YCH Chiu Tsang Hok Wan Primary School P.6 People we admire Editing

Feedback on writing Content Organisation Language

Prepositions Connectives Articles Verbs Adjectives Nouns Pronouns e.g. I, them, his e.g. money, school, teacher e.g. beautiful, tall, hardworking e.g. make, do, go e.g. a, an, the e.g. and, but, although e.g. on, at, in

My mum is an English teacher. She was born in She is very popular among the students because she has a good sense of humour. Students all enjoy her class. My mum is not only a good teacher, but also a great mother. When I feel bored, it is my mum who stays with me and tells me stories. When I feel sad or bad, it is also my mum who looks after me with care. I remember that I caught a fever at midnight last year, my mum took me to the hospital. When we got home, it was about 5 oclock in the early morning. She had to wake up at 7 o'clock to prepare breakfast for me. Then she went to work. She must be very tired that day. I admire and love her because she is a role model for me. When I grow up, I want to be a teacher. Do you think the language is good? Can you give examples?

Language Pronouns Nouns Adjectives Verbs Articles Connectives Prepositions Sentence structures, etc.

My mum is an English teacher. She was born in She is very popular among the students because she has a good sense of humour. Students all enjoy her class. My mum is not only a good teacher, but also a great mother. When I feel bored, it is my mum who stays with me and tells me stories. When I feel sad or bad, it is also my mum who looks after me with care. I remember that I caught a fever at midnight last year, my mum took me to the hospital. When we got home, it was about 5 oclock in the early morning. She had to wake up at 7 o'clock to prepare breakfast for me. Then she went to work. She must be very tired that day. I admire and love her because she is a role model for me. When I grow up, I want to be a teacher.

My mum is an English teacher. She was born in She is very popular among the students because she has a good sense of humour. Students all enjoy her class. My mum is not only a good teacher, but also a great mother. When I feel bored, it is my mum who stays with me and tells me stories. When I feel sad or bad, it is also my mum who looks after me with care. I remember that I caught a fever at midnight last year, my mum took me to the hospital. When we got home, it was about 5 oclock in the early morning. She had to wake up at 7 o'clock to prepare breakfast for me. Then she went to work. She must be very tired that day. I admire and love her because she is a role model for me. When I grow up, I want to be a teacher.

The simple past tense

My mum is an English teacher. She was born in She is very popular among the students because she has a good sense of humour. Students all enjoy her class. My mum is not only a good teacher, but also a great mother. When I feel bored, it is my mum who stays with me and tells me stories. When I feel sad or bad, it is also my mum who looks after me with care. I remember that I caught a fever at midnight last year, my mum took me to the hospital. When we got home, it was about 5 oclock in the early morning. She had to wake up at 7 o'clock to prepare breakfast for me. Then she went to work. She must be very tired that day. I admire and love her because she is a role model for me. When I grow up, I want to be a teacher.

What did you do yesterday? I drew a picture. I played computer games. I read a book. I played football. I did my homework.

Can you correct the following sentences? He was win the game last month. He won the game last month. She was died in She died in My sister and I was tired. My sister and I were tired. There was two people. There were two people. They were not believe me. They did not believe me. She did not played with me. She did not play with me. The form is wrong. The negative form is wrong. The subject-verb agreement is wrong.

The simple present tense

My mum is an English teacher. She was born in She is very popular among the students because she has a good sense of humour. Students all enjoy her class. My mum is not only a good teacher, but also a great mother. When I feel bored, it is my mum who stays with me and tells me stories. When I feel sad or bad, it is also my mum who looks after me with care. I remember that I caught a fever at midnight last year, my mum took me to the hospital. When we got home, it was about 5 oclock in the early morning. She had to wake up at 7 o'clock to prepare breakfast for me. Then she went to work. She must be very tired that day. I admire and love her because she is a role model for me. When I grow up, I want to be a teacher.

Can you correct the following sentences? When I am grow up, I want to be a teacher. When I grow up, I want to be a teacher. My mum like cooking. My mum likes cooking. My sister and I am happy. My sister and I are happy. When I am sick, she takes care of me and give me medicine. When I am sick, she takes care of me and gives me medicine. I not like them. I do not like them. He not like them. He does not like them. The negative form is wrong. The subject-verb agreement is wrong. The form is wrong.

Check the verbs in pairs Can you circle all the verbs in your writing? Think about –Tenses She died in People were very sad and they cried. She did not listen to them. She always smiles. He does not like them. –Subject-verb agreement My sister and I were sad. She likes drawing. My sister and I are happy. When I am sick, she takes care of me and gives me medicine. Correct your mistakes

Check the verbs in pairs My dad is the person I admire. He works hard and take care of us. He love making jokes. Last year, he was caught a robber in Tsuen Wan. My mum and I was proud of him.

Editing Read your writing again carefully Focus on one or two language items at one time Refer to textbook or dictionary for examples Discuss with your classmates Ask for your teachers help when you have questions

Read your writing again carefully and write the final draft