Learning How To Work It Out? Social Skills Life Skills Training Introduce yourself and the presentation title. Let the audience know whether or not you can take questions during or at the end of the presentation (time permitting). Presenters will see notes to cover information at the bottom of each slide. Begin: Good morning/afternoon, My name is (insert Name), welcome to today’s session on 5th grade social skills. 5th grade is the time all kids are going through social adjustments, they are the oldest in their schools and about to become to bottom of the totem pole next year once they enter 6th grade. This is the perfect time to teach them skills for life, and with the help of today’s session you can teach your child how to get along with others and work out their differences. Today we will cover: -Conflict and Conflict resolution -Types of Conflict Styles -Conflict outcomes

Social Skills The way we interact or get along with others Making friends or enemies Positive Social Skills Negative Social Skills Social skills are an important tool that are necessary for life. Social skills are what allows us to interact with others; interacting successfully gives us friends, unsuccessful interaction is what causes enemies.

Conflicts During conflict people feel angry, afraid, frustrated or confused Conflicts are issues/discussions that arise between individuals when they do not agree with one another. During conflicts the individuals involved are angry, frustrated or confused and this could promote them to say/do things that they would not normally do if they were in their usual state of mind. We need to help our children sort out their conflicts, they them know that when they have a disagreement with someone they need to put it on hold until they are calm and ready to discuss in a civilized manner. This helps conflicts to be resolved as opposed to making them escalate.

Conflict Resolution Deciding how to solve an argument or disagreement. Finding a way to work out a problem without being physical. Everyone has the tools to resolve conflicts peacefully Conflict resolution is what we call working out a problem or conflict with another individual. First, decide if the argument is really worth being upset over, can your child just blow it off and go back to how things were before the argument? If not, they must find a way to work the problem out without being physical or verbally abusive. -For help, your child could visit the counselor, they are trained in conflict resolution and would be happy to listen and assist. Everyone is capable of solving conflicts peacefully, it is when we try to solve them when we are angry that they turn into bigger problems. The key is to wait until everyone involved is calm and ready to talk it out, this will allow all parties involved to be civil and willing to listen.

Check this out: how would you react? Every day Jean goes to the cafeteria she passes by a group of boys at their lockers who tease her. She does not like it when this happens, but she is not sure how to react. This is a typical middle school/high school scenario. The girl doesn’t know what to do, but at one point she may get tired of it and react in a way that is out of her character. What would you do in this situation? What would you advise the young girl to do?

Possible Answers: Yell at the boys Hit them and try to make them stop Get her big brother to beat them up Pretend that it doesn’t bother her Try to walk the long way to the café Try to reason with the boys Tell the teacher Go tell the principal and complain There are many choices that the girl has with how to handle the issue at hand. Many people would probably yell at the boys just because they have had enough and have hit a breaking point. If your child comes to you with a similar issue you should advise them to pretend that it doesn’t bother you, once the boys see that it doesn’t bother the child then they will stop because it isn’t worth their time anymore. Also, suggest that they walk the long way to the cafeteria, that way they won’t come into contact with the boys at all. If the issue is serious the young girl could bring it to the attention of an adult who works in the school, but sometimes this creates more problems because the students may pick on her more for telling.

3 Types of Conflict Styles Confrontation Avoidance Problem Solving The following slides will discuss the three types of conflict styles that we are faced with: 1. Confrontation 2. Avoidance 3. Problem Solving

Confrontation Attacking the person you disagree with by yelling at them or physically pushing or hitting them. Confrontation is the worst way to solve conflicts. Confrontation involves attacking the individual(s) who you are disagreeing with either verbally or physically. Confrontation does more harm than good in solving conflicts.

Avoidance Not dealing with the disagreement by pretending that it does not exist, or changing what you do so you do not see the person that you are disagreeing with. Avoidance is a simple way to solve conflicts. By avoidance you pretend that the issue does not bother you or you alter what you do so that you do not have to see the person. Avoidance is a good way to handle conflicts if you do not feel that the issue is serious or if you are a type of person who does not like to bring up conflict issues with people for fear of starting more trouble. Avoidance is the perfect option if you feel the person cannot be reasoned with.

Problem Solving Working together with the person you are disagreeing with to make a compromise. Problem solving is the best option to take when dealing with conflicts. This allows the involved parties to both calmly talk out their differences and come to an agreement that suits them both. A lot of times conflicts arise from misunderstandings and through problem solving this can easily be fixed.

How to Problem Solve a Conflict: Stop blaming Define the problem Consider asking for help Think of alternative solutions Evaluate the alternatives Make a decision Follow through However, with problem solving there are some important steps that must be followed in order to accurately solve the issue. You need to make sure that you do not blame the other party, go in with an open mind and state the problem at hand. Ask for help from mediator if necessary, this makes sure things do not get out of hand. When solving a problem think of multiple solutions that will benefit each party, you must compromise in order to satisfy everyone. When all alternatives are presented think of the one that suits each party best. The most important thing is to make sure that you follow through with what the decision was. You cannot solve a problem unless you follow through with your part of the deal.

Back to the Jean’s Story: Yell at the boys (Confrontation) Hit them and try to make them stop (Confrontation) Get her big brother to beat them up (Confrontation) Pretend that it doesn’t bother her (Avoidance) Try to walk the long way to the café (Avoidance) Try to reason with the boys (Problem Solving) Tell the teacher (Problem Solving) Go tell the principal and complain (Problem Solving) Earlier, when we were talking about Jean and how she could deal with the boys who were picking on her she was faced with many options as to how to deal with the issue at hand. Each choice that she could make fell into one of the three categories. As you can see now, the ones that fall under the avoidance or problem solving category are the ones that Jean should consider when the boys are picking on her,

Possible Outcome (Results) Win-win: both sides’ most important needs are met during conflict resolution. Win-lose: only one person’s needs are met during conflict resolution. Lose-lose: No one’s needs are really met during conflict resolution. When solving conflicts there are three possible outcomes: -Win-Win which is the best result because it leaves both parties satisfied. During win-win outcomes the most important needs of both parties are met. -Win-lose which occurs when only one persons needs are met. -Lose-lose is the result of no one’s needs being met. This occurs either when each parties needs are not obtainable or either party refused to budge and compromise.

What if Jean used…… -Confrontation: -Avoidance: -Problem Solving: Win-lose: she might scare them off win-lose: the boys laugh it off and tease her more Lose-lose: both Jean and the boys might have gotten in trouble Win-lose: Jean would feel bad because she had to pretend the teasing didn’t bother her or go out of her way to avoid it Win-win: the boys might have stopped teasing her Win-lose: the boys might have gotten in trouble and would have to stop teasing her The above outcomes show what might have happened depending on how Jean handled the conflict. This presents another example as to how problem-solving is the best route to take. Teach your children about problem solving, how they must be calm and willing to talk and hear each side of the situation. Tell them not to jump to conclusions, they cannot blame the other party and they must be open minded and flexible.

Points to Remember: A lose-lose situation is usually caused by a confrontation style. A win-lose situation is usually caused by avoidance or confrontation. Problem solving usually leads to a win-win situation. Lose-Lose results never solve the problem, each party is left unhappy. This is usually obtained through confrontation. Win-Lose situation is caused by avoiding the individual causing the issue or even by confronting the individual. Win-lose could either be a bad outcome or a good one depending on how it is handled. Win-win is the outcome of problem solving—the best solution to any conflict!

PEACE The ultimate goal is to have peace among everyone. No Fighting No Fussing Talk with one another calmly Peace among individuals is the ultimate goal that we strive to obtain. We need to teach our children how to get along with one another and how to deal with conflicts that they may be faced with.

THE END Thank you for joining today’s session. I hope the information presented was helpful to you and I hope you plan to relay this information to your children. If you have any questions or comments please do not hesitate to ask me before you leave or to contact me via email. Thank you for your time and attention!