TIME SPENT WITH CHILDREN Dr. Sushma Desai Parenting For Peace. Dr. Sushma Desai www.parentingforpeace.in

The Best Thing to Spend On Your Children Is Your Time Time is very precious; but our children are even more precious to us. Children are not satisfied with only quality time; they need quantity time with parents to feel nurtured, loved and cared for. They may not express their time needs directly; the parents have to understand the age group specific subtle clues that they send. Dr. Sushma Desai www.parentingforpeace.in

Dr. Sushma Desai www.parentingforpeace.in Investment of time during first decade ensures children to become emotionally healthy adolescents and adults. Emotional disorders, behavioural problems and hatred for self and for parents are likely consequences of inadequate time with parents. Dr. Sushma Desai www.parentingforpeace.in

How do children express their need for time with parents? NEW BORN BABIES: Become fretful and irritable. Latch to the breast for long period of time to enjoy warmth of the mother. INFANTS: Demands attention by being grumpy,irritable and clingy. Cheerful babies hold attention by squeals of laughter and facial gestures when we try to move away. Dr. Sushma Desai www.parentingforpeace.in

Dr. Sushma Desai www.parentingforpeace.in TODDLERS: Prolong the routine care like feeding, bathing etc. Demands attention if the parents are physically present but emotionally not available (e.g. during phone calls) by holding the mouth/ closing the eyes of the parent or crying aloud. Will insist the parents to play with them. SCHOOL GOING CHILDREN: Demand parent’s presence at home when they return from school/ insist to pick up and drop them. Demand teaching the concept that is already known to them / already explained by the parent. Dr. Sushma Desai www.parentingforpeace.in

Dr. Sushma Desai www.parentingforpeace.in GROWN UP CHILDREN: Might call the parent many times a day while at work for a trivial reason. Make excuses by faking the illness( e.g. headache, stomach pain) to stay with parents. Cry at trivial reasons until the parents shower their love by hugging, kissing, stroking etc. ADOLESCENTS: Might blame the parents for every disappointments. Might find the solace in other activities like high risk behaviours. Dr. Sushma Desai www.parentingforpeace.in

Dr. Sushma Desai www.parentingforpeace.in ADOLESCENTS cont. Might seek love and time from another person (can be an adult, peer group member or a member of opposite gender) and grip the person too tight for the fear of losing him/her. Might withdraw themselves from all routine activities and start hating self / losing self confidence in various social interactions. Depression and Suicidal ideation / show intense sibling rivalry, esp. towards younger sib. who is getting more attention. Dr. Sushma Desai www.parentingforpeace.in

HOW TO SPEND TIME WITH CHILDREN Your Children Need Your Presence Not Presents – Jesse Jackson. NEW BORN BABIES: By interacting with them in a soft voice, cuddling them making eye contact when they are awake and alert. INFANTS AND TODDLERS: By being available around them when they explore the world in their own way of locomotion. Satisfy their curiosity by answering their questions attentively and patiently. Being there for them during happy and sad moments. Telling stories at bed time. Some parents try to compensate their absence by providing gifts. Many parents engage the child in different activities ,taking them from one place to another,so that the kid do not find any free time to feel the absence of parents.They enjoy the new activity for some time,but come back to parents for a hug or a cuddle. Dr. Sushma Desai www.parentingforpeace.in

Dr. Sushma Desai www.parentingforpeace.in HOW TO SPEND TIME contd. SCHOOL GOING CHILDREN: By helping them with their assignments; either by being near them accessing reference material together. By playing the games (like snakes and ladders or any other favorite game) with them. By being available at home to receive them from school; with openness to listen to their stories. Dr. Sushma Desai www.parentingforpeace.in

Dr. Sushma Desai www.parentingforpeace.in HOW TO SPEND TIME contd. ADOLESCENTS: By continuously being emotionally available and connected with them. By driving them to and from the school/ coaching class and by encouraging discussion (by asking open ended questions) during this drive. By spending quality time conversing with children while teaching, shopping, watching T.V., eating out, holidaying etc. Chatting about school clubs, sports, school romance etc helps to establish rapport and creates friendly bond. Dr. Sushma Desai www.parentingforpeace.in

You Have A Life Time To Work, But Children Are Young Only Once. Dr. Sushma Desai www.parentingforpeace.in