Self-Esteem

Introduction There is much talk in the world about the value of good self-esteem We’re told not to scold or punish children because it might damage their self-esteem Psychologists tell us that self-esteem is a ‘basic human need’ and is ‘indispensable’ These ideas were introduced by psychologist Abraham Maslow in 1943 They became popular in the 1960s and 1970s, and today are often accepted without thought This concept was widely criticized by fellow psychologists Albert Ellis and Carl Rogers

Defining self-esteem Webster’s: “A confidence and satisfaction in oneself” American Heritage: “Pride in oneself” Roget’s: “An excessively high opinion of oneself” Synonyms: “conceit, bigheadedness, egotism, superiority, self-admiration, self-adulation, self-love, self-regard, self-worship, vanity, self-importance” Antonyms: “humbleness, humility, meekness, modesty” The definitions, and especially the synonyms and antonyms, should make us pause Are these the characteristics we want to develop? Let’s look at a couple real-life examples Ask yourself if each person has a self-esteem problem that needs to be corrected

Example #1 He tells me that while he is not incapable, he is the most insignificant person in the group with whom he associates Sometimes, he is ashamed to be connected with his friends because of the awful things that he did in his youth His work is very difficult. The people are so annoying at times that he has been made to look like a fool because of them. You can tell the stress is getting to him; he has been calling himself a nobody recently. Not too long ago, he got into an argument with one of his co-workers when his co-worker made a mistake. It was one of those “in your face” kind of disputes Earlier he had another argument with a friend and business partner because his friend’s relative ran out on him during a critical business deal. It got so bad, they broke up and went their separate ways. He has no confidence in himself Overall, he doesn’t think much of himself. In fact, he is totally dependent on someone else to be effective (at least in his own mind) in his job. He defines himself by this other person

Example #2 This man never asserts his independence He accepted a stressful (physically-, mentally-, and emotionally-demanding) job because he was asked to do so He had to give up a very high-paying career to do so He continues doing the job even when those he is helping hate him for it The people he helps have been known to challenge his authority, insult him, and physically attack him If asked to fill out an assault charge, he declines and says to just forget about it He has asked to be reassigned, but without waiting for an answer, said he’d do whatever he was told to do He knows his job will be the death of him, but doesn’t quit

What do you think? Would you suggest that either man . . . Needs more self-esteem? Needs to respect himself more? Psychologists and self-help gurus might fill textbooks examining the “self-esteem issues” of these two men Do you know either man or someone like either of them? I think you do

Example #1: Paul He tells me that while he is not incapable, he is the most insignificant person in the group with whom he associates. Sometimes, he is ashamed to be connected with his friends because of the awful things that he did in his youth (1Cor 15:9) His work is very difficult. The people are so annoying at times that he has been made to look like a fool because of them. You can tell the stress is getting to him; he has been calling himself a nobody recently (2Cor 12:11) Not too long ago, he got into an argument with one of his co-workers when his co-worker made a mistake. It was one of those “in your face” kind of disputes. (Gal 2:11) Earlier he had another argument with a friend and business partner because his friend’s relative ran out on him during a critical business deal. It got so bad, they broke up and went their separate ways. (Acts 15:39) He has no confidence in himself (Phil 3:3-11) Overall, he doesn’t think much of himself. In fact, he is totally dependent on someone else to be effective (at least in his own mind) in his job. He defines himself by this other person. (Phil 4:13; 2Cor 3:5)

Example #2: Jesus Christ This man never asserts his independence (Jn 10:30, 36-38) He accepted a stressful (physically-, mentally-, and emotionally-demanding) job because he was asked to do so (Heb 10:5-7) He had to give up a very high-paying career to do so (Phil 2:5-8) He continues doing the job even when those he is helping hate him for it (Rom 5:6-8; Jn 3:19-20) The people he helps have been known to challenge his authority, insult him, and physically attack him (Mk 15:16-20, and many more passages) If asked to fill out an assault charge, he declines and says to just forget about it (Lk 23:34) He has asked to be reassigned, but without waiting for an answer, said he’d do whatever he was told to do (Lk 22:42) He knows his job will be the death of him, but doesn’t quit (Jn 12:27-33)

A Christian self-view We are weak If we look at what God wants us to do, it is easy to see that none of us are equal to the task 2 Cor 2:15-16 Our sufficiency is from God (2Cor 3:5-6) Our confidence is not in ourselves (Phil 3:3) We can do nothing without Christ (Jn 15:5) God wants those who have poor and contrite spirits (Isa 66:1-2; Ps 51:17) Mt 5:3-8 God wants us to realize we are totally dependent on Him

A Christian self-view Compared to others, we are unimportant We are to esteem others as better than ourselves (Phil 2:3-4) There is the esteem we are to have, and it’s NOT self-esteem Most modern translations add the word “only” in the phrase “look out not for his own interests” Translators can’t imagine doing what Paul said, so they add a word that is not there The word translated “also” can be translated “then, even, therefore, moreover” as well and make perfect sense of the sentence

A Christian self-view Compared to others, we are unimportant We are to esteem those who labor for the Lord (Phil 2:29-30; 1Thes 5:12-13) We are to honor masters (1Tim 6:1-2) Eph 6:5-8 We do our work to please God, not to please others or for self-pride We are to honor all, honor the king (1 Pet 2:17) Praying for them (1 Tim 2:1-4) Our focus should be on God, not ourselves 2Cor 4:7-12

Confidence Does lacking self-esteem mean we lack confidence? No, but our confidence is in God (2Cor 3:4-5; Prov 3:26; Heb 13:6) He grants us boldness, confidence and strength (Eph 3:8-21) An example: When the King of Assyria surrounded Jerusalem and asked why they thought they could withstand him (Isa 36:4-9, 37:10-11) What did Hezekiah do? (Isa 37:14-20) He trusted God

Conclusion What do we esteem? Our things or ourselves? That is what the world esteems Lk 16:15 God finds that to be an abomination Our God and Savior? 1Jn 3:18-22