Assertiveness in management Sue Duraikan Assertiveness in management

Objectives Be able to think assertively about yourself and others Recognise values, rights and responsibilities of an assertive manager Discover how to use assertive words, tone and body language Learn how to handle typical management challenges using assertive techniques Recognise aggressive, passive-aggressive and passive behaviour in others and encourage them to act assertively

Assertiveness is….. …acting in a way that shows your self-respect and your respect for others …being able to stand up for your rights, wants, needs and opinions without denying those of others.

Aspects of assertiveness Expressing unpopular or different opinions Asking someone to change their behaviour Making a complaint Refusing unreasonable requests Admitting you’ve got it wrong Giving and taking compliments Starting and maintaining a conversation

Steps to assertiveness Think right! Act right!

Values It’s best to be honest and open with people. The customer is king. Got to keep learning since the world keeps changing. You stay till the job is done.

Values If we think positively, we’ll find a solution. We’ll get more done by sharing the workload. Things can always be improved. We have to be fair.

The psychological contract…. …..The perceptions of two parties (employee and employer, manager and staff) of what they expect of each other.

Rights and responsibilities To receive clear communication To refuse certain requests Responsibility: To act on it appropriately To give a clear reason for doing so

Think right! Manage your self-talk Define your rights as a manager Define your responsibilities Consider what rights your staff, peers and bosses have

Management: getting things done through people Achieve the task Motivate the individual Develop the team John Adair, Action-Centred Leadership

Albert Mehrabian, Silent Messages Making an impact Verbal 7% Vocal 36% Visual 57%

Verbal impact: characterised by mutual respect Purposeful Clear Positive Focussed Firm but flexible Friendly Factual Finding out

7 types of assertion Basic assertion ‘As I see it…’ Empathy ‘I can see why you’re annoyed.’ Probing ‘Why is that important to you?’ Roll with the punch ‘You’re right, that was careless of me.’ Discrepancy ‘We agreed that.. However..’ Negative feelings ‘I feel frustrated that… Consequence ‘Unless you.. I will..’

Visual impact Eye contact Hands Feet/movement Facial expression/animation Clothes

Vocal impact Volume Articulation Pace Pitch Range Inflection

Cultural aspects of assertiveness Visual Greeting Personal space Eye contact Facial expression Vocal Volume Rapidity Range Verbal Directness Agreement Self-promotion

Management challenges One of your staff has emailed you asking if they can have 3 days’ holiday next week. You already have one member of staff on long term sick leave, one going on a training course and your team has a backlog of work to clear.

Your rights Their rights Self talk Visualise success Behaviour Outcome achieved Outcome avoided

Making a request DO Be direct and concise Give reason for request Respect their right to refuse DON’T Over- apologise Flatter and promise rewards Take refusal personally Try to wear them down!

Making a request (DESO) Describe the situation ‘The deadline for presenting the data is tomorrow.’ Express how you are feeling ‘I’m concerned that I haven’t seen your results yet.’ Specify what you would like to happen ‘Can you send me your results by 3 o’clock?’ Outcome ‘Then we can be sure of getting the data collated in time.’

Refusing a request DO DON’T Be polite ‘Thank you for...’ Ask for more info or time Keep it short but friendly Repeat refusal Speak slowly, steadily, warmly DON’T Over-apologise Over-explain Ask permission to say no Hurt feelings

Handling aggression: verbal Communicate clearly Ask questions and listen Answer questions Apologise if in error Show you’re keen to find a solution Don’t appear hurried Don’t take it personally Point out consequences if appropriate

Handling aggression: visual and vocal Breathe deeply - even, warm tone Open position Keep hands calm Watch personal space Both sit down

Handling passive-aggression Self-talk Don’t blame yourself Don’t take the bait Focus on what I need Try to see it from their viewpoint Verbal Ask questions Listen Be honest Communicate clearly without blaming

Handling passive-aggression Visual Steady eye contact Friendly, open facial expression Open posture, calm gestures Vocal Even, warm tone Speak slowly and clearly Use silence to encourage openness and honesty

Handling passive behaviour Verbal Empathy Ask questions and listen Supportive, encouraging message Firm, clear message, repeated if necessary, Vocal and visual Gentle tone Relaxed posture Supportive facial expression

TED talks https://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are?language=en Fake it till you make it Fake it till you become it