How to Raise Wise, Godly Children Training Your Child to Obey Dealing with Rebellion Training in Righteousness Aiming for the Heart

Dealing with Rebellion As we discussed at the beginning of this series, the scriptures teach us that: Children are born foolish and sinful. Therefore, until they are trained otherwise, children will naturally rebel against God and their parents. When this happens, parents are responsible to correct and discipline their children: The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother. (Proverbs 29:15 ESV) Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him. (Proverbs 22:15 ESV)

What is Proper Biblical Discipline? Proper biblical discipline occurs when a parent, acting in faith toward God and love toward his children, makes careful, timely, measured, and controlled use of physical punishment to underscore the importance of obeying God, thus rescuing the child from continuing in his foolishness until death.* *Paraphrased from Tedd Tripp, Shepherding a Child’s Heart

What is Proper Biblical Discipline? Proper biblical discipline demonstrates faithfulness to God: God commands parents to discipline their children as needed: Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die. (Proverbs 23:13 ESV) Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. (Eph. 6:4 ESV) How does obeying God’s command to use the rod when needed demonstrate a reliance on His wisdom and a trust in His counsel?

What is Proper Biblical Discipline? Proper biblical discipline demonstrates love for your child: Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him. (Proverbs 13:24 ESV) Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die. If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from Sheol. (Proverbs 23:13-14 ESV) The Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son... For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. (Heb. 12:6b-8 NIV)

What is Proper Biblical Discipline? Proper biblical discipline will help impart wisdom to your child: The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother. (Proverbs 29:15 ESV) Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him. (Proverbs 22:15 ESV)

What is Proper Biblical Discipline? Proper biblical discipline will help restrain your child’s natural tendency to do evil: Blows and wounds cleanse away evil, and beatings purge the inmost being. (Proverbs 20:30 NIV) For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. (Heb. 12:11 ESV)

Excuses Parents Use for Not Spanking I love my children too much to spank them. This objection is easy to understand. As J.C. Ryle observes: It is natural to be tender and affectionate towards your own flesh and blood, and it is the excess of this very tenderness and affection which you have to fear. Take heed that it does not make you blind you to your children’s faults, and deaf to all advice about them. Take heed lest it make you overlook bad conduct, rather than have the pain of inflicting punishment and correction. I know well that punishment and correction are disagreeable things. Nothing is more unpleasant than giving pain to those we love, and calling forth their tears. But so long as hearts are what hearts are, it is vain to suppose, as a general rule, that children can ever be brought up without correction. (J. C. Ryle, The Duties of Parents)

Excuses Parents Use for Not Spanking I love my children too much to spank them. Who benefits if you do not spank your child? Surely not the child. The [Bible] makes it clear that such failure places the child at risk. Who benefits? You do. You are delivered from the discomfort of spanking your child. You are delivered from the agony of inflicting pain on one who is precious to you. You are delivered from the inconvenience and loss of time that biblical discipline requires. I believe this is why the Bible says in Proverbs 13:24: “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.” According to this passage, hatred is what will keep me from spanking my child. Love will force me to do it. (Tedd Tripp, Shepherding a Child’s Heart, p. 112)

Excuses Parents Use for Not Spanking I’m afraid I will hurt him. Proper biblical discipline never physically endangers a child. To the contrary, the Bible teaches us that the child is in greater danger if you don’t discipline him: Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death. (Proverbs 23:13-14 NIV)

Excuses Parents Use for Not Spanking It doesn’t work* This objection requires further examination of a parent’s specific practice. Years of pastoral experience have persuaded me that cases of the rod not working can be summarized as follows: Inconsistent use of the rod. Failure to persist – Some folks never try anything long enough for it to work. They give the rod a couple of days. Their children are not transformed overnight. They give up in discouragement. Failure to be effective – The spanking was ineffective because the parents never made the rod felt. Doing it in anger – Children inwardly resist submitting their hearts to a parent who bullies them. *Gleaned from Tedd Tripp, Shepherding a Child’s Heart

Excuses Parents Use for Not Spanking It doesn’t work* Many people have said, “I’ve tried spanking and it just makes matters worse. It doesn’t work.” To begin to operate on the premise of, “I’ll try it” won’t work. To train our children in love with the rod is God’s command. It’s an act of faith to step out on his promise to fulfill his will in us strengthened by His own indwelling in us. Faith will not give up because it’s object is Christ and his Word… not ourselves or some “workable” principles. *Gleaned Al Fabrizio, Children – Fun or Frenzy