Emotional Regulation: Checking the Facts

How we naturally respond to events in our lives You see a friend in the hall who you talk to everyday. You say hi, but she doesn’t say hi back. How do you respond? You might feel angry. You might feel hurt. You might think that she’s angry with you. What are some other possibilities? - She’s having a bad day and doesn’t want to talk. - She’s worried about a test. - She’s feeling sad because of something that happened in her family.

Making up stories in our heads We all tend to make up stories in our head when we have an interaction with someone that is difficult. We often tell ourselves a story that makes us feel upset. Think of a time when you made up a story in your head and then found out you were wrong. Write it down on your reflection sheet. Share it with your elbow partner.

Making up stories in our head: What are other possibilities? Here’s another example: You made dinner for a friend and he doesn’t show up when he is supposed to. You spent all day cooking. You feel angry and hurt that he is so disrespectful of your time and your efforts. You think maybe he doesn’t care for you. What’s another possibility in this scenario? -His car broke down. -Someone in his family had an emergency. -He had a last minute meeting at work and couldn’t call.

Checking The Facts None of us knows why another person does something or what he or she is feeling unless we ask. Think of a situation with a friend or family member that might cause you to feel angry or hurt? For example, your mother yells at you for something that usually doesn’t bother her. Write it down in your reflection sheet. Share your example with a partner. Now think about asking that person why they did what they did when the situation has calmed down. Brainstorm some possible answers that might not have anything to do with you. Share with your partner.

Fact or Interpretation Your best friend says he/she will call you and then doesn’t call. You think your friend must be angry with you. INTERPRETATION The cashier at Starbucks is rude to you. You think this person must not like me. Your sister told you that she doesn’t want you to go into your room. She yells at you for going into her room. You think she must be angry with me. FACT

My Thoughts After considering the ideas in this presentation, what are three ideas about “Checking the Facts” that might help you the next time you feel upset in a situation with a friend, family member or at school? Write your answer on your reflection sheet.