From live student examples Rhetoric Notes From live student examples

The Opening Paragraph This week on Thursday Night Football, a sudden play sparked a huge brawl between the Baltimore Ravens and Miami Dolphins. During the second quarter on third down, Ravens starting quarterback Joe Flacco scrambled out of the pocket and ran for the first down. As many quarterbacks do, Flacco slid feet first into the turf to avoid injury. There is a mutual understanding to avoid hitting the quarterback. As Flacco slid, Miami linebacker Kiko Alonso delivered an unnecessary hit to the sliding QB. After the hit, Flacco’s helmet came off and he received a concussion. Ravens players pushed Alonso down, sparking a brawl between the teams. Yes, this hit was extremely unnecessary, and Alonso could have avoided Flacco, but he didn’t. There was nothing to stop the 6’3” 233-lb linebacker, no barrier, nothing. The only thing protecting Flacco was his shoulder pads, and his helmet. Because of the impact of the hit, Flacco received a concussion and his helmet came right off. How safe really was he? Would it have been better if he had not been wearing a helmet?

Rhetorical Problems The first sentence fails to accomplish its most important job. “To compel the reader to read the second sentence.” The author “buries the lead” by “saving” the claim until the end of the paragraph. The concluding sentences fail to make a bold, specific, persuasive claim. Instead of a claim, the author asks a Rhetorical Question. The overall impact of the paragraph is to empower the reader to reject the premise. The paragraph fails to accomplish its most important job. “To make bold persuasive claims in service of the argument.”

Opening Paragraph Revised Joe Flacco lost his helmet in the play that ended his season, but he wouldn’t have been injured at all if both he and Kiko Alonso had started the play bareheaded. When Ravens starting quarterback Joe Flacco scrambled out of the pocket and ran for the first down, he slid feet first as a well-known signal to defenders that he was sacrificing any further gain in return for avoiding a big hit. This mutual understanding among all players is honored by all teams to avoid serious injuries to quarterbacks. But it often fails. Ignoring protocol, Miami linebacker Kiko Alonso delivered an unnecessary hit to the already down QB, knocking off Flacco’s helmet and delivering a concussion. He did so without fear. His helmet and pads made him feel invulnerable to personal physical injury. The 6’3” 233-lb linebacker Alonso was not penalized for the obvious intentional effort to injure the QB. He took out the quarterback because it was cheap and easy to do. If he hadn’t been so well protected, he would have worried for his own safety and downed the QB less violently in his own self interest.

The Right Evidence Flacco’s concussion is just one of the injuries received in the 2017-2018 NFL season. This year has been one filled with injuries to big stars, teams losing vital pieces, and fantasy football team owners losing their minds. Aaron Rodgers, a future hall of famer has a broken collar bone. Giants star wide receiver Odell Beckham Jr. has a broken ankle. Eagles future hall of famer LT Jason Peters has a torn ACL and MCL. These injuries prove how violent the game is; it doesn’t matter if you are 5’11” and 170 lbs., or 6’5” and 330 lbs., everyone gets injured. It is just the violence of the game.

Trouble with Evidence The anecdotal evidence of a few injuries does not expand to everyone. 30 teams, 53-man rosters. That’s a lot of players. Three dramatic injuries doesn’t justify the claim “everyone gets injured.” Better evidence might be available Seek a statistic that makes avoiding injury seem almost impossible. What percentage of players miss at least one game per season to injury. What percentage of players make it through their career without injury?

The Right Evidence Flacco’s concussion is just one of the injuries received in the 2017-2018 NFL season. This year has been one filled with injuries to big stars, teams losing vital pieces, and fantasy football team owners losing their minds. Aaron Rodgers, a future hall of famer has a broken collar bone. Giants star wide receiver Odell Beckham Jr. has a broken ankle. Eagles future hall of famer LT Jason Peters has a torn ACL and MCL. According to ProFootballLogic.com, who examined the health and injury records of 1,794 players in the 2015 NFL season, 882 injuries were recorded among the 688 players (38%) that missed at least 1 game due to injury. Only 45% of players managed to be available for all 16 possible games. And size does not protect. It doesn’t matter if the player is 5’11” and 170 lbs., or 6’5” and 330 lbs., more than half of all players are injured badly enough to miss a game every season.