Domestic Violence 11 Do this lesson with women police if possible

This is Vani. She looks sad This is Vani. She looks sad. 3 months ago she saw the doctor because she had chest pain after she said she had a fall at work. Last month she saw the doctor because she said she had back pain and also had a cut to her arm. She said was made by an aruval injury. Now she has come because she has a bruise to her leg. She said it was an accident because she fell again at work. What do you think is wrong with vani? There could be many answers. In the next slide you will see hat happened at home last night.

Last night at home. Please look at this picture Last night at home. Please look at this picture. The man is Shanthi’s husband. What thoughts go through your mind? May be you have even see this happening at home?

Why did Shanthi not tell the truth to the doctor? Discuss answers. Some women feel the husband has a right to beat them Shame Love hate relationship they cannot break Afraid to get help. More violence if he finds out Cannot leave the children and go anywhere Accusing or Leaving your husband is wrong Society feels it’s the husband’s right and woman’s duty to bear it

Her husband says She is my wife Her husband says She is my wife. I have a right to beat her and its no body’s else’s business. What do you think? Did you know that 5/10 men feel they have a right to beat their wife and they do nothing wrong if they do? What do you think?

Did you Know. India feels Domestic violence is a crime whoever does it even if it’s the husband. INDIA SAYS NO!

INDIA SAYS NO. There is never an excuse for men to beat women INDIA SAYS NO! There is never an excuse for men to beat women. It is wrong whoever does it- even the husband

DV effects on children. Look at these pictures DV effects on children. Look at these pictures. Has this happened to you? What effect will it have on these children?

What do you feel when you see this picture What do you feel when you see this picture. This lady married a man and moved to his town far away from her own family. She feels all alone. She gets beaten every week by her husband. Should she tell anyone? What do you think?

Did not tell or ask for help. DV can result in death Vani’s parents were poor. When Vani was 18 she wanted to study. But her parents decided she should marry. They found a related man who was looked good. He was known to drink alcohol “once in a while” He spoke and behaved in a nice way. Vani was happy. She was married to Senthil. She was sad to move home to Salem 200km away but she loved her husband and he loved her

At first they were happy But Senthil always controlled her. He would not let her go to her family or talk to others When she talked to anyone he would become suspicious and get angry. Senthil would not let her have any money to spend.

Then the beatings started. Nothing Vani did was ever right Then the beatings started. Nothing Vani did was ever right. He would complain and get angry over little things. It was worse when he was drunk. The neighbours heard the shouting and beatings and they heard Vani scream. Ask why No one did anything? People were scared of Senthil and others said he has the right to beat her or its none of their business

He would be loving at times and but a few gifts He would be loving at times and but a few gifts. He would say he was sorry and he was sorry when he said it. He would beg for forgiveness. Violent men often do a few good things. They also talk nicely to others. But the violence starts again always.

Do men even husbands have the right to force sex on women or wife even when she does not want it?

One day……. Who is to blame? Only Senthil?

Rewind the story Neighbours say NO! They help take Vani back home With the children They tell the police They tell Senthil he needs help

What Vani had to do She said enough! She realised she does not deserve it. There is NO excuse for violence She decided to act She made a plan She told those she can trust and got their help She left- sometimes you need to do that. She recognised that if she did not leave she may die and her children will be scarred in their mind for life.

Effect on children Why is this child Naveen hard to make friends with and always alone? How many of you felt like this at some time?

Children are like buds. They need love to grow into something beautiful. But they can be damaged. But unlike damaged roses the scars are inside their minds and does not show on the outside

Effect on children? Loss of self confidence Depression Anxiety and mental illness Poor school studies They grow into violent angry people Perhaps worst – They lose their chance to be children who are loved You can help them but it can be hard

If you are a man who cannot stop beating your wife or drinking: Help is available. But you need to want to change and believe you can. Stop blaming it on alcohol. Take responsibility for your actions.

If you ever grow up to be a man who is violent to his wife…. Admit you have a problem. You are responsible for your violence- do not make excuses- there is no excuse for violence. Only if you do this you can change. If you drink a lot of alcohol- alcohol rehabilitation Talk to people you trust and tell them you have a problem. Anger management help Priests in temple or church, village elders, doctors, senior understanding relatives

If you are a child and your father is violent You will be scared but you can break fear with love When he is not angry understand what he feels How can you break that fear- make a cup of coffee, just hugging…… Tell them how you felt at the right time including your fear Expect resistance at first- give time Don’t give up Be loving to your mother. She does not deserve to be beaten. Use the child helpline.

No need to show strength through violence

If you are a neighbour relative or friend: Please help the woman or child who is living in a violent house. You’ll do something beautiful for God and bring love and comfort to those who get nothing

Help! Phone Numbers: Shanti Crisis Line: +91 - 44 - 43111143 Women Police Helpline: Chennai - 1091 E-mail: pcvc2000@yahoo.com Child help line 1098 Thandikodi Police station 04542 – 266331 (Not usually answered) Kodaikanal Women’s Police station 04542 - 241225

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