Chapter 8 Sexuality and Intimate Relationships

What is dating? Can you date more than one person at a time? Do Now What is dating? Can you date more than one person at a time?

Having social plans with someone in whom you are interested in Dating is… Having social plans with someone in whom you are interested in

Friendship Essential Ingredient in all high-quality relationships Healthy Friendship: Balanced relationship Promotes Mutual Respect & Healthy Behaviors

Balanced vs One-Sided Friendship 2 people give and receive equally One-Sided: One person does most of giving Other does most of receiving

Benefits of Dating 4- Develop Intimacy Skills 1- Strengthen Self-Esteem 2-Improve your social skills 3-Become more secure with your masculinity or femininity Sex Role: way a person acts and the feelings/attitudes they have about being m/f 4- Develop Intimacy Skills 5-Understand personal needs

Handling Rejection Rejection: Healthy Ways: Feeling of being unwanted/unwelcome Healthy Ways: Share feelings with trusted adult or friend Find a healthy outlet

Dating Standards 1- Obtain background info 2-Tell parents/guardian of plans 3-Arrange safe transportation 4-Establish Curfew 5-Establish Code of Conduct 6-Expect a code of conduct from the other person

Behaviors That Indicate Respect 1-Self-loving behaviors 2-Trust & Honesty 3-Healthful expression of feelings 4-Adherence to family guidelines 5-Goals & Plan to reach them 6-Interdependence 7-Balance 8-Avoidance of Abusive Behavior 9-Drug-free lifestyle 10-Consensual Sexual Decision

Love vs. Infatuation Infatuation: intense, seductive, all consuming. feel like you cannot go on without this person. involves hours of daydreaming Passionate attraction feel you must move forward quickly Jealousy is very common

Love vs Infatuation Love: Real love is a mature love. There is not the urgency and overwhelming feelings of intensity like there is with infatuation. Like a friendship that has grown and deepened. Realistic. You see the flaws and imperfections in the other person and accept them as part of who they are. Acceptance of you for who you are, without pretense or masks. Trust. No need for jealousy. You want the best for each other. Encourage & Support

Sexuality: The Relationship Dimension Intimacy Intimacy is a feeling, not an act. Many people mistake genuine intimacy with sexual intercourse; they are not the same. What do you consider to be intimacy?

Sexuality: The Relationship Dimension Life Cycle of Intimate Relationships Intimate relationships tend to go through stages: Selecting a partner Developing intimacy Establishing commitment

Sexuality: The Relationship Dimension Life Cycle of Intimate Relationships Proximity: You are likely to become intimate with someone within close proximity. Similarity: Aspects of similarity, including similar race, age, religion, education, social background, attitudes, values, and interests, affect intimacy. Physical appearance: Physical appearance provides cues that indicate who among the eligible pool is a desirable intimate partner.

Sexuality: The Relationship Dimension Endings Endings often mark the start of a new and better future. Endings occur for a variety of reasons. People handle breakups differently: Some feel tired, lethargic, depressed, helpless, and hopeless. Some are relieved. Some are euphoric and self-confident.

Communicating in Intimate Relationships The basis of every communication act is the sender’s reasons for the message. Messages are made up of symbols. The receiver takes in the symbols and decodes them. Every communication act carries two types of meanings—literal and metamessage.

Communicating in Intimate Relationships Sending Clear Messages Clear messages are best delivered with I-statements, which are sentences that begin with “I.” You-statements, which begin with the pronoun “you,” are often put-downs or character assassinations.

Communicating in Intimate Relationships Effective Listening Effective listening is important because the receiver takes in the sender’s message and can establish the physical and emotional context for the communication. The listener needs to communicate to the sender that the sender’s message was received—this is called feedback.

Communicating in Intimate Relationships Effective Listening Techniques for effective receiving: Give the sender your full attention. Make eye contact. Just listen, and be empathic. Be an open for receiving the message. Give verbal feedback. Acknowledge the sender’s emotions. Praise the sender’s effort. Be unconditional.

Communicating in Intimate Relationships Expressing Anger Constructively Tensions, disagreements, and anger are common in intimate relationships. Anger is sometimes highly appropriate—when a partner does something self-destructive, when someone hurts you. You have an obligation to tell intimate friends and partners that you’ve been hurt by them because it gives them important information about you and helps the relationship develop.

Communicating in Intimate Relationships Expressing Anger Constructively Anger can communicate caring; it is a message that the relationship is important and that improvement is desired. © Philip Date/ShutterStock, Inc.

Communicating in Intimate Relationships Expressing Anger Constructively How do you communicate anger? Does it work or are you often misunderstood? How can you communicate your anger in a better way?

Conflict Conflict avoidance: conflict response style in which a person avoids disagreements at all costs. Conflict confrontation: conflict response style that attempts to settle disagreements in a hostile, defiant, and aggressive way.

Conflict… Conflict resolution: is a conflict response style in which a person uses conflict resolution skills to resolve disagreements. Conflict resolution skills: steps that can be taken to settle a disagreement in a responsible way.

Risk Factors for Being Involved in Harmful Relationships Lacking self-respect Being raised in a dysfunctional family Living in an adverse environment Lacking social skills Being unable to manage anger Resolving conflict in harmful ways Practicing prejudicial behavior Misusing or abusing other drugs

What to Do About Harmful Relationships Evaluate the relationship often Recognize when you must end a harmful relationship rather than work toward change Identify changes in behavior that must occur in the harmful relationship in order to promote healthful interaction Seek the advice of trusted adult Have talks about concerns and expectations Set a future date to reevaluate the relationship