Key NLP skills to enhance your professional practice Brian O’Connell

Introduction Mediation Practitioner : M.I.I. Mind Coach/NLP Master Practitioner : I.A.M.C. Conflict Management Coach : CINERGY Trainer/Facilitator Conflict Resolution : I.I.T.D.

Objective of Workshop Outline benefits and application method of integrating key NLP skills into mediation practice Workshop is a general overview 1 day in depth training to follow in 2018 for those interested

Key NLP skills useful in mediation Creating rapport Achieving balanced outcomes Using persuasive language Challenging limiting beliefs

Neuro Linguistic Programming NLP is a collection of practical techniques, skills and strategies that can lead to real excellence. Can show you how your mind thinks And how your behavior can be positively modified and improved.

Neuro Linguistic Programming Modelling of human excellence - NLP studies found that the best communicators all had a powerful ability to create rapport with other people. They were able to communicate clearly, specifically and persuasively. NLP skills require rapport in order to be effective

3 Elements to Rapport Mutual attention - tuning into each other Shared positive feeling Unconscious response to each others’ movements and gestures

Matching to create rapport Matching means subtly and gradually adapting parts of your communication to be more in line with that of the other person. You achieve rapport by watching and listening, evaluating their values and matching them Look for dissonance, congruence and clusters of signals

Well Formed Outcomes Positive goal Evidence Context ‘Focus on what you do want – not what you don’t want’ Evidence ‘Have a way of knowing when you have achieved it’ Context ‘Where and when you want/ don’t want to have this outcome’

Well Formed Outcomes Achievable Advantages/Disadvantages Ecology check ‘Is this outcome within the influence of the parties involved?’ Advantages/Disadvantages ‘What are the advantages/disadvantages of this outcome’ Ecology check ‘Make sure the destination is worthwhile before you begin’

Useful ecological questions ‘Who or what else might be affected if you achieve this goal’ ‘How will your life differ when this happens’ ‘What would not happen if you achieved this?’ ‘In what way is this outcome important to you?’ Is there anything else to bear in mind?’

Useful ecological questions ‘How will this fit your life at work/home/club (specify) ‘Does anything stop you from achieving this?’ ‘What might be the disadvantages?’ ‘Will this make you feel empowered?’ ‘Is there any part of you that would object to this outcome?’

Exercise (in pairs) Choose an outcome you would like to achieve Take a turn asking each other a choice of the ecological questions to see if the outcome is worth achieving

Negative Pattern client in mediation process I know there is no solution And it’s a really bad situation It’s because the mediation has been dragging on all day that really causes me to have no confidence Which means it’s hopeless

Challenging limiting beliefs Recovering Information - Deleted - Distorted - Generalised Questions assumptions Shifts thinking and behaviour Useful in many contexts

Challenging Limiting Beliefs I know there is no solution How do you know? NO solution ? What would someone whose advice you trust say to you now ? What do you want to achieve by holding on to this belief ?

Challenging Limiting Beliefs And it’s a really bad situation Compared to what ? What do you mean ? Isn’t it more important that we look for areas we can build on

Challenging Limiting Beliefs It’s because the mediation has been dragging on all day that really causes me to have no confidence It’s not about how long it takes. It’s about reaching a lasting agreement. How do you know when to have no confidence ? If you keep believing that, what are the consequences ? How does the length of the mediation cause you to have no confidence ?

Challenging Limiting Beliefs Which means it’s hopeless and we will never reach agreement How does this mean you will never reach agreement ? Who says ? What’s stopping you ? What would happen if you could ?

Challenging Limiting Beliefs I remember after a very fraught and difficult mediation a couple said that they were so glad they were able to keep going and reach a worthwhile agreement.

Recognising patterns of behaviour Brain sorts through what the body is sensing and experiencing Filtering process helps guide and direct our thought processes Results in significant differences in behaviour from person-to-person

Recognising patterns of behaviour Understand other people and their psychological tendencies Adapt your behaviour and approach while communicating with other people Develop deeper levels of rapport and influence

Recognising patterns of behaviour Toward or Away Towards pleasure or away from pain. External or Internal Frame of Reference Rate your own performance or feedback from others. How do you know when you are doing a good job ? Sorting by Self or Sorting by Others What’s in it for you or what’s in it for others. Do you put yourself or others first ?

Recognising patterns of behaviour Matcher or Mis-matcher See what’s the same or see what’s different. Do you collaborate or do you look for inconsistencies ? Convincer Strategy What it takes to convince someone of something. How do you know when to purchase something ? - automatic, number of times, period of time, sensory.

Recognising patterns of behaviour Possibility vs. Necessity Focus on just what you need or look to expand your opportunities and possibilities. Why are you choosing to do what you are doing ? Independent, Co-operative and Proximity Working Styles Do you work best independently, as part of a group or somewhere in between ?

Exercise As a mediator : – Which are the top 3 patterns from this list which would be useful to recognise in your clients ? Discuss in pairs

Questions ?