There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One is roots; the other, wings. - Hodding Carter

6 Keys to Success for Parents & Freshmen (or transfer students!) Bellarmine values your interest in, and relationship with, your freshman and his/her college experience Bellarmine acknowledges that freshmen are likely to have very close parent & family relationships…that’s good Bellarmine’s goal is to facilitate growth and empowerment in your freshman, which includes helping him/her overcome challenges (which involves making mistakes)

It’s all about balance… ENMESHMENT (two or more people weave their lives and identities around one another so tightly that it is difficult for any one of them to function independently…VS SELF-RELIANCE (dependence on one’s own judgment, efforts & abilities)

Think of yourself as a coach… You are there to… Provide structure Give advice (when asked!) Be a sounding board Serve as a role model (a good one!) Yet, your freshman needs to step up to the plate… to build skills in making decisions & facing challenges.

AVOID BEING… A snow plow… who tries to smooth out every bump or problem and solve every issue… A hovercraft… who calls daily (or more), is an alarm service, makes academic & financial decisions, is overinvolved in emotions… A blackhawk… who calls profs or administrators, intervenes in conflicts or rescues, may even employ threats!

So…what IS best to do??? 1) Inform yourself about BU’s student services, campus activities, and organizations that are available to provide support (ARC, Campus Ministry, Counseling Center, Disability Services, etc.) When problems arise, direct your fresh- man to these services rather than solving the problem yourself (ie, room- mate issues, difficulty with a course assignment, low test grade)

More “to do’s”… 2) Wait until your freshman calls you…they will call!!! This helps to avoid: A) Emotional rollercoaster “I hate it here, my classes are dumb, I don’t like anyone!” Translation: I want you to buy me a car so that I can go see my boyfriend two hours away!

Too much contact makes for too much worry! B) Reacting too quickly to homesickness… Most freshmen experience some degree of homesickness, which is very natural and may occur even several months after beginning college. BU has many support services to help freshmen deal with this. You can help by en- couraging these services, re-assuring that this will pass, and reminding yourself that overcoming this will strengthen their ability to cope.

What about academics? 3) This is the time for freshmen to learn…and to make mistakes…let them! Avoid being over-involved in their academic life: A) If your freshman is upset over a grade or confused about an assignment, advise him/ her to talk with the professor (profs do not appreciate calls from parents!) or seek help from the Academic Resource Center (ARC).

Academics continued… B) We learn by doing the work ourselves! Resist the temptation to “edit” your freshman’s work!

Academic Major… 4) Students will follow their own passion, which, by the way, may be different from what you envisioned! Be patient…forcing a son or daughter into an academic field can result in intentional failure on the student’s part or significant unhappiness after college. ***Career Services can help!

Importance of Adhering to Policies 5) Stress that learning is HARD WORK! Generally speaking…there is NO EXTRA CREDIT in college!

Policies continued… Parents can be most supportive by: Stressing the need for their freshman to abide by all policies/procedures in course syllabi and the university handbook; Discouraging absenteeism from classes, including “parent-approved” absences; Helping their freshman understand that college is different; there are high expectations for performance that require compliance to professors’ requests and standards.

Keeping up with what’s going on! 6) Avoid being the anti-helicopter parent as well! Appropriate parent support is beneficial - ask how things are going… including coursework, relationships with friends, campus activities, etc. Most important…if you suspect that your freshman may be depressed or excessively stressed or struggling, do not hesitate to contact the university!

Parting Advice… When you feel the urge to “hover,” or when you think you need to “smooth out some wrinkles,” Please call the ARC (502-452-8071) and simply say… “I want to speak to one of the advisors.”