Lesson 4: “3 Connection Strategies” Coaching Lesson 4: “3 Connection Strategies”

Recap of Lesson 3: 5 Principles of Powerful Interactions: The Five Principles (Review): Strengths-based perspective searches for and highlights competence. Clear articulation shares observations AND describes why the practice was effective. Individualization supports trusting relationships needed for learning – the “just right fit.” A mutual learning partnership promotes shared responsibility and accountability. Modeling matters: what I say and do influences ALL outcomes.

Recap of Lesson 3: 3 Steps of Powerful Interactions: Step 1: Be Present to Coach Step 2: Connecting as a Coach Step 3: Coaching to Extend Learning Use the 3 steps whether you are corresponding via email or text, on the phone, doing an observation, or having a brief conversation in the hallway.

Digging Deeper into Step 2 Step 2: Connecting as a Coach Moments of connection are the building blocks of relationships. When people feel connected, they feel seen, heard, recognized, and acknowledged. NOTE: Just like therapists are expected to build positive connections with every child and family, you are responsible for building a positive connection with each practitioner. You don’t have to be “best friends” or even like every practitioner. You don’t have to agree on every philosophy or practice.

Recap of Previous Lesson 3 Connection Strategies: Step 2 Connecting as a Coach / 3 Connection Strategies Three strategies to connect with practitioners and build positive relationships that provide the security a coachee needs to be open to exploring, experimenting, discovering, and learning in your work together: 3 Be Trustworthy Listen to Learn Communicate to Form Partnerships

Digging Deeper into Step 2 Connecting as a Coach Strategy 1: Be Trustworthy Connect Strategy One: Be Trustworthy In trusting relationships, coaches are transparent about their role and the role and the work they will do with teachers. To be transparent means to begin a conversation about the purpose of the work you and the teacher will do together. Coaches begin a discussion of goal setting and the need for the teacher to feel ownership of the goals. They’ll talk about how often they’ll meet, when the coach will observe, and about feedback sessions. During this conversation it is vital to agree on the expectations for how you will work together.

Digging Deeper into Step 2 Connecting as a Coach Strategy 1: Be Trustworthy Connect Strategy One: Be Trustworthy We trust someone we can rely on – someone who is steady and dependable. Think of a person in your life whom you feel is trustworthy. What is it about that person that makes you think so? Trustworthy people exhibit these qualities: Follow through/keep their word (do what they say they’ll do) Be genuine and show appreciation of the coachee’s work Recognize boundaries Recognize that we all make judgments and use yours to help you see the positive Own your mistakes Are there when we need them “High trust connections can inspire greatness. Such connections free up practitioners to take on new challenges by virtue of the safety net they create.” (Tschannen-Moran & Tschannen-Moran 2011a, 13)

Digging Deeper into Step 2 Connecting as a Coach Strategy 1: Be Trustworthy See video #13: Tychawn offers her insights into what it means to be trustworthy. Connect Strategy One: Be Trustworthy You demonstrate that you’re trustworthy when you: * Use a colleague’s strengths as the foundation of your conversations and work together. * Individualize your interactions to address coachee’s personal style, experience, language, culture, needs, and interests. * Acknowledge that you too are a learner in the partnership.

Digging Deeper into Step 2 Connecting as a Coach Strategy 2: Listen to Learn Connect Strategy Two: Listen to Learn People who really listen are often described as “trustworthy.” Listening is the basic form of respect for others. Through listening, we put ourselves aside for a moment and try to understand and, if possible, empathize with another person. Active listening is both an art and a critical skill. What do you “get” from the Chinese word for listen about expectations for listening in the Chinese culture? How is this different from American ideas about “listening?”

Digging Deeper into Step 2 Connecting as a Coach Strategy 2: Listen to Learn Connect Strategy Two: Listen to Learn Active listening takes focus and energy. What is “active listening?” Putting aside your assumptions and agenda to be open to what the other person is trying to communicate Choosing to pay attention and find meaning in what someone says (and doesn’t say) by paying attention to words and body language Communication researches found that “individuals recall only 50% of a message immediately after listening to it and only 25% after a short delay.” (Pearson, et all 2011, 113.)

Digging Deeper into Step 2 Connecting as a Coach Strategy 2: Listen to Learn Connect Strategy Two: Listen to Learn Your Coaching Stance: Listen to Learn You are more likely to listen to learn when you: Are open to hearing strengths Quiet the temptation to form judgments Trust that you can learn from the coachee and let the coachee know when you are learning from him/her Focus on the specific actions the coachee describes so that you can help him/her articulate his/her intentionality Individualize how you listen and respond to fit a coachee’s personal style and temperament

Digging Deeper into Step 2 Connecting as a Coach Strategy 2: Listen to Learn Connect Strategy Two: Listen to Learn Tips for listening to learn: Convey the message, “I hear you” (communicate that the speaker has your attention verbally and nonverbally) Keep an open mind (be present, express curiosity, stay calm if you disagree) Quiet your own agenda Ask for additional information (spark the speaker to elaborate on his/her thinking) Minimize distractions Think about how you look when listening Allow pauses for thinking Take notes while listening Check for understanding (paraphrase to summarize) Be open to ways that culture may affect listening. See video #15: Jill quiets her agenda. See video #14: Helena supports learning about culture.

Digging Deeper into Step 2 Connecting as a Coach Strategy 3: Communicate to Form Partnerships Connect Strategy Three: Communicate to Form Partnerships Can you remember a time when you tried to convey a message to someone but what the person heard wasn’t what you intended? Or, perhaps the opposite occurred. Have you been hurt or offended by someone’s message, but it turned out that what you understood wasn’t the other person’s intended message?

Digging Deeper into Step 2 Connecting as a Coach Strategy 3: Communicate to Form Partnerships Communication is a complex process that involves different components: Word choice Tone Inflection Pace Delivery Volume (loud or soft voice) Nonverbal components of the message

Digging Deeper into Step 2 Connecting as a Coach Strategy 3: Communicate to Form Partnerships Nonverbal communication includes: Body language Facial expression Physical distance between speakers Gestures Silences Often we are unaware of the messages we send through nonverbal communication, and what we intend to convey is not what the person receives.

Digging Deeper into Step 2 Connecting as a Coach Strategy 3: Communicate to Form Partnerships Connect Strategy Three: Communicate to Form Partnerships Effective communication is two-way Your Coaching Stance: Start conversations with “I notice” statements to validate the practitioner’s strengths Call attention to his/her intentionality by using facts to describe the practitioner’s actions and the impact these actions have on learning Pose questions that invite the practitioner to talk about his/her decision making Check in with the coachee about how he/she would be most comfortable communicating

Digging Deeper into Step 2 Connecting as a Coach Strategy 3: Communicate to Form Partnerships Tips to Communicate to Form Partnerships: Provide a predictable structure for conversations. Pay close attention to the words that you use. Keep conversation on-going (follow up on previous conversations, revisit goals, etc.) Pause between comments. Write notes about what you want to say. Keep emotions in check. Be sure there is understanding. Avoid labels, jargon, shorthand. Fit the practitioner’s style. Manage your time (longer is NOT better).

Step 2 – Connecting as a Coach Strategy 3: Communicate to Form Partnerships REALITY CHECK: Sometimes we’re caught off guard and we blow it. When this happens, apologize. Karen shares this insight, “I was thinking that we all have a choice to be reactive or responsive. If we choose to be reactive, that may deal with the person’s situation at that moment, but it won’t necessarily empower him to handle the next situation. And if we are responsive, we may not solve his problem for him, but he will walk away empowered, supported, and heard.”

Digging Deeper into Step 2 Connecting as a Coach Strategy 3: Communicate to Form Partnerships Connect Strategy Three: Communicate to Form Partnerships HELP, I can’t bear to talk to this person! Listen for “the nugget” Focus on noticing the person’s strengths Watch your internal clues that you have stopped listening actively: -- feeling irritated -- feeling “too busy” -- wishing they’d “hurry up” -- interrupting thoughts “what am I going to make for dinner?”

Discussion/Reflection: What stood out as particularly meaningful to you? Reflect on those you coach or may one day coach. In what ways would they say you are trustworthy?

Putting It into Practice: Coaches’ Homework for Lesson 4 Self-assessment: How well do I really listen? How do I handle silence in conversations? Do I get restless or bored when listening? Are there certain situations where this is more likely to happen? What do I do and how do I feel when I am truly listening? How well do I really listen? Coaches post their answers in the blog space on the team’s site: http://upcoaches.weebly.com/blog-spot prior to Lesson 5 to document their work and to be accountable to the team!

For Additional Support: Visit The Powerful Interactions Web site and create a user account (at no cost) http://www.powerfulinteractions.com/ On the Powerful Interactions Web site: View Videos 13, 14, 15, 16 (in the members’ area): View the blog post Reflections on Strengths-Based Articulation: “I notice that you ___. This matters because ___.” 6 / 22 / 2015

Additional Resources: Here’s what classroom teachers shared about what would help them connect to a coach and build trust during a classroom visit. Think of how you might apply these tips to working with those you coach. Connecting as a Coach Let me know ahead of time, that way I have time to think and prepare. Wait a moment, and I will introduce you to the children when the time is right. Avoid grand entrances, that distracts everyone. Remember that I am focused on my interactions with children. I will interact with you when I can. When entering my classroom, be present. Be aware that it makes me nervous to be observed. Take note of the time you are visiting and how that might impact what you see. Ask yourself, “should I stay or should I go?” or “Should I engage with the teacher at this time or leave a note?”