Drafting an Extended Response Improve your Word Choice Develop Coherence Write an Introduction and a Conclusion Use Transitional Words

Improving Word Choice Avoid: Vague or General words Avoid Frequently overused general words: thing, nice, great, bad, good, a lot Select: Specific, Concrete words General: athlete Specific: football player More specific: wide receiver General: young Specific: school age More Specific: nine-year old

Improving Word Choice Be aware of connotations and denotations Avoid: clichés and sweeping generalizations Use a dictionary or thesaurus when in doubt. EX: watch, glance, stare Clichés: Busy as a bee, to make a long story short, cute as a button, come to find out Replace with: very active, to summarize, endearing, eventually

Sweeping Generalizations No one ever calls me. It always rains on my birthday. Everybody knows that Cincinnati has the best team. Replace with: I rarely get phone calls. It seems like every year it rains on my birthday. Many people believe Cincinnati will win the championship again.

Introduction Lead: statement of position, problem or riddle, surprising statistic or fact, question, brief story, quotation, catchy remark, thought-provoking statement Tie-In: creative link between your lead and your thesis statement Thesis statement: topic of response

Practice: Choose one and develop an introduction What is your favorite type of weather: sunny and clear or stormy and dramatic? Why? If cost were not an issue, what music concert would you want to attend and why? What way do you prefer to communicate with your friends when you are not with them: letter, phone, cell phone, e-mail, or Instant Message. Why? If you could choose whatever you wanted, how would you celebrate your birthday and why?

Conclusions Summarize, but don’t restate, your main idea from your opening thesis statement. Work in reverse of your opening: topic sentence, tie-in, and “goodbye” statement Invite the reader to ponder his own position by asking a question related to your topic. DO: include the information and reasons that you have already provided. DO: Remind the reader of some highlights you have covered. DON’T: Repeat your thesis word for word. DON’T: introduce any new ideas.

Sample Closing Summary of topic Citizens of the United States fiercely protect their right to individual freedom. Independent-minded people formed this country telling Great Britain to leave them alone and to stop interfering in their lives. This rich tradition of liberty should be protected, but not at the expense of our children. Sensible gun laws place reasonable limitations on the purchase of fire arms. These laws do not abolish the “right to bear arms”; they simply protect our children. How many more children must die before we make reasonable laws to protect them? Tie-in of key points “goodbye” and question to ponder

Developing a Coherent Response Above all, link ideas and paragraphs! Establish a logical order when brainstorming. Use transitions as links. Repeat key words and phrases that are important to your argument.

Transitions Time and Order: Order of Importance: Cause and Effect: after again and then as as long as as soon as at the same time before currently during eventually finally first gradually immediately in the future later meanwhile now second soon suddenly then third until when whenever while Order of Importance: above all especially first in fact in particular of highest importance more importantly most importantly Cause and Effect: as a result because for this reason if, then since so so that therefore thus whenever Comparison: also as well as at the same time both equally important in the same way likewise neither/nor similarly Contrast: although and yet but despite even so even though however in contrast instead of in spite of nevertheless rather than still whereas while on the one hand on the other hand