Salem Survival Guide By Alec lefeber

Dear Mr. Skaar, Though I do not know how you were ‘just transported’ back in time (usually it takes a little effort to fall into the time vortex. It’s fairly difficult to fall into a big spiral-y hole of doom without even noticing it), I suppose I will help you. Then again, how did you even send me a Word document from 1692? I know you travel everywhere with your iPad, but iPads don’t have Word capability. Do you just carry a laptop everywhere you go in case you fall into a multi-dimensional wormhole and need to send a help message? You’d think it would be faster just to write a letter, but if bringing a laptop everywhere makes you feel better, then that’s fine with me I suppose. So you just type it out, then put it on a thumb drive, then store it for 300 years hoping no one will ever find it. You have a real thought out plan right there. And I thought I was paranoid of falling into multi-dimensional vortexes. ~Alec Lefeber

Dealing with Being the New Guy in Town So after your magnificent time travel adventure, you’re in this new town of Salem. Where do you go? What do you do first? First off the bat, you need to get yourself some new clothes. You’re in a Puritan society, so your best bet is to find some clothes like this: How you’re going to get the clothes, though, I have no idea. Usually clothes were hand sewed by the family.

Who You Will Meet You will meet many people in Salem. There are some people you want to meet, but there are some people you want to stay away from. I will help you pick out these people. Some people you want to be friendly with is the three important judges; John Hathorne, Samuel Sewall and William Stoughton. You also want to be friendly with William Phips, the governor. If you are friendly with them, it is less likely that you will be sent to death. You do not want to meet the five girls who will accuse you of witchcraft. If you make them angry, you’re basically dead. Do not even seek them out.

Who to Look Out For There are a few people you want to look out for. These people are five teenagers who are just bored. But their boredom kills many people. Look out for Ann Putnam, the leader of the accusers. She will be the most likely to accuse you of witchcraft. The other teenagers include Elisabeth Parris, and Abigail Williams, who were both important accusers.

Who to Trust You can trust a lot of the people in Salem. There are just some bad seeds to look out for, like Ann Putnam. But if you want to make some friends in Salem, you want to know the correct people. You can trust people who work for the government. Judges, governors, etc. They will obviously not accuse you of witchcraft. If you befriend them and are accused of witchcraft, it is more likely that you will be let loose because of your friendship.

How to Stay Out of Trouble Angering Ann Putnam is definitely one way to get yourself in trouble. She will destroy you. If you make her mad, or just don’t get on her good side in general, chances are that you’re dead. Try to stay away from her, or suffer the consequences. Obviously don’t do any suspicious activities that someone could use against you. Odds are, if you are arrested, the girls will just make up false information, but it’s always better for them to make up false information than for them to have information that might have had outside witnesses.

Trial Expectations And finally, if you somehow end up in a trial (because for some reason you ignored all my advice and are likely to die because of it), I only have a few points of advice. 1. Fully expect the girls to try to convict you by going into ‘fits’. Do not react negatively. Nothing good will come out of you objecting. Just allow them to do it. 2. Plead guilty. You’re much less likely to die if you just say you’re a witch, than ‘lying’ and saying you’re innocent.

Dear Mr. Skaar, So there you have it, the basics you will need for survival in Salem. Just avoid Ann Putnam as much as possible, and don’t do anything that will make you look like a witch. Become friendly with people in the government, if they like you, you will be protected. Now, back to the issue on hand. In your document you somehow sent to the future, you say you want advice you need to get out of there safely. I think part of ‘getting out’ is actually returning home. I don’t have any advice for you there, I’m afraid. I suppose you’re stuck. Try to find another multi-dimensional wormhole, you seem good at finding these things scientists have been trying to discover for centuries. Wait…how am I going to send this Powerpoint back in time at all? It’s not like I have a time machine in my closet! Looks like you won’t be getting my advice after all. Good luck in Salem, Mr. Skaar. I know you’ll need it. ~Alec Lefeber