Etiquettes of Conversation Part 2

Often times we will be forced to deal with ignorant others. Some people remain ill-mannered. hot- tempered and lewd-talkers for the whole of their lives. Their faith and belief are not at all disturbed by these evils, nor does their morality admonish them on their attitude. They have no hesitation in telling others things which are disagreeable to them. Whenever they find a suitable field to let off their steam, their tongues run away with vulgar and obscene talks No cries stop them nor does any voice inhibit them.

How does Islam teach us to deal with such people? The attitude of a righteous person when confronted with such people should, be to not engage himself in any discussion with them, because any provocation would lead to great disturbance, and it is necessary to seal this source or trouble. For this reason Islam has commanded for such people to be simply ignored.

Look at how the prophet dealt with such a person: One man sought the Prophet's permission to enter the house, and the Prophet remarked: "What a bad man is he of his family!" When he came in, the Prophet talked to him pleasantly and softly. After he went away, aisha asked him 'O Messenger of Allah! You heard this man talking in this way, yet there was no sign of perturbation on your face, on the contrary you talked to him pleasantly?” The Prophet replied: "O Ayesha ! when did you hear me talking vulgarly? On the Day of Judgment before Allah the worst man would be the one for avoiding whose vulgar talk people stopped meeting him,"

Allah tells us how to deal with such peoples: "And the slaves of (Allah) Most Gracious are those who walk on the earth in humility, and when the ignorant address them, they say.. 'Salam." {Peace)", (AI-Furqan.. 63)

A well trained muslim is expected to be able to tolerate the ignorance of others for tolerance is another characteristic of faith When the Prophet was sitting with his companions one person used insulting words against Abu Bakr, causing him pain, but Abu Bakr was silent, For the second time also he used the bitter words against him, and still Abu Bakr was silent. When for the third time he hurt him with his tongue, Abu Bakr tried to answer him, The Messenger of Allah got up. Abu Bakr asked him: 'Are you displeased with me, O Messenger of Allah ?' The Prophet replied: 'No, but from the heaven an angel had come down and he was denying that man's talk, and when you started to answer that man, the angel went away and the devil sat down. And I cannot sit where the devil is sitting" (Abu Daud)

Allah says: “ Allah does not like that evil should be noised abroad in public speech, except where injustice has been done; for Allah is He Who hears and knows all things. Whether you express a good deed or conceal it or cover evil with pardon, verily Allah does blot out (sins) and has power (in the judgment of values)" ( An-Nissa.. 148-149)

Islam teaches us to avoid controversy and debate The commands that Islam issued to keep the tongue safe from baseless and absurd things is to stay away from controversy and debate irregardless as to whether it is correct or not This is because these talks involve scoring points and overcoming your opponent In such a gatherings people give more Importance to winning than on expressing truth. This is likely to result in hatred and emntiy

Allah hates controversy and considers it a danger for the religion and morality The Prophet has said: "He who has given up controversial discussion in senseless and false matters, for him there will be built a house in the lower section of the Paradise; and he who has corrected his morals, for him there will be built a house in the upper section of the Paradise." (Abu Daud)

There are some people whom Allah has gifted the power of tongue and has made them expert in debate This prompts them to exercise their expertise over all people, educated or uneducated. It becomes a burning desire in their hearts, and they do not rest content with out satisfying this desire. When this group makes others a victim of their power of speech and shows their expertise, they hurt their feelings, and when this quality is required to be employed in expressing the religious realities then all the beauty and grandeur of their speech vanishes

Allah hates such people: The Prophet has said: "Before Allah the most hated are the quarrelsome debaters." - Bukhari "After receiving guidance no community went astray and did not deviate from the path it was following, except when debaters turned them away from it." - Tirmidhi

People who indulge in debate and controversy are people who do not stay withing the limits of Allah For this person the position of words is of first importance, their meaning takes the second place. Its all about winning, showing off and impressing others to make themselves look good. Such people could care less about what Allah thinks of their behavior so they transgress his limits and hurt others

Once a deceitful man, wearing beautiful clothes, went in the presence of the Prophet and during conversation raised his voice higher than the voice of the Prophet. When he went away, the Prophet said: "Allah does not like people of this type. They work their tongue in the way a cow does when it chews the cud. In the same way Allah will twist their faces and mouths on the Doomsday in the fire of hell." (Tibrani) Sadly today we find the people of innovation and deviance possessing this gift of eloquence and they use it to their advantage

Controversial debating is worlds away from pure, clean discussion To show how much the prophet hated eloquent speakers who argue and debate: Once the companions were discussing and debating some religious point, when the Prophet arrived; he was terribly angry. He was never seen so angry before. He admonished them and said: "Stay put, O Ummah of Muhammed! Nations before you were destroyed by this only. Give up this debating. The portion of good in it is very little Give up this discussion and argumentation, for this is not a quality of a Momin. Avoid argument and debate, for the loss sustained by one who indulges in it becomes complete. Give up this debating, because on the Day of Resurrection there will be none to intercede for the debater. Wash your hands of this wicked habit, for in Paradise I will lead only to three kinds of houses, its lower floor, middle floor and the upper floor, which will be for that man who has given up debating. Keep away from this bad habit because after idolatry, the first thing that my Lord has forbidden is this very debating." (Tibrani)