Awakening at Midlife: Kathleen Brehony, Ph.D.

1. What is Midlife? 2. Why Midlife can be dangerous and difficult? 3. How to use Midlife for Self-Growth.

There are lots of us in Midlife… 81 Million Americans between the ages of 35-55. 10,000 Americans turn 50 every day (one every 10 seconds)

Midlife is a specific developmental period of life.

Life as a Teleological Process

How we get off track… We are born whole but quickly become shaped by family, religion, culture, gender role, etc. etc. etc.

Midlife Gives Us Wake-Up Calls Physical Psychological Emotional Relational Professional Spiritual

Sometimes Midlife is a Crisis… “Danger” and “Opportunity”

Sometimes you just hear Peggy Lee singing… Is that all there is, my friend? Is that all there is?

Midlife is a time for Endings… Aging Loss of Relationships Empty Nest Loss of Opportunity Aging Parents, Loss of Loved Ones Health Issues AND Beginnings…

Midlife Demands a Change in Consciousness Consciousness is Awareness and Self-knowledge

Major Illusion: Things Don’t Change Most of us grow when life pushes us to do so You know what I’m going to do this weekend, honey? I’m going to grow. What the hell is he talking about??!!

Knowing an Underlying Secret

The Answer

That Number will ALWAYS be 9. An Underlying Secret of Mathematics “The Rules of 9” Rule #1: When any number is multiplied by nine, if the individual digits in the resulting product are added together, they will ALWAYS total nine as long as you keep summing the digits produced at each step until you get a one-digit number. That Number will ALWAYS be 9.

The Underlying Secrets of Midlife Realization: Life is half-over We recognize our mortality in a new way. Life as we have known it is now over. A major change in consciousness. Losses and change initiate a path to a new sense of meaning and greater passion. Life is a series of endings and beginnings.

A New Understanding of How Life Works…

The ego has believed that everything revolves around it. Wrong! The Self

At Midlife, the Self is asking – “When will you get around to me?”

In the first half of life, we devote our psychological resources to developing the persona.

The Shadow Knows…

How to know your Shadow… Make a list of every adjective that describes you, then write down its opposite. This is what is demanding to be acknowledged. Important hint: Find the Middle Way

Repressed Shadow Material Can Explode Out Like a Dam Bursting

Unconscious versus Conscious Midlife Passages In our culture we tend to discount the inner life but that doesn’t make it any less real. Unconscious versus Conscious Midlife Passages

We don’t like to think about or talk about the losses associated with Midlife

Poised for the Hero’s Journey “We have only to follow the thread of the hero path, and where we had thought to find an abomination, we shall find a god. And where we had thought to slay another, we shall slay ourselves. Where we thought to travel outward, we will come to the center of our own existence. And where we had thought to be alone, we will be with all the world.” -- Joseph Campbell, The Power of Myth

Stages of the Hero’s Journey The Call The Separation The Adventure The Return (Hero is ALWAYS changed)

The Agony of the Chrysalis

The Alchemical Metaphor “We are born to be awake, not to be asleep!” -- Paracelsus, 16th Century Swiss Alchemist

Stages in Alchemical Transformation Nigredo: “The Blackening” Albedo: “The Whitening” Rubedo: “The Reddening”

The Vitality of Transformation Like the Buddha WAKING UP Realize the values of the first half of life are not sufficient for the second half Change in philosophy and worldview Psychological and spiritual maturity Coming to our senses Live differently – with greater joy, meaning, and passion

Rowing & Flowing: The Sailboat Metaphor

To be Conscious is to be AWAKE! I’m AWAKE!

Seeing Ourselves Differently Schopenhauer - Embroidery Michelangelo – It is already inside you

Um, are you sure you don’t want to call your wife and kids? What do we do with this new-found insight? Stay just as we are? Move to Tahiti as Gaugin did? Um, are you sure you don’t want to call your wife and kids?

The Journey is frightening and we have a natural desire to get over it! JUST DO IT!!!!!!!

Holding the Tension of the Opposites

Tools for the Journey

Remember… Imagine… Identifying Your Values & Priorities Perfect Moment: Write for 5 minutes about a time in your life that felt just perfect to you.

What values can you draw from remembering a Perfect Moment in your life? Write those down.

Powerful Questions How well are you living the values you identified? Rate how well you are living those values on a 1-10 point scale (where 10 means you live those values all the time). What are your strengths in living your values? What are the obstacles to living your values? What changes could you make in your life that would raise those values 2-3 points higher? Define specific ACTION STEPS then TAKE THEM!

A Self-Assessment The Wheel of Life Example The eight sections of the Wheel represent balance.  Draw a copy of the wheel.  Using the center of the wheel as 0 and the outer edge as 10, rank your level of satisfaction with each area by drawing a line within that section.  The new perimeter of the circle will represent your Wheel of Life.  Is it a smooth or bumpy ride? The Wheel of Life is from Co-Active Coaching by Laura Whitworth, Henry Kimsey-House and Phil Sandahl; Davis-Black Publishing, 1998.

Rate Your Wheel of Life Here… Physical Environment Career Fun & Recreation Money Personal Growth Health Romance Friends & Family

Look at your Wheel of Life: Where are you selling yourself short? What would it be like to be more fulfilled in the wedge that speaks loudest to you? Where are you out of balance? What actions do you need to take to move one of your scores up 2-3 points? Write down some goals, and an ACTION PLAN including timeframe to accomplish these goals.

Dreamwork

Containers

Meditation, Prayer, Silence

Creative Expression

Physical Body

“Stay here, quivering with each moment, like a drop of mercury.” Stay in the Present “Stay here, quivering with each moment, like a drop of mercury.” -- Rumi

On Tigers and Goats

Late Bloomers & Don’t Die Guessing

Godspeed on Your Journey Thank You and Godspeed on Your Journey www.fullpotentialliving.com 252-473-4004 Kelly Kathleen and Co-author Dorothy