUNICATION Foundation of relationships Helps us to feel heard and understood Is the exchange of messages Involves clear listening and clearly expressing ourselves Is also NONVERBAL

Compassionate Listening Take a Breath Go to your

Communication Being able to communicate positively and effectively take practice Does not come naturally!!! We need to be able to express ourselves clearly and REALLY listen to others QUIET LISTENING ACTIVE LISTENING

Good LISTENING IS A SKILL Compassionate Listening Good LISTENING IS A SKILL Allow real sharing Decide to listen Take the time Body Language

GOOD LISTENING How do we know when we are really being listened to? Body language Good listening means paying attention to body language. We show good listening by Making eye contact Facing the speaker Keeping our own body relaxed Good listening means listening without trying to second-guess or assume we know what the other person is going to say!

Compassionate Listening Listening practice Partner with the person across from you. One person goes 1st and talks about a recent challenge they are dealing with Person 2 listens with no comments. May want to acknowledge by moving your head and have positive body language

Mindful Moment:

Why Be Mindful? With Broderick

Compassionate Listening Sum and reflect Check feelings Ask friendly questions Active Listening

Compassionate Listening Listening practice With your partner talk about a recent positive experience or day in your life. Person 1 listens with feeds back with a positive recap of what the person said I heard you say…. Continue to acknowledge by moving your head and have positive body language

AVOID in ACTIVE LISTENING Beware Blaming Criticizing Lecturing Advising Judging Ridiculing Tone of voice is respectful and shows interest. You focus on the speaker. The more you demonstrate good listening skills, the more your friends will be willing to share their feelings with you.

Compassionate Listening Stop Talking “If we were supposed to talk more than we listen, we would have two tongues and one ear.” Mark Twain. Don't talk, listen.  When somebody else is talking listen to what they are saying, do not interrupt, talk over them or finish their sentences for them.  Stop, just listen.  When the other person has finished talking you may need to clarify to ensure you have received their message accurately.

Compassionate Listening Prepare Yourself to Listen Relax.  Focus on the speaker.  Put other things out of mind.  The human mind is easily distracted by other thoughts – what’s for lunch, what time do I need to leave to catch my train, is it going to rain – try to put other thoughts out of mind and concentrate on the messages that are being communicated.

Compassionate Listening Put the Speaker at Ease Help the speaker to feel free to speak. Remember their needs and concerns. Nod or use other gestures or words to encourage them to continue.  Maintain eye contact but don’t stare – show you are listening and understanding what is being said.

Compassionate Listening Remove Distractions Focus on what is being said. Don’t doodle, shuffle papers, look out the window, pick your fingernails or similar. Avoid unnecessary interruptions.  These behaviours disrupt the listening process and send messages to the speaker that you are bored or distracted.

Compassionate Listening Empathize Try to understand the other person’s point of view. Look at issues from their perspective.  Let go of preconceived ideas.  By having an open mind we can more fully empathize with the speaker.  If the speaker says something that you disagree with then wait and construct an argument to counter what is said but keep an open mind to the views and opinions of others.

Compassionate Listening Be Patient A pause, even a long pause, does not necessarily mean that the speaker has finished. Be patient and let the speaker continue in their own time, sometimes it takes time to formulate what to say and how to say it. Never interrupt or finish a sentence for someone.

Compassionate Listening Avoid Personal Prejudice Try to be impartial. Don't become irritated and don't let the person’s habits or mannerisms distract you from what the speaker is really saying. Everybody has a different way of speaking - some people are for example more nervous or shy than others, some have regional accents or make excessive arm movements, some people like to pace whilst talking - others like to sit still. Focus on what is being said and try to ignore styles of delivery.

Compassionate Listening Listen to the Tone Volume and tone both add to what someone is saying. A good speaker will use both volume and tone to their advantage to keep an audience attentive; everybody will use pitch, tone and volume of voice in certain situations – let these help you to understand the emphasis of what is being said.

Compassionate Listening Listen for Ideas – Not Just Words You need to get the whole picture, not just isolated bits and pieces. Maybe one of the most difficult aspects of listening is the ability to link together pieces of information to reveal the ideas of others. With proper concentration, letting go of distractions, and focus this becomes easier.

Compassionate Listening Wait and Watch for Non-Verbal Communication Gestures, facial expressions, and eye-movements can all be important. We don’t just listen with our ears but also with our eyes – watch and pick up the additional information being transmitted via non-verbal communication.

Compassionate Listening Word Bubbles Create a reminder to build your listening skills.

Community Support University of Louisville, Dept. of Psychology & Brain Sciences partnered with Wayside Christian Mission at Hotel Louisville Dr. Barbara Burns @ St. Clare University in California Unity of Louisville – Rev. Valerie Mansfield, outreach partner Erin Fitzgerald – Singer, author community activist Paws with Purpose – Women training service dogs SPAVA – Non Violent Communication Skills Compassionate Louisville

Thank You We appreciate each of you as we work together to create a positive opportunity for each one of us, the community of Wayside, students and staff from University of Louisville, and our Louisville Community Partners at large.