Relationship Behaviors Things that make or break our relationships!

Myth or Reality? I can change him/her All you need is love Improving communication skills can improve relationships You can’t depend on other people to make you happy This relationship failed because I haven’t found the right person yet I can’t live without him/her It is normal to get so angry that you hit someone Guys and Girls have the same relationship needs You always have to work at a relationship, even if it is healthy one

Gender Differences Are there differences? Does it depend on your culture? Generalizations Same sex and opposite sex relationships

Gender Differences? For #1 & 2, Write down your answers for BOTH genders! List at least 4 positives about each gender List at least 4 negatives about each gender What traits does your gender look for when developing dating relationships? What are some things you would like to know about the opposite gender?  - Ladies: what do you want the guys to know about women? - Guys: what do you want the ladies to know about men?

Important differences that men & women want in relationships What women want…. Caring and understanding Respect and devotion Validation and reassurance What men want… Trust and acceptance Appreciation and admiration Approval and encouragement

Relationship Definitions Bond or connection between two or more people List some of your relationships in each category: Family Friends Peers Platonic relationships Romantic relationship

What is Intimacy? Emotional Physical A spiritual or emotional connection with someone where you share goals, dreams, fears, hopes (sibling relationships, parent-child, friends) Physical A physical connection, usually involving some sort of physical expression between two people (dating relationships, marriages, committed couples)‏

How do we improve our relationships? Practice Assertive Communication Skills Focus on the problem, not the person! Accept people for who they are Remember you can’t “change” anyone If you can’t, move on Set a good example Be the kind of person you’d want to be friends with! Be patient / Take a TIME OUT Just because things don’t always go well doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed Take a TIME OUT if you start getting angry (Don’t make the other person “lose” so you can “win” Know when it’s time to move on Sometimes a relationship may never be healthy. Knowing when and how to end a relationship is important!

Positive Behaviors Listening- this is key, it builds most of the rest Trust, Respect & Honesty Assertive communication including Fighting FAIRLY, no name calling, holding grudges, etc Genuine Positive comments Caring behaviors Acceptance & Understanding Laughing & having fun together Keeping care/friendship/romance “alive” Share common values

Negative Behaviors Jealousy Insults/name calling Getting angry/losing temper Threatening (self or partner) Possessiveness/ Controlling Being over dependant Unrealistic expectations Never pleased with anything you do (“You always are late, you never call me back” etc) Asks you to do things they are expected to do (chores, homework, etc...)‏ Makes you feel bad about yourself more often than they make you feel good

RED FLAGS: Signs of an unhealthy relationship: Frequent use of anger and guilt Intimidation / Threats / Embarrassment Minimize, Deny, Blame Violence (emotional or physical) Isolation Drug and alcohol abuse Sexual coercion/manipulation

Teen Dating Violence Facts 1 in 11 teens reported being in a physically violent relationship last year 1 in 4 report verbal, physical, emotional or sexual abuse Look at Power & Control Wheel Causing Pain (video link)

What can we do to help? 866.834.4357 (HELP) – 24/7 hotline Listen to the victim, let them know you care If comfortable, say something while the behavior is happening, like “That is NOT ok!” Ask the person being abused if they want help or have sought help 866.834.4357 (HELP) – 24/7 hotline http://www.familycrisis.org/

Ok or No Way Game? Can you tell healthy from unhealthy behaviors in a relationship? Participation in our class discussion will count as your assessment for this unit!

Love vs. Lust “We” Centred “Me” Centred Trust & Honesty Few “bad” fights Responsible (birth control, STD prevention)‏ Private Intimacy Accepts the other Friendship grows continuously Good Communication “Me” Centred Jealousy/Suspicion Lots of “bad” fights Irresponsible Public Intimacy Tries to change the person Sexually Based Poor Communication

What is Love? *Essay Assignment* Reflect your understanding of healthy relationships that you learned in this unit. What are your personal views on love? What are all the healthy traits you want in a love relationship? How will you know it is love? What are ALL the characteristics you can think of about love? Minimum of 3 full paragraphs, topic sentence and conclusion required. *NO credit will be given for using internet sources. This is to be your personal beliefs at this point in your life. You may use quotations as long as you explain your beliefs about those quotes.* See example on next slide.

Excellent Student Work: What is Love? Love is hard to explain. This is the hardest and simplest question I have ever been asked; but probably the most important! Love is the strongest bond you can have with someone where you know the person so well, maybe even better than yourself. It’s when you care about their happiness more than your own. You give everything you have to that person and they give the same. Trust, care, honesty, and getting through the good times and the bad is all Love. Love is not wanting to be with anyone else because you already know you found the one that makes you the most happy! You bring out the best in each other and you want to spend the rest of your life with this person. Love stays with you forever, it leaves a stain on your heart that you carry along with you long after. Love is WORTH THE WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!

Key Points It’s easier to maintain a healthy relationship than to fix a broken one. Healthy relationships make you feel good! It’s ok to end a negative relationship! YOU DESERVE TO BE TREATED WELL in all relationships!