Lineke Joanknecht Margherita Tinti

Slides:



Advertisements
Similar presentations
Help! I’m in an Abusive Relationship
Advertisements

Strengthening Families: An Effective Approach to Supporting Families.
Peace Within Us By Poran Poregbal Self Understanding Self definition Self concept Self criticism Self acknowledgment Ask how am I?
CHILDREN’S REACTIONS TO DIVORCE Presented by Pupil Services Department Ruamrudee International School.
Section 5.3 Keeping the Family Healthy Objectives
Academy Of New Possibilities Presentation of Polish Parents Group.
Can Children Recover From Divorce?
Domestic Abuse Couple therapy as a way to help children Asbjørn Solevåg, Phd Grete Lilledalen, Phd Dimitrij Samoilow, Phd.
Chapter 7 Dealing with Conflict. Quiz: True or False 1.The more intimate the relationship, the greater the opportunity for conflict. 2. People fight mainly.
Unit 5 - Positively Guiding Children and Resources and Policies Chapter 18 - Family Concerns AND Chapter 19 - Family Crises Parents and Their Children.
Relationships. Learning Targets I can define relationship. I can discuss qualities of a healthy relationship. I can explain the difference between constructive.
Marriage, Parenthood, and Families Health Coach McElroy.
Middle Childhood: Social & Moral Development. Terms to know  Middle Childhood: ages 7-12  Bullying: direct aggression or abuse toward another person,
Conflict Resolutions/Anger Management Spring 2015.
Family Relationships. Section 1 – Families Today The Family and Social Health If the relationships with family members are healthy, a child learns to.
Module 6 The Role of Support Workers and Self Care.
Copyright ©2011, 2008, 2005 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved. The Stages of Interpersonal Relationships.
As social issue. Why we select this topic? Because human life is very precious. And we think the issue need to be discuss. To create awareness that suicide.
Simi Markar, MFT Northgate High School Counselor
Healthy Family Relationships
Learning Outcomes LO4 Be able to work in ways which support equality, diversity and inclusive practice. AC 4.1 Interact with children in a way that values.
Section 5.3 Keeping the Family Healthy Objectives
THE ART OF BEING A PARENT NOW A DAYS
PRESENTED BY - JULIANNE DURAND MSW.RSW
SHRED THE LABEL,SAVE A CHILD
Domestic Abuse Inclusion network meeting
Building Responsible Relationships
By: Scott Wilhelm Health and Exercise Science Students
ZONTA DISTRICT 4 SPRING WORKSHOP
Sandwell’s Family Group Conferencing Service
Chapter 9: Adjusting to Marriage
Inquiry Based Project Makayla Massie.
Understanding your reactions in a crisis situation
Unit OP 1 Support children with additional needs
Cohabitation effect Sliding vs. deciding
A permanent solution for a temporary problem
Chapter Two Skills for Living Mrs. Ventrca
Beginning today, and going through March 1, our church’s K-6 children will be learning about Start with Hello, a youth violence prevention program from.
Your Friendships and Peer Pressure
Divorce Journal You have probably known someone who has gone through a divorce. What were the positive outcomes of this? What were the difficulties they.
Looked After Chn Conference
COHABITATION Prof. Oanh Tran Thi Van Binh Dinh Ha Nguyen Thi
Lead better life after divorce with Counseling. Marriage is one of the auspicious occasions in individual life. It will be beautiful for couple with good.
Behaviour Management at ENPS
The effect of divorce on a parent and child
Coping with Loss & Grief
Few Reasons Why People End Up Hiring a Divorce Lawyer to Part Ways
What’s Your Health IQ? True or False
Introduce as appropriate, and explain this assembly will be all about understanding our feelings and how we cope with them.
Read the quote and with the person next to you, discuss what you think it means. Do you agree? Why / why not? Be prepared to share your thoughts with the.
January 2013 Character Education.
Chapter 3 Building Strong Families
SUICIDE AND RESILIENCY
SUICIDE AND RESILIENCY
Social connections What it looks like
Children and young people’s mental wellbeing
Achieving Mental and Emotional Health
S.6.2 Communication with a partner: Getting along and dealing with conflict I understand and can demonstrate the qualities and skills required to sustain.
Information Session for Parents
I can cope in difficult situations
BUILDING STRONGER tEaMs
Psychosocial Support for Young Men
FRIEND TO FRIEND Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Shelter for Women.
Stopping Maltreatment
Understanding your reactions in a crisis situation
THE ROLES OF: Courts and dispute resolution methods
Social-Emotional Learning
Chapter 17 Preview Bellringer Key Ideas
Health, Social and Environmental Responsibility
Presentation transcript:

Lineke Joanknecht Margherita Tinti www.eigen-plan.nl Eigen Plan* in situations of divorce widening the circle to make the change for children Lineke Joanknecht Margherita Tinti www.eigen-plan.nl * Your own plan

Divorce and separation What happens in the life of children? Major life changes: home, school, friends/family etc. not living together with both parents anymore coping with sadness of parents getting used to new partner(s) of parent(s) loyalty, guilt mourning about what happened financial consequences →stress

When parents cooperate in a divorce: 1,5 years for children to get used to the new reality.

Divorce and separation What happens in the life of parents: divorce: mostly unilateral decision → for the other one often totally unexpected strong emotions, uncertainty, off balance differences in experiencing grief and coping with loss big changes for both: home, money, children…

Parents: often two different stories about the reasons for divorce Children: need one not accusing story

Divorce and separation What family members/friends often do: take sides support his/her feelings react in his/her way

Divorce and separation Again: What happens in the life of children? film SIRE

In the Netherlands: Severe divorce situations are considered as child abuse: fighting escalates, stress increases for parents and children network takes sides and reinforces the escalation It isn’t about children any more → Parents are in the centre of attention, while children are deeply hurt.

Divorce and separation put into practice: many decisions to be made in a short time → cool head is needed, but overwhelmed by emotions not the best situation to deal with difficult questions → support is needed… and a plan, your own plan!

Eigen Plan - Your own plan! Family Group Conferencing with special focus on: - independency of the coach - triad of professional, client and personal network ABC: self determination theory Autonomy (being in charge) Belonging (widening the circle) Competency (solution oriented focus)

Example: family in divorce parents: no communication domestic violence 3 children (4,9,14) witnessed this →unsafe situation

Questions for Eigen Plan How can a safe upbringing of the children be guaranteed? How can both parents stay involved in the children’s life? → Which agreements need to be made in ‘Your own plan’? → Who can think with you?

grand dad friend dad mum aunt grand ma 9 4 14 friend uncle friend friend coach prof

1. Eigen Plan* coach at your home • What do you want? • Where are you stuck? • What could be the next step? • Who can think with you? * Dutch: Eigen Plan / English: Your own plan 2. Stronger together Invite people from your own network to think with you and find a solution. 3. Eigen Plan meeting You develop a plan together with your network. Your own plan (Eigen Plan)! 4. If the plan does not work as expected You and your coach review the plan together

Children’s wishes: Don’t ask us to make a choice between our parents. Don’t fight each other when we are around. Don’t talk to us negatively about the other parent. Give us time to deal with the new situation. Listen to us, to what we have to say. Accept dat we love you both. Never forget that you once have chosen for us.

Information by professional: possible effects of divorce on children twice as likely to get divorced themselves difficulties starting/keeping relationships lower results at school more behavioural problems while growing up children who witnessed domestic violence without being maltreated themselves, often have the same reactions as children who were maltreated. children of parents who were not able to solve conflicts without aggression are likely to do the same Struggle and quarrel hurt children more than the divorce itself!

Eigen Plan Common agreements in an Eigen Plan: communication between parents parenting arrangements buddy for each child therapy for the children if needed friends will help with the practical part of divorce

Why EP works effectively? Autonomy It is your own plan, you are in charge Combination of professional knowledge and expertise of the network Solution focused Inclusion: everyone who is important takes part in the process and has the same information Working together with the same plan: parents, network, professional Competency Competency Competency Belonging Belonging Competency

Thank you for your attention! Nienke Kind heeft oa recht op gezinsleven en family life, daarnaast op bescherming en ingrijpen overheid indien nodig. Bij een vechtscheiding gaat het om de strijd tussen ouders en wordt er geen rekening gehouden met de kinderen. Ieder jaar hebben 70.000 kinderen te maken met echtscheiding. Een derde van deze scheiding verloopt problematisch. 1998: Ouders houden na een scheiding gezamenlijk het ouderlijk gezag over hun kinderen. 2009: Wet bevordering voortgezet ouderschap en zorgvuldige scheiding. Een kind heeft na scheiding recht op gelijkwaardige verzorging en opvoeding door beide ouders. Thank you for your attention!