Sacrificial Parenting Video As parents we all will make big sacrifices for our children; time, sleep, money, comfort, etc. If we don’t understand what are good sacrifices and what are not our sacrifices can be wasted at best and harmful at worse. To guarantee that the sacrifices we make for our children are productive ones they need to be Christ-like because Christ’s sacrifices for us Click

Sacrificial Parenting Christ’s sacrifices for us were: Complete- John 13: 1 For our good - Ephesians 5: 25b & 27 The key to Christ’s success - John 5:30 Jesus says at the end of his life his work is done because he had loved his own, he loved them to the utmost, duration and degree. Jesus laid down His life for us, the church to present us in all our glory. Our sacrifices should be prayerful and intentional for the purpose of helping our children become all they were created to be, that is God-dependent, grateful givers. Jesus was able to do this NOT because he was perfect, John 5 gives us the insight

Sacrificial Parenting “I can do nothing from my own initiative, As I hear, I judge; and my judgment is just because I do not seek my own will, but the will of him who sent me” John 5:30

Sacrificial Parenting “I can do nothing from my own initiative, As I hear, I judge; and my judgment is just because I do not seek my own will, but the will of him who sent me” John 5:30 It was not deity or perfection that made his love and sacrifice perfect it was that he was selfless. He did not have hidden selfish motives. Beneficial sacrificial parenting is parenting is free of self. As a parent you are more and more decision by decision responding to God’s will and wisdom rather than your own. Linda and I had were sharing this summer. This talk will not be the most feel good talk but might be one of the most important talks. I will share some bad news, 4 traps of self-focused parenting and then Linda will share the good news how to parent under grace. PRAY?

Sacrificial Parenting Four traps of self focused parenting Our own: Convenience Confidence Fears Feelings and Image

Sacrificial Parenting Four Traps of Self-focused Parenting Convenience: Prioritizing our wants over what is best for our children Temptations: Sacrifice follow through Correct before we teach This leads to reactive rather than proactive parenting This is the trap of prioritizing our desires over what is best for our kids. Life is busy, we will all do this sometimes and it won’t hurt our kids. There is benefit in occasionally prioritizing other’s need over our kids. This is only a problem when this attitude primarily drives our decisions. Two areas to be especially careful in. Watch this especially in follow through of obedience Make sure you make the sacrifice to teach behaviors and attitudes before you expect them from your child. Instruct positively before negatively. This leads to reactive rather than proactive parenting and that means frustration for you and your children Don’t expect perfection but ask God for conviction when you are consistently choosing convenience.

Sacrificial Parenting Four Traps of Self-focused Parenting Convenience Solution: Eternal vs. temporal view How is my choice helping my child become a God-dependent, grateful, giver? Have I taught the skill that I am expecting from my child?

Sacrificial Parenting Four Traps of Self-focused Parenting Self confidence Temptations Our own strengths Our own beliefs Our own standard Solution: Be humble Ask for and receive input We all have our own strengths, beliefs and standards for good parenting. I viewed my strength has being the fun parent, who could talk well to my daughters. My belief was that they should be nonconforming independent women who would not follow just for the sake of following. My standard was that if I was feeling good about parenting and my kids were responding the way I wanted I was doing a great job. Gary and I both say our biggest mistake as parents were that we were too confident in our own ability. We had the correct priorities, right environment, wisdom, teaching parenting classes. We foolishly believed that we could do what only the spirit could do so we did not pray as much as we should have. Please don’t make the same mistake. Remember Jesus’ words in John 15:5 This is why Solomon says…

Sacrificial Parenting Four Traps of Self-focused Parenting Solution: Be God-dependent Apart from me you can do nothing Jn. 15:5 Not that we are adequate in ourselves, but our adequacy is from God… 2 Cor. 3: 5 It is no longer I who lives but Christ who lives within me… Gal. 2: 20 I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. Phil. 4: 13 We all have our own strengths, beliefs and standards for good parenting. I viewed my strength has being the fun parent, who could talk well to my daughters. My belief was that they should be nonconforming independent women who would not follow just for the sake of following. My standard was that if I was feeling good about parenting and my kids were responding the way I wanted I was doing a great job. Gary and I both say our biggest mistake as parents were that we were too confident in our own ability. We had the correct priorities, right environment, wisdom, teaching parenting classes. We foolishly believed that we could do what only the spirit could do so we did not pray as much as we should have. Please don’t make the same mistake. Remember Jesus’ words in John 15:5 This is why Solomon says…

Sacrificial Parenting Four Traps of Self-focused Parenting Our fears Temptation: Unresolved wounds from our own childhood Unmet needs Safety Validation Significance People openly admit because God does not promise to protect my children from all harm, I will not trust him but myself to protect my kid from all harm. People are especially vulnerable to this in areas where we have unresolved childhood wounds. (Abby crying at night as a baby)

Sacrificial Parenting Four Traps of Self-focused Parenting Our fears Problems: Attempt to control what we can’t Focus on what we don’t want rather than what we do want Promotes anxiety and dependence rather than competence My child will never… I will always… The pets

Sacrificial Parenting Four Traps of Self-focused Parenting Our fears Solution: Gratitude for God’s word and promises. These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world.” Jn. 16: 33 People openly admit because God does not promise to protect my children from all harm, I will not trust him but myself to protect my kid from all harm.

Sacrificial Parenting Four Traps of Self-focused Parenting Feelings and Image: Good parenting is determined by our feelings or my comparison Temptation Compare your private parenting with others’ public parenting public places social media When feelings drive our parenting we will tend to swing back and forth from feeling pretty good about ourselves to then feeling pretty bad when we screw up or our kids make decisions that we don’t like and then personalize it asking “What did I do wrong?” Be careful to not beat up yourself for something that you are not really guilty of.

Sacrificial Parenting Four Traps of Self-focused Parenting Feelings and Image Solution: Agree with God But to me it is a very small thing that I should be examined by you, or by any human court, in fact, I do not even examine myself…but the one who examines me is the Lord. 1 Cor. 4: 3, 4 Want to be a good parent, then deny self convenience, self competence, fears

Sacrificial Parenting in Grace Deny self by becoming Dependent on the Holy Spirit and God’s word Grateful for God’s promises Giver of God’s grace to our children God-dependent, grateful givers Turn it over to Linda

Sacrificial Parenting in Grace Parenting from Weakness When we see weakness we tend to have 2 tendencies 1. Minimize 2. Become overwhelmed We need to acknowledge and grieve our sin (Jas 4:9) Let there be tears for what you have done. Let there be sorrow and deep grief. Let there be sadness instead of laughter, and gloom instead of joy.

Sacrificial Parenting in Grace Acknowledging and grieving sin leads to brokenness E.g. Brokenness leads to grace and humility (Jas 4:10) Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up in honor. This is different from accusation

Sacrificial Parenting in Grace Grace and humility In grace there is humility that God is bringing us to a truth that we missed (Phi 3:15) In grace we know that God doesn’t condemn us because he loves us in Christ (Rom 8:1) In grace we believe that God redeems mistakes (Rom 8:28) In grace we believe our sin can’t stop God from sanctifying us (Phi 1:6)

Sacrificial Parenting in Grace Discussion Questions Which self-focused trap most described your parents? How has God use their failures for your good? What truths would help you parent more in grace? Ephesians 5:25-27 John 5:30 John 15: 5 2 Corinthians 3:5 Philippians 3:15; 4:13; 1:6 John 16: 33 1 Corinthians 4: 3-4 Romans 8: 1 &28