Crucial Conversations & Conflict Resolution: Tips for Talking When the Stakes are High GVSU PACES Program

Overview 1.What is a crucial conversation? 2.Your style under stress 3.Overcoming conversation barriers 4.Managing intercultural conflict 5.Dialogue skills

Crucial Conversations Patterson, Grenny, McMillan and Switzler(2002)  What is it?  Three characteristics  Difference of opinion  The stakes are HIGH  Emotions are strong  Casual conversations can become CRUCIAL  When emotions intensify  Everyday workplace conversations can become crucial  Personnel reviews can become crucial conversations

Crucial Conversations  Ending a relationship  Asking a friend to repay a loan  Resolving child custody issues with an ex-spouse/partner  Asking a roommate to move out  Asking in-laws or parents to quit interfering  Giving your boss feedback about their behavior  Critiquing a colleague’s work (Patterson, et al. 2002, p. 8)

Some Examples Awkward Performance Review: hep

Crucial Conversations “Your Style Under Stress”

The Context  The human brain under stress –  “Fight or Flight”  Personal Tendency -  “Silence or Violence”  Examples  Is our style context dependent?

Overcoming Conversation Barriers What happens to relationships over time if we avoid resolving our conflicts – avoid having crucial conversations? DO EMOTIONS ACCUMULATE? DOES STRESS ACCUMULATE?

Cycle of Contempt com/watch?v=WjV QfeavgzU “CONTEMPT” - Silent com/watch?v=Pl6y OIxYpLk&feature=r elated “CONTEMPT”- Violent

Cycles of Respect

In Every Conversation The Goal is…. DIALOGUE Me Others Shared meaning Safety

A “Crucial” Conversation

WHAT CAUSES PEOPLE TO FEEL “UNSAFE”?  Lack of Mutual Purpose  They are unclear about or mistrust your motives, or see your goal and theirs as mutually exclusive.  Lack of Mutual Respect  They don’t feel respected or valued by you.

Intercultural Conflict  What are the sources of intercultural conflict?  What assumptions, biases and goals drive intercultural conflict?  How can you manage intercultural conflict?  Some application…

Intercultural Conflict  Okay…but what about culture?  What if the differences are cultural?  What is a “dominant culture”?  Cultural Values Exercise

FEEDBACK Verbal Non-verbal Sender Receiver MESSAGE The Ideal Communication Process

STATIC Non-verbal behaviors False attributions Stereotypes Ethnocentrism Native language and verbal acuity Sender Cultural Frame Receiver The Realistic Communication Process

How to Restore Safety When safety is at risk… 1. Recognize what’s going on and why. 2. Step out of the content temporarily. 3. Build safety. 4. Get back into dialogue.

Three Techniques for Rebuilding Safety 1.If you’re at fault, apologize. 2. When your intentions have been misunderstood, contrast. 3. When you have conflicting goals, find a mutual purpose. (Explore the purpose beneath the stated goal) Stated goal (position) Purpose (why they want what they want)

When in Dialogue….  Be specific about what happened. Avoid watering down the facts.  Be honest and respectful.  Discuss what’s recent and relevant.  Watch for signals that the other person feels unsafe, and take appropriate action.  Employ active listening skills.

Active Listening Skills  Use positive body language.  Minimize interruptions.  Ask probing questions.  Paraphrase to check understanding.  Respond to both content and emotion.

Dialogue Skills 1.Start with the Heart 2.Learn to Look 3.Make it Safe 4.Master My Stories 5.State My Path 6.Explore Other’s Paths 7.Move to Action

Dialogue Skills  Move to Action  Build consensus  Recognize when the conversation is recycling  Shift the conversation to “what next” or “how can we?”

Conclusion Q/A Evaluation

References De Lucia, R. J. (2008). Managing intercultural conflict. University of Pennsylvania. Landis, D. Bennett, J. M., & Bennett, M. J. (2004). The handbook of intercultural training (3 rd Ed.) Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications. Landis, D. & Bhaghat, R. S. (1996). The handbook of intercultural training (2 nd Ed.) Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications. Patterson, K., Grenny, J., McMillan, R. & Switler, A. (2002). Crucial conversations: Tips for talking when stakes are high. New York: McGraw-Hill

Thank you! FOR MORE INFORMATION CONTACT Sean Huddleston Grand Valley State University Intercultural Training Director 222 Student Services Building Allendale, MI (616) OR VISIT