Review In the past two months we have discussed Hitlamdut and Behira Points. I asked that you try to practice these both by yourselves and with your family. Hitlamdut is the practice of self-awareness or paying attention to what you do or think. And Behira Points are choice points or decision points in your lives. How well do you think that this went with you and your families? Can I do anything to help you work better with these Middot?

In the spirit of mindfulness I would like to take the next few minutes to let you talk with your partners regarding your progress and then come back to the group and have each of you share a sentence or two regarding how you chose to manifest the middah over the past two months. Regarding time, since I know how we can all go on and on, I am suggesting that each partner take one minute each and when we come back to the group the same applies.

Some hints: When your family is gathered together, say at dinner, discuss the middot of the month and ask what they have done to practice the it. When you meet with your partner, either on the phone or in person, discuss events or happenings that caused you to think of, or put into practice, the middot. When your children ask about a problem they are having or talk about a decision that they have to make; bring up the middot and see if it applies to help with a possible solution.

ANAVAH

Anavah is a word that means humility. Humility in the both the Jewish and Mindfulness perspective does not mean to abdicate your self- esteem in order to please others. Instead it is the definition of a person who takes up just the right amount of space and is hospitable to others. This means that he/she does not think that they are better than others or less than others…but instead strives for the middle or balance.

Taking up the right amount of space- being neither arrogant or unworthy-the person welcomes the opportunity to learn from others. This means that you are consistently seeking to learn from others and to learn how to recognize your failings and correct them. In so doing you will stop thinking about your virtues and thus take your mind off your friend’s faults. It also means that you are 100% present when talking with others.

When we are fully present in a situation we set aside what we thought was important to us and focus only on what is being shown or presented at that time. This is akin to saying “Hineini” or Here I am- teach me or tell me what I need to do or say. Thus you are fully present in taking in the entire situation, not coloring it with other thoughts or ideas. Hineini is an excellent word to use as a “focus phrase” thus bring you back to what is important in life and help you practice Anavah. This can be very difficult in our society today when we are pulled in different directions all the time and pride ourselves on the ability to multi- task…but is this something to be proud of?

Because of the focus of being fully present in a situation Rabbi Abraham Isaac Kook said that “Anavah is the perfect vessel for receiving (a) blessing. “ When we live with Anavah we are able to receive the blessing of experiencing our world fully and share the blessing of our authentic self. In these classes we have been practicing Anavah by allowing others to speak without interrupting them. Thus, we hear fully what they have to contribute to the conversation. Conversely we expect the same from others when we are speaking. Where else might we practice Anavah?

How many of you have been to a meeting where someone just keeps talking and talking and talking?????

How about the dinner table…is there one family member who just will not stop monopolizing the conversation??? Is it you?

Can you think of any other examples regarding Anavah or a lack of it Can you think of any other examples regarding Anavah or a lack of it? How about: Refusing to pull over and let people pass on a narrow road when you are going too slow? Standing in the 15 item limit line with a half a basket of items? Parking in a handicapped space…just for a second while you run in the store really quickly. Taking the last roll in the basket without asking if anyone else wants it? Giving your opinion when it is not asked for?

Review for children Do you remember when we talked about Behira Points which are also called Choice Points? Do you think that you made any decisions in the past month by thinking about your choices? Did you see anyone getting bullied and if so what did you do? Did you help anyone change their mind when you knew that they were going to do something bad?

Anavah This month we are going to discuss Anavah. Anavah is another way of saying humility or knowing your place in life. The idea is to learn how to know when to speak up and when to keep quiet. Or when to take action and when to not take action. Sometimes our friends do things that make us mad. What are some of those things? How do you handle these situations?

Could it be that they talk too much and not allow you to say the things that are important to you? Do you ever do this? Or, do you let your friends talk and then when they are finished then you speak up? How about in your family, does anyone “take up to much space” when they are talking, playing, or just sitting around? How do you deal with this? What can you do to help yourself make sure that you are not that person?

Some kids seem to have all the answers and they always raise their hands. What about the kids who may know the answers but are too shy to raise their hands?

Suppose that you want to learn how to skateboard and you know kids who are great at it…would you ask them for help?

During this next month see what you can do to practice Anavah During this next month see what you can do to practice Anavah. Learn how to speak up when it is needed, but not take over the whole conversation. Learn how to ask for help from others when you want to learn something new. Practice talking with your best friend and see what happens…is one person doing all the talking? Practice with your family and see if you are the one doing all the talking or are you the one who never says anything?

So for this month remember that you are going to work on Anavah. You should have a strong sense of who you are, but, don’t get stuck in that idea. Be flexible and be open to changing your mind. Try to be kind to others even when they are stuck up. Sometimes the kids who act stuck up are really shy and need help. See you all next month.