Conflict Resolution Part 2

What is conflict? Conflict is any disagreement between two or more people. It is a normal and healthy part of all relationships. How you DEAL with conflict is very important and helps to define your character!

What do you think? If you are upset with a peer, what should you do?

Effective Conflict Resolution Strategies: Ask the other student if you can talk to them. (Privately is best) Get advice from a trusted friend. Get advice from a trusted adult. Ask for a restorative circle or mediation from a counselor. Use “I messages.”

What is a restorative circle or mediation? At Safford, we believe that talking problems out really helps kids (and adults) figure out their feelings and come to a solution that everyone can agree upon. You may have been a part of a restorative conference or a mediation if you have ever had a discussion with a peer while an adult was helping you resolve the problem.

Does it work? It works as long as all parties are willing to try to come to a solution. As long as everybody is open-minded and cares about fixing things, mediations and circles are great. It also helps when you can be honest and admit when you did something wrong. We all mess up and make mistakes. Admitting those mistakes is the mark of a brave and mature person.

But if I tell an adult then I’m a snitch… No, you’re not! You are a person who cares about making things right. It’s not about getting someone in trouble, it is about fixing relationships.

What if I want to solve a problem on my own? Then use “I messages”!These are also called Affective Statements. Start by asking to speak to somebody privately. You need to be as calm as possible. Do not try to solve a problem when you are fuming. If the person is a friend, start the conversation by saying, “I feel _______ when you___________ and I would like ______.

I messages Here’s an example: “I felt hurt when you ditched me at lunch yesterday to hang out with your other friends. Next time, I’d like you let me know when you are leaving.” Or, “I feel frustrated when you talk about Justin behind my back, because he is a good friend, so I’d like you to stop.”

Try to come up with your own I-messages: Your friend is ignoring you at lunch. Your friend teases you about your hair but goes too far. Your best friend just asked out the person you like. Your friend never has time for you anymore. Your classmate tries to cheat off of you regularly.

But what about when they aren’t a friend? It is important to be firm and serious. Use an assertive (not passive or aggressive) tone of voice. Look them in the eye as you speak. Ask to speak to them in private. Being in front of a crowd escalates problems. Use a modified I message: I don’t like when you__________ I want you to ______.

Examples I don’t like when you talk about me behind my back, I want you to stop. I don’t like when you give me dirty looks, I want you to stop. I don’t like when you use my things without asking me, I want you to ask. When someone is not your friend it might be best to get help from a counselor or teacher.

Be a responsible bystander Don’t encourage fighting. Don’t take videos of conflicts Don’t ask questions like, “Are you gonna fight her? Ask an adult for advice Encourage your friends to talk out their issues. Be a patient listener.