Definitely! Maybe??? No Way !!! Marriage Definitely! Maybe??? No Way !!!

Why do people get Married??? Activity: In your groups, create a list of all the reasons you can think of as to why people get married and create a definition of what you think marriage means. -To enter into a lifelong commitment -Companionship -Desire to have children -Pressure from parents -Pressure from partner -Already pregnant -Others…

Of all the reasons listed, which ones will ensure a successful marriage??? To answer that, you need to know what qualities you feel are essential to a successful marriage, and/or relationship. Activity: Write down an individual list of 3 things you feel are essential to a successful marriage.

Successful Marriage… Now, in your groups, create a master list of 3 essential elements to a successful relationship. Make sure each member’s list is heard, then work together to create a list. Can we create a list with the top 3 for the class? -Both want to enter a relationship with someone they love -Both must be ready for responsibility -Willingness to compromise -Both must be ready for commitment -Share goals -Share views on Children -Can communicate openly -Share the same values

Successful Marriage… Happiness is not the most important thing. Everyone wants to be happy, but happiness will come and go. Successful couples learn to intentionally do things that will bring happiness back when life pulls it away. Couples discover the value in just showing up. When things get tough and couples don't know what to do, they need to hang in there and be there for their spouse. Time has a way of helping couples work things out by providing opportunities to reduce stress and overcome challenges. The grass is greenest where you water it. Successful couples have learned to resist the grass is greener myth — i.e., someone else will make me happy. They have learned to put their energy into making themselves and their marriage better.

Successful Marriage… Love is a verb, not just a feeling. Everyday life wears away the "feel good side of marriage." Feelings, like happiness, will fluctuate. But, real love is based on a couple's vows of commitment: "For better or for worse" — when it feels good and when it doesn't. A crisis doesn't mean the marriage is over. Crises are like storms: loud, scary and dangerous. But to get through a storm you have to keep driving. A crisis can be a new beginning. It's out of pain that great people and marriages are produced.

Examples of Successful Marriage? Homework: Think of someone you know (family, friend, parent, etc.) that is part of a successful marriage in your opinion. Ask them the one thing that is the key to their success in their relationship. Fill out the hand-out and bring it to class tomorrow.

Values In order to share the same values as your partner, you have to know what your values are. What are values? Values are what people believe in. They are what you stand for and created by what people believe is right and wrong. They influence behavior and actions What are some examples? Respect, Family, Honesty, Integrity, Health, Security, Accountability, Friendship, and more.

What are your Values? Activity: Value Shield. Your values will protect you like a coat of arms as you go through life. The stronger your core values, the stronger your shield is. Answer each question in the appropriate space… What is your greatest accomplishment to date? List 3 things you are good at. What is one thing you would like to improve about yourself? What do you like about your family? How would you like to be remembered? If your house was on fire, and you could only save one thing, what would it be?

Your Values… Based on your responses, what can we conclude are the values related to your individual answers? Using your “Shield”, write and rank your top 3 values. How can we relate this to marriage?

Communication Defined as the exchange of thoughts, messages or information by speech, visuals, signals, writing, or behavior. Good Communication Skills: -Use “I” messages -Be Respectful -Be clear with thoughts -Listen to the other person! -Don’t Walk Away! Poor Communication 1 Poor Communication 2

Communication What signs of poor communication did you observe in the 2 Videos? What signs of good communication did you observe in the 2 Videos? Does this happen with anyone In your life?

Unsuccessful Marriage What happens when: Couples can’t communicate? Or don’t share the same values? Or aren’t willing to compromise? Or aren’t attracted to their partner anymore? The facts are true…50% of marriages end in Divorce

Effects of Divorce Can you list some of the negative effects of divorce? -May have to move -New School for children -Leaving Friends -Less family income -Feel like it is your fault -Poor idea of what a relationship is What can you do if someone you know is going through a divorce?

Effects of Divorce Can you list any positive effects of divorce -Escape a physically abusive situation -Escape a emotionally abusive situation -Allow couple to start over -Demonstrate positive relationship to children -Both parents stay involved – “Joint Custody” Children alternate living with both parents -New family members through – “Blended Family” Two adults remarry and have children from a previous marriage