Why Are Faith Communities Important? Address the spiritual nature of individuals Many women are active in faith communities Statistics suggest that “pastors” are sought out for help by battered women Batterers tend to seek spiritual support Children wrestle with questions of good vs evil Clergy carry an amount of respect in the community

The Churches Response to Domestic Violence and Abuse The number one place people Seek help for issues of domestic Violence and abuse is clergy. Know you have power to make the Issue better or worse.

CLERGY RESPONSE TO DV- STUDY 26% of the pastors said they normally tell a woman who is being abuse by her husband that she should continue to submit to him “and to trust that God would honor her action by either stopping the abuse or giving her the strength to endure it.” 25% said a lack of submissiveness in the wife is what triggered the violence in the first place. Mid-80’s Research done by Jim M. Alsdurf graduate Of Fuller Theological Seminary Questions 5,700 Protestant Pastors in the US and Canada: From “10 Lies the Church tells Women” J. Lee Grady

CLERGY RESPONSE TO DV- STUDY The majority of pastors said it is better for a woman to tolerate some level of violence in the home – even though it is ‘not God’s perfect will’ –than to seek separation that might end in divorce. 71% said they would never advise a battered wife to leave her husband or separate because of the abuse. 92% said they would never counsel her to seek divorce.

How Does the Faith Community Fit Into This Issue?

If a person shuts their ears to the cry of the poor, they too will cry out and not be answered… Proverbs 21:13 Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are oppressed, speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the vulnerable/humiliated and needy… Proverbs 31:8-9

Definition of Abuse A pattern of coercive behavior used by one person to control and subordinate another in an intimate relationship. These behaviors include physical, sexual, psychological, and economic abuse. Tactics of coercion, terrorism, degradation, exploitation, and violence are used to engender fear in the victim in order to enforce compliance.

Power and Control Wheel Many people believe that abuse is about social class, race, alcoholism, or drugs. While abusers may try to kill the pain with alcohol or drugs, these only aggravate abuse. All races or social classes abuse. Abuse is an attempt to gain control!

Cycle of Abuse Storm Tension

#1 Controlling and Violent People Use Sacred Texts to Control, Manipulate, and Exploit Others Peaceful People Use Sacred Texts to Treat People With Respect

#1 Controlling and Violent People Use Sacred Texts to Control, Manipulate, and Exploit Others Peaceful People Use Sacred Texts to Treat People With Respect and Enhance Themselves and Others

God has called us to peace… 1 Corinthians 7:16

#2 Sacred Texts Teach that Relationships Involve Mutual Respect, Honor, Value, Love, Mercy, and Compassion

Submit to each other out of respect for Christ… Ephesians 5

Husbands be considerate as you live with your wives and treat them with respect as the more vulnerable partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will will hinder your prayers… 1 Peter 3:7

Culture and a Family System Silence Traumatic bonding Fear to break through Sense of justice is not clear Forgiveness Marriage and Parenting Victimization

#3 We (Males Especially) Live In A World Where #2 is Seen as Negative

Male and Female Behaviors Girl Sissy strong sexual independent tough passionate Woman Wimp

Ways Clergy/People of Faith Can Help Speak Out Against Abusive/Controlling/Manipulative Behavior Listen to those who come forward Model Healthy Relationships Collaborate with Agencies Repentance is behavior modification Empathy and Compassion

Making Amends “If you are offering your gift at the alter and there remember that your brother/sister has something against you, leave your gift in front of the altar. Go first and be reconciled to them, then come and offer your gift.” Matt 5:23

Create Safe Space Listen to vulnerable = A culture of safety Speak Out… = Preach it! Stress Repentance

Jeff Means, Trauma and Evil The worst forms of trauma are the “human intentional type,” or trauma perpetrated consciously and intentionally by one human being on another. Jeff Means, Trauma and Evil

Create Safe Space Listen to vulnerable Speak Out Stress Repentance Confront oppression/oppressors Address cultural views of misogyny, bullying, oppression Collaborate with others

Resources www. theraveproject. org www. agapecoc Resources www.theraveproject.org www.agapecoc.com http://anglicansablaze.blogspot.com/2014/06/survey-domestic-violence-rarely.html Broken Silence

Ron Clark Agape Church of Christ www.agapecoc.com rclark@agapecoc.com