Acceptance and Values: How to handle disappointment, negativity and lack of motivation after a setback.

Objectives Identify some challenges that come with disappointments Outline steps for coping with disappointment Discuss the role of acceptance and values in overcoming disappointment Go through slide So how are you really feeling after mid term exams Next slide

After mid-term Blues? Has it been rough for you since?

Was it too much for you? Or did you think that it was so bad that it brought you to tears? Any of these reactions can certainly emerge after experiencing a significant disappointing event So how will we define disappointment?

Disappointment Disappointment is an emotion occurring when what you want to have happen, doesn't happen. Sometimes it's simply bad luck, but more often than not our plans or expectations need adjustment. Disappointment results from thoughts and expectations being out of line with reality (Ashworth, 2015) Go through slide It certainly means that things do not go the way we expect or plan Often we emerge like this (next slide)

Typical challenges when faced with disappointment Staying positive and motivated in the face of demands, sadness, anxiety, distress, frustration Moving forward  Getting out of a study slump  Overcoming negative thoughts about self and others Go through slide You can imagine then that it will be difficult to move on …but there are steps we can take to get going again Next slide

Steps to managing disappointment Manage your emotions Don’t take it personally Review expectations Take a big picture perspective Try again or try another tack Practice Acceptance Go through slide We shall now look at each separately Next slide

Manage Your Emotions The most important tool when coping with a difficult or unexpected occurrence Important to let yourself feel the emotions and identify them The emotions help you to be aware of how much the event means to you Avoid making judgments and decisions based on the emotions Go through slide Next slie

Don’t Take it Personally Avoid attributing negative life events to your entire personal life Taking it personally narrows your point of view It prevents you from being open to learn something from the situation Take the stand of openness of ‘not knowing’ why something turned out the way it did Accept that results aren’t always reciprocal to efforts. Go through slide Note that a big part of the hurt/disappointment is based on the fact that our expectations were dashed Next slide

Expectations: How did it contribute to your disappointment? Ask yourself….what kind of expectations do you set for yourself …do you want all As, do you just want to pass? How does it impact you when your expectations are not met? Perhaps when this happens we need to make some adjustments Next slide

Review/Adjust your Expectations Expectation is a key element in disappointment. It also contributes to much of the stress associated with disappointment Strive to have expectations that are reasonable and possible Go through slide Sometimes looking moving form the specific to the bigger picture is what helps us to try again Next slide

Big Picture Perspective Take time to reflect on what is happening for you with this event Be open to reevaluate, gain insight and clarity about what this means for you Evaluate the extent of the importance of the disappointing event in the bigger scheme of things Go through slide Naturally if something is important enough, it is natural to pursue it. But in order to get different result something might have to change Next slide

Try Again or change the Tactic Decide what to do next…what actions do you need to take? Figure out what you need to change Redirect your thinking You have control over how you think When you find yourself bombarded with negative thoughts, redirect to positive solutions. Go through slide Note though that in the struggle to change things and move on, it is important to accept what happened and let it go Next slide

Acceptance Comment on slide So how does acceptance actually work? Next slide

Practice Acceptance It is natural to be upset so acknowledge it and accept the pain Know that disappointment is part of life…part of being human Know that it will always be a struggle to accept disappointment Acceptance of anything aversive is a lifelong challenge but it is necessary and adaptive for coping with disappointment. Go through slide As you can image sometimes acceptance can be very difficult but you can always use your values to remind you of what needs to be done Next slide

Let Your Values be your Guide Comment on values….every person has values that drive behavior Next slide

Let values guide you…not feelings and thoughts Define your values. What is important to you? Move toward your values despite: negative thoughts/feelings, low energy, distress, disappointment, slumps, sadness, anxiety…pain and discomfort Remind yourself of your values often Let your values motivate you, define what you do each day (instead of avoiding pain or changing how you think/feel) Let your values dictate what you do So go back to figuring out what your values are. Go through slide (refer to some of the values in previous slide) Values on their own will do nothing if you do not act on them…that’s a crucial part of moving forward Next slide

Action Plan Taking action gives you some of the power you lost…action can help you to find hope and purpose again So is there a time to act? (Next slide)

Act Now Don’t want to long….that will be procrastination. Go back to studying. Develop a plan. See a learning strategist. Do whatever is necessary to get back on task. Next slide

Committed Action Involves what we need to do to live by our values The actions we take to make our lives meaningful often give rise to pain… School is meaningful, but often disappointing Relationships are meaningful, but often hurtful Are you willing to make room for pain in order to do what matters to you? - Identify your values, develop goals that express those values, choose actions that lead toward those goals, recognize barriers to taking action Go through slide. Comment on slide Next slide

In short: ACT ACT A = Accept your thoughts and feelings, and be present C = Choose a valued direction T = Take action You can remember this simple acronym Go through slide Next slide

Post It And when all is said and done you can say this to yourself We also provide help for you to keep moving (PSC etc) Next slide

Resources on Campus Psychological Services Center (PSC) Campeche Hall , Top Floors (Behind Bourne Lecture Hall) Call 439-2277 (to make an appointment Department of Educational Services (DES) Below Pensick Hall 444-5008

Upcoming Wellness Wednesday Understanding and Preventing Burnout March 30th Self-care and Your Health April 13th

Works Cited Ashworth, M. (2015). Dealing with Disappointment. Psych Central . Retrieved on March 8, 2016, from http://psychcentral.com/lib/dealing-with-disappointment/. Durst, J. (2012). Acceptance and Values: Dealing with disappointment, negativity and lack of motivation. Psychological Services Center, St. George’s University. Henshaw, S. (2015) . How to Cope with Disappointment. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 9, 2016, from http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2013/10/20/how-to-cope-with-disappointment/. Raeeka (2016). 4 steps to deal with disappointment. Retrieved on March 9, 2014 from http://tinybuddha.com/blog/4-steps-to-deal-with-disappointment/ Wiki How to do anything: http://www.wikihow.com/Deal-With-Disappointment