Working With Challenging Families / Working With Challenging Families Mary Jamin Maguire, MA, LP, LICSW Adler Center for Family & Community

Families “All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina

Challenging Families What Are The Challenges? Personal/Family Community Professional

Challenges Personal/Family Personality Issues/Mental Health Issues Violence: Anger/Intimidation/Aggression Ambivalence/Avoidance/Non-Cooperation Denial/Minimization of Issues Physical Health Issues Chemical Dependency Issues Poverty

Challenges Community Lack of Resources Court Involvement Cultural Difference Inequities /Racism/other “isms”

Challenges Professional Having too much work (paperwork) Unclear goals Unreasonable expectations Lack of professional resources Minimal supervision/training Conflict with co-workers Lack of collaboration

So – What Do We Do Now??

“The Four Agreements” By Don Miguel Ruiz Be impeccable with your word. Don’t take anything personally. Don’t make assumptions. Always do your best.

“The Four Agreements” Be Impeccable With Your Word Always be honest with clients – take a risk Be consistent in what you say – to clients, co-workers, the courts Be “Firm & Kind” Notice strengths and challenges Balance encouragement and confrontation

“The Four Agreements” Don’t Take Anything Personally It’s not about you Maintain a professional attitude Listening is not agreeing Remember – Conflict is not, necessarily, a bad thing

The Four Agreements Don’t Make Assumptions Watch out for labels (“labels disable”) Don’t be judgmental Remember – We’re all doing the best we can, at the time, with what we’ve got… Ask open-ended questions

The Four Agreements Always Do Your Best Be at your best – take care of yourself Get adequate supervision & training Collaborate with other professionals Be flexible & creative

How To Start?? Alignment of Goals… __________________ ________________ __________________ ________________ Client Goal Helper’s Goal If the goals are aligned … there will be no resistance!

Some Effective Approaches Have a calm. friendly demeanor Use active listening Communicate openly, share information Find points of agreement Set/keep effective boundaries Neither conspire nor collude with families Work to solve problems collaboratively Be patient & persistent, don’t give up

Clients Have A Right … To tell you they’re not ready To lead the conversation To participate in setting the agenda To expect you to be unemotional To be emotional To expect you to be objective To be subjective To be treated with respect (even when they are not respectful to you)

Remember… A thorough Assessment leads to effective change (what needs to change, what is needed for change) If professionals are too intimidated to confront someone, how must it be for the other family members? All behavior has meaning & purpose We only do what works

When We’re Frustrated … We feel inadequate We hold ourselves responsible We criticize the client/family We blame “the system” We want to give up

“Changing the Pattern” Events Don’t Cause Feelings/Actions … Do It Yourself Therapy Lynn Lott, Riki Intner & Barbara Mendenhall

What is the Current Pattern? Think of a challenging situation with a family … What was Your Goal? _______________________ What were you thinking? ___________________ What did you do? ________________________ What were you feeling? ____________________ What is the pattern? ______________________________________________

Creating a New Pattern? You’ve created a different pattern!! Think of the same challenging situation with a family … and, using the same goal … How would you like to feel? ____________________________ What would you be doing (if you felt that way)? _____________________________________________________ And what would you be thinking? ________________________ You’ve created a different pattern!! ____________________________________________

Success “In order to succeed, you must know what you’re doing, like what you are doing, and believe in what you are doing.” Will Rogers

North American Society of Adlerian Psychology 65th Annual Conference May 17th –21st – 2017 Marriott Pinnacle, Vancouver, Canada www.adlredadler.org

Encouragement Consultant Training Lynn Lott May 9th & 10th Adler Graduate School Richfield, MN mary.jamin.maguire@adlercenter.net

Social Worker Post-Test Describe an effective way to eliminate resistance in challenging clients. Describe some effective strategies for establishing an working relationship with a challenging client. How can conflict be helpful in a relationship with a client. What is the role and responsibility of Social Workers in a conflict with a client. Describe/discuss a technique to reframe a conflicted and/or challenging relationship with a client.