Giving yourself a break without losing your edge Self-compassion Giving yourself a break without losing your edge To provide feedback for the following module please email cwb@gmu.edu with “Resilience Modules: Name of Module”” as the subject and address the following questions: On a scale from 1 (not useful) to 7 (very useful) for your classroom/workshop, how would you rate this module? On a similar scale from 1 (not enjoyable) to 7 (very enjoyable), how would you rate the participants’ experience? How likely do you think that your students/participants will use these skills later, 1 (not likely) to 7 (very likely)? If you’d like to include further information about how many participants, approximate age range, setting, etc. that would also be helpful to our mission. Compiled by the Center for the Advancement of Well-Being at George Mason University

Exercise 1: Three faces Step 1: Identify something that is currently bothering you (e.g.., a relationship, a stressor, a setback) Step 2: Place 3 chairs in a triangle. Assign each chair these roles: 1. inner self- critic; 2. the criticized (the part of you that feels judged); and 3. the compassionate observer. Your task is to role-play all three parts of yourself. Step 3: Take the chair of the self-critic. Express out loud what the self-critical part of you is thinking and feeling. What types of words are you using? What emotions are you feeling? What is your body posture like? Step 4: Take the chair of the criticized [Same directions as Step 1] This exercise is modeled on the two-chair dialogue studied by Gestalt therapist Leslie Greenberg. It works best with small groups. For more exercises: http://self-compassion.org/category/exercises/#exercises

Exercise 1: Three faces Step 5: Dialogue between critic and criticized. Switch back and forth between chairs. Try to fully experience each aspect of yourself. Allow each voice to be heard. Step 6: Take the chair of the compassionate observer. Draw from your own wisdom. Address both the critic and criticized. What do you say to each voice? What is your tone of voice? How do you differ in your approach to both voices? Step 7: Reflect. What new insights do you have about how you treat yourself or where your patterns come from? What new ways do you have for thinking about the situation productively and supportively? This exercise is modeled on the two-chair dialogue studied by Gestalt therapist Leslie Greenberg. It works best with small groups. For more exercises: http://self-compassion.org/category/exercises/#exercises

Exercise 2: How would you treat your friend? Think about a time recently when a close friend was struggling. How did you respond? Write down how you typically respond to your friends when they are feeling bad about themselves. Next, think about a time recently when you felt bad about yourself. How did you respond? Write down what you typically do, what you say, and the tone in which you say it. What differences did you notice? What reasons can you identify for these differences? How would things change if you responded to yourself in the same way you responded to your friend? http://self-compassion.org/exercise-1-treat-friend/ For more exercises: http://self-compassion.org/category/exercises/#exercises

Ways to challenge critical self-talk Notice when you’re being self-critical (e.g., being angry at being anxious) What words do you use? Soften your self-critical voice (e.g., it’s okay to be anxious) Respond with compassion not judgment Reframe self-critical observations (e.g., anxiety helps me prepare) What might a compassionate friend say? See: http://self-compassion.org/exercise-5-changing-critical-self-talk/

Self-compassion... Buffers against negative feelings when imagining distressing social events Moderates negative emotions after receiving vague feedback Helps people acknowledge their role in negative events without feeling overwhelmed with negative emotions Buffers against anxiety Helps people adaptively cope with failure Leary, M. R., Tate, E. B., Adams, C. E., Batts Allen, A., & Hancock, J. (2007). Self-compassion and reactions to unpleasant self-relevant events: the implications of treating oneself kindly. Journal of personality and social psychology, 92(5), 887. Neff, K. D., Kirkpatrick, K. L., & Rude, S. S. (2007). Self-compassion and adaptive psychological functioning. Journal of research in personality, 41(1), 139-154. Neff, K. D., Hsieh, Y. P., & Dejitterat, K. (2005). Self-compassion, achievement goals, and coping with academic failure. Self and identity, 4(3), 263-287.

Increasing your self-compassion Keep a self-compassion journal -- process the difficult events of your day through a lens of self-compassion Ask others to help you identify ways in which you are being overly critical of yourself http://self-compassion.org/exercise-6-self-compassion-journal/