Discuss the role of communication in maintaining relationships.

Vocabulary Verbal communication What you say What you don’t say Non-verbal communication Body Language The WAY you say things

Gender Differences in Communication – It is HIGHLY important to understand the other’s communication style and needs Deborah Tannen – Remember her???

See Crane pg 281 for quotes and details Men tend to… Interrupt more Change topic more Be defensive about a disclosure Offer specific advice Women tend to… Disclose more and to women more than men Use more language tags Be more inclusive Respond to negativity with understanding Remain on an emotional level Desire a sounding board for their own experiences

Two Theories of Communication …and also why relationships change or end

2 theories of communication Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse Social Penetration Theory Communication styles: Criticism Defensiveness Contempt Stonewalling Levels of disclosure: Orientation Stage Exploratory Stage Affective Stage Stable Stage Depenetration John Gottman

John Gottman Conducted multiple interviews with couples that had relationship trouble (often as ‘last resort’) Also conducted longitudinal research with ‘successful’ couples. Conducted research with heterosexual and same-sex couples. Came up with ‘4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse’ theory through observation of his research

Use of micro-expressions 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse 4 communication styles Criticism: Complaint that are blaming , attacking the character or insulting. Defensiveness: Making excuses, deflecting blame or avoiding responsibility Contempt: Using mockery, sarcasm or hostile humor to make the other appear foolish or feel stupid. Stonewalling: Actively disengaging from conversation (looking away, not responding…) – often happens when overwhelmed Use of micro-expressions

Theory of communication Frequency of statements is important – not the statements themselves Gottsman et al 2003 came up with the magic number Ratio of 5:1 For every negative statement, need 5 or more positive statements are needed to make up for it

Criticisism - Gottman Gottman claims to be able to predict divorce – those couples come to him being already in trouble… (retrospective in nature) Can’t verify if the communication style was the cause or the effect of the troubled relationship Ratio is only correlational – doesn’t answer the why?

Social Penetration Theory Altman and Taylor

Criticized or disinterested Self disclosure Found that relationships are formed through self- disclosure (revealing personal things to someone else) Self-disclosure needs to lead to self-validation. Relationship is weighed through cost-benefit Cost Benefit Self disclosure Validated by partner Valued Self disclosure Criticized or disinterested Back Away

Levels of disclosure The Orientation Stage Often referred to as small talk. Simple information about oneself without revealing anything that would reveal vulnerability. For example, I am Canadian. I live in Guangzhou. I am a teacher. There is low risk in this level of communication. The Orientation Stage

Levels of disclosure The Exploratory Stage One starts to reveal more about one's personal feelings and opinions - but still on rather "safe" topics. This may be one's thoughts on the current government, what we like and don't like about our jobs, thoughts on the future. This is the stage at which many friendships stay. The Exploratory Stage

Levels of disclosure The Affective Stage Beginning to share information of a private/personal nature. Often this stage also involves intimate physical relations The Affective Stage

Levels of disclosure The Stable Stage One feels that they can be honest and open with a partner. Trust is strongly developed. One can predict the emotional reactions of the other person. The Stable Stage

Levels of disclosure Depenetration When a relationship starts to break down There is a withdrawal of disclosure. Depenetration

About that Music Project… - Collin & Miller (1994)

Collin & Miller (1994) A meta-analysis of self-disclosure studies found: that people who disclose intimate information about themselves are more liked than people who don’t. People tend to disclose more personal information to those that they like If people disclose information to someone, they tend to like the person more Evaluate a Meta-analysis: See Moodle…Socio-cultural unit (4.9 – Social Learning Theory)

Overall Criticisms Of Theories into Communication Difficult to determine a cause and effect relationship between disclosure and the health of a relationship. disclosure is a result of a healthy relationship, rather than a cause of one. Large amount of the research on this topic has been conducted on Western women. This means that there is s significant sampling bias. Men and women appear to have different patterns of disclose, so the theory may be overly simplistic (back to Tannen). Using only this one argument to explain the health of a relationship is reductionist.

Review and Apply to LAQ…

2 theories of communication Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse Social Penetration Theory Communication styles: Criticism Defensiveness Contempt Stonewalling Levels of disclosure: Orientation Stage Exploratory Stage Affective Stage Stable Stage Depenetration John Gottman

Discuss the role of communication in maintaining relationships. Link to the question

Role of communication 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse Social Penetration Theory Positive communication is a necessity in maintaining a relationship Negative communication could end a relationship Disclosing personal information is important in communication to maintain the relationship