Through the Valley of Grief Help For the Hurting GRACE THROUGH GRIEF Session One: Finding Our Way Through the Valley of Grief Tuesday, February 6th, 2018

Understanding Grief

Understanding Grief -Because death is a part of life, grief is a part of life; in a way, we should be aware of and expectant of both, but we tend to push them to the back of our minds; thus when death of a loved one comes, and grief floods in, we can never truly be ready to face either

Understanding Grief -Because death is a part of life, grief is a part of life; in a way, we should be aware of and expectant of both, but we tend to push them to the back of our minds; thus when death of a loved one comes, and grief floods in, we can never truly be ready to face either -We grieve because we love, because we have made an emotional investment in someone who is now separated from us; if we are to avoid grief we would have to avoid love

Understanding Grief -Grief is a process that is necessary to go through in order to properly deal with the loss of a loved one; while we might wish to avoid or delay undergoing the process it it is not healthy to do so. The sooner we are able to give ourselves the opportunity to grieve, the sooner and better we can emerge from that season of grief.

Understanding Grief -Grief is a process that is necessary to go through in order to properly deal with the loss of a loved one; while we might wish to avoid or delay undergoing the process it it is not healthy to do so. The sooner we are able to give ourselves the opportunity to grieve, the sooner and better we can emerge from that season of grief. *Grief is neither a monster to flee from nor an intruder to bar entry to; the grief process can help us if we let it and respond to it properly

Understanding Grief -While we will all experience grief, each of us will experience it differently, due to differences in personalities, experiences and relationships. We should never feel ashamed of our expressions of grief, nor of how others may express their grief.

Understanding Grief -While we will all experience grief, each of us will experience it differently, due to differences in personalities, experiences and relationships. We should never feel ashamed of our expressions of grief, nor of how others may express their grief. -There is no set time that we should expect ourselves or others to be through the grieving process.

Understanding Grief -While we will all experience grief, each of us will experience it differently, due to differences in personalities, experiences and relationships. We should never feel ashamed of our expressions of grief, nor of how others may express their grief. -There is no set time that we should expect ourselves or others to be through the grieving process. -There will be a time we will emerge from the grieving process, but it is best to ensure the process has been as complete as possible

Understanding Grief -As we thus seek to understand the grieving process and how to eventually emerge from it, we will compare it to passing through a dark valley in our journey of life:

Understanding Grief -As we thus seek to understand the grieving process and how to eventually emerge from it, we will compare it to passing through a dark valley in our journey of life: -Once we enter this valley, there are various places we may all pass through, at various times and in various orders

Understanding Grief -As we thus seek to understand the grieving process and how to eventually emerge from it, we will compare it to passing through a dark valley in our journey of life: -Once we enter this valley, there are various places we may all pass through, at various times and in various orders -While it may be necessary for a time to linger at certain places, we must remember they are not places where we should stay.

Understanding Grief -As we thus seek to understand the grieving process and how to eventually emerge from it, we will compare it to passing through a dark valley in our journey of life: -Once we enter this valley, there are various places we may all pass through, at various times and in various orders -While it may be necessary for a time to linger at certain places, we must remember they are not places where we should stay. -Travelling through the valley alone is neither wise, nor necessary; the more help we reach out for, the easier and shorter the journey through.

Entering the Valley of Grief

Entering the Valley of Grief -Because we have a variety or relationships, with each we may experience grief in a different way:

Entering the Valley of Grief -Because we have a variety or relationships, with each we may experience grief in a different way: Immediate Family - Parent, Sibling, Child

Entering the Valley of Grief -Because we have a variety or relationships, with each we may experience grief in a different way: Immediate Family - Parent, Sibling, Child Relatives – Grandparents, Grandchildren, Aunts, Uncles, Nieces, Nephews, Cousins

Entering the Valley of Grief -Because we have a variety or relationships, with each we may experience grief in a different way: Immediate Family - Parent, Sibling, Child Relatives – Grandparents, Grandchildren, Aunts, Uncles, Nieces, Nephews, Cousins Friends

Entering the Valley of Grief -Because we have a variety or relationships, with each we may experience grief in a different way: Immediate Family - Parent, Sibling, Child Relatives – Grandparents, Grandchildren, Aunts, Uncles, Nieces, Nephews, Cousins Friends Pastors, Teachers, Students

Entering the Valley of Grief -Because we have a variety or relationships, with each we may experience grief in a different way: Immediate Family - Parent, Sibling, Child Relatives – Grandparents, Grandchildren, Aunts, Uncles, Nieces, Nephews, Cousins Friends Pastors, Teachers, Students Co-workers, Employers, Employees

Entering the Valley of Grief -Because we have a variety or relationships, with each we may experience grief in a different way: Immediate Family - Parent, Sibling, Child Relatives – Grandparents, Grandchildren, Aunts, Uncles, Nieces, Nephews, Cousins Friends Pastors, Teachers, Students Co-workers, Employers, Employees Pets

Entering the Valley of Grief -In some instances, when an individual we love is getting on in years or has been suffering from a long term illness, we enter the valley of grief gradually; we have some time to prepare ourselves for the eventuality, and when death comes it can be somewhat of a release for us.

Entering the Valley of Grief -In some instances, when an individual we love is getting on in years or has been suffering from a long term illness, we enter the valley of grief gradually; we have some time to prepare ourselves for the eventuality, and when death comes it can be somewhat of a release for us. -In other instances, when a death is sudden, unexpected or traumatic, we have no time to prepare ourselves, and by the shock of the event we are plunged into the valley of grief.

Initial Stages of Grief

Initial Stages of Grief Shock

Initial Stages of Grief Shock -Comes as our system struggles to process the loss that has occurred, especially when events surrounding the loss have been traumatic

Initial Stages of Grief Shock -Comes as our system struggles to process the loss that has occurred, especially when events surrounding the loss have been traumatic -natural protective response of body when overloaded; can give feeling of numbness or inability to think clearly

Initial Stages of Grief Shock -Comes as our system struggles to process the loss that has occurred, especially when events surrounding the loss have been traumatic -natural protective response of body when overloaded; can give feeling of numbness or inability to think clearly -can last for hours, days, even weeks

Initial Stages of Grief Denial

Initial Stages of Grief Denial -Our mind's attempt to resist entering into the valley of grief, or at least cushion our descent into it

Initial Stages of Grief Denial -Our mind's attempt to resist entering into the valley of grief, or at least cushion our descent into it -Begins with the denial of the loss, can continue in denial of pain

Initial Stages of Grief Denial -Our mind's attempt to resist entering into the valley of grief, or at least cushion our descent into it -Begins with the denial of the loss, can continue in denial of pain -Continued denial does not aid in recovery, and prevents one from moving forward

Initial Stages of Grief Intense Emotional Pain

Initial Stages of Grief Intense Emotional Pain -Comes in waves, and can express itself in various ways – weeping, anger, withdrawal

Initial Stages of Grief Intense Emotional Pain -Comes in waves, and can express itself in various ways – weeping, anger, withdrawal -Our tendency can be to attempt to bottle up our feelings, but allowing it to build up only intensifies the pain; we often need to give ourselves permission to grieve.

Initial Stages of Grief Intense Emotional Pain -Comes in waves, and can express itself in various ways – weeping, anger, withdrawal -Our tendency can be to attempt to bottle up our feelings, but allowing it to build up only intensifies the pain; we often need to give ourselves permission to grieve. -While the time and place one is presently in may not lend itself to the full expression of our grief, it is best to find a time and place where you are free to do so.

Initial Stages of Grief Intense Emotional Pain -Comes in waves, and can express itself in various ways – weeping, anger, withdrawal -Our tendency can be to attempt to bottle up our feelings, but allowing it to build up only intensifies the pain; we often need to give ourselves permission to grieve. -While the time and place one is presently in may not lend itself to the full expression of our grief, it is best to find a time and place where you are free to do so. -trying to numb the pain through various coping mechanisms only delays dealing with it. Stop running from grief; allow it to overtake you.

Intermediate Stages of Grief

Intermediate Stages of Grief As one begins to process the loss experienced, further emotions come to the fore which are natural and take time to work through.

Intermediate Stages of Grief As one begins to process the loss experienced, further emotions come to the fore which are natural and take time to work through. Often it is after the funeral has occurred, and many who came to comfort have returned home, that many of these feelings start to emerge.

Intermediate Stages of Grief Blame

Intermediate Stages of Grief Blame -Can be directed towards other people, towards self, or towards God

Intermediate Stages of Grief Blame -Can be directed towards other people, towards self, or towards God -occurs as we seek an outlet to vent or mask our pain

Intermediate Stages of Grief Blame -Can be directed towards other people, towards self, or towards God -occurs as we seek an outlet to vent or mask our pain -not a healthy place to stay long in – leads to bitterness, resentment, withdrawal, prevents genuine healing

Intermediate Stages of Grief Regret

Intermediate Stages of Grief Regret -occurs as we grieve over missed opportunities, lack of closure, dreams that will never become reality

Intermediate Stages of Grief Regret -occurs as we grieve over missed opportunities, lack of closure, dreams that will never become reality -expressed through phrases “What if...” or “If Only”

Intermediate Stages of Grief Regret -occurs as we grieve over missed opportunities, lack of closure, dreams that will never become reality -expressed through phrases “What if...” or “If Only” -dwelling on what might have been but can never be changed gives no path forward; it is necessary to learn from our mistakes and forgive ourselves

Intermediate Stages of Grief Seeking Answers

Intermediate Stages of Grief Seeking Answers -natural response as seek to process loss

Intermediate Stages of Grief Seeking Answers -natural response as seek to process loss -asking “why”, and not finding answers can feed our anger, but no answer we receive could ever be adequate.

Intermediate Stages of Grief Seeking Answers -natural response as seek to process loss -asking “why”, and not finding answers can feed our anger, but no answer we receive could ever be adequate. -at a certain point, having such questions answered will not matter anymore.

Intermediate Stages of Grief Loneliness

Intermediate Stages of Grief Loneliness -sets in as come to grips with separation from loved one

Intermediate Stages of Grief Loneliness -sets in as come to grips with separation from loved one -can occur when with other people as well as when you are alone, as socializing without your loved one feels awkward and painful

Intermediate Stages of Grief Loneliness -sets in as come to grips with separation from loved one -can occur when with other people as well as when you are alone, as socializing without your loved one feels awkward and painful -helpful to stay connected with those who share your loss for mutual support

Intermediate Stages of Grief Grief Spasms

Intermediate Stages of Grief Grief Spasms -occur as sights, smells, places, dates and situations trigger memories and emotions

Intermediate Stages of Grief Grief Spasms -occur as sights, smells, places, dates and situations trigger memories and emotions -natural, nothing to be ashamed of; signify grieving process ongoing

Intermediate Stages of Grief Grief Spasms -occur as sights, smells, places, dates and situations trigger memories and emotions -natural, nothing to be ashamed of; signify grieving process ongoing -will diminish over time

Intermediate Stages of Grief Anxiety

Intermediate Stages of Grief Anxiety -feelings of fear for how to face future and make decisions without loved one's input

Intermediate Stages of Grief Anxiety -feelings of fear for how to face future and make decisions without loved one's input -Physical health issues can contribute

Intermediate Stages of Grief Anxiety -feelings of fear for how to face future and make decisions without loved one's input -Physical health issues can contribute -can paralyze a person, limit progress

Intermediate Stages of Grief Anxiety -feelings of fear for how to face future and make decisions without loved one's input -Physical health issues can contribute -can paralyze a person, limit progress -no need to rush decisions, but no need to make them all yourself; others can help.

Intermediate Stages of Grief Depression

Intermediate Stages of Grief Depression -can be overwhelmed with sadness, lose hope for future

Intermediate Stages of Grief Depression -can be overwhelmed with sadness, lose hope for future -Physical health issues can also contribute to problem

Intermediate Stages of Grief Depression -can be overwhelmed with sadness, lose hope for future -Physical health issues can also contribute to problem -often necessary to get help to rediscover hope and purpose

Emerging from the Valley of Grief

Emerging from the Valley of Grief In time, healing comes. Life will never return to the way it once was, but it will return to a place of acceptance and peace.

Emerging from the Valley of Grief In time, healing comes. Life will never return to the way it once was, but it will return to a place of acceptance and peace. As certain feeling begin to change, we can recognize our time in the valley is coming to an end.

Emerging from the Valley of Grief Reminiscing

Emerging from the Valley of Grief Reminiscing -being able to share fond memories of loved one with happiness rather than pain

Emerging from the Valley of Grief Reminiscing -being able to share fond memories of loved one with happiness rather than pain -making records of memories helps ensure loved one remains cherished

Emerging from the Valley of Grief Reminiscing -being able to share fond memories of loved one with happiness rather than pain -making records of memories helps ensure loved one remains cherished -talking with others that share your loss helps all to heal

Emerging from the Valley of Grief Renewal of Energy

Emerging from the Valley of Grief Renewal of Energy -eating, sleeping habits no longer as disrupted

Emerging from the Valley of Grief Renewal of Energy -eating, sleeping habits no longer as disrupted -greater desire to be active

Emerging from the Valley of Grief Renewal of Energy -eating, sleeping habits no longer as disrupted -greater desire to be active -desire for reinvestment of energies in productive pursuits

Emerging from the Valley of Grief Reinvestment of Emotions

Emerging from the Valley of Grief Reinvestment of Emotions -Once acceptance of the loss occurs, one is willing to invest ones emotions in other relationships, and even in new relationships

Emerging from the Valley of Grief Reinvestment of Emotions -Once acceptance of the loss occurs, one is willing to invest ones emotions in other relationships, and even in new relationships -You give yourself permission to laugh and be happy again

Emerging from the Valley of Grief Reaching Out to Others

Emerging from the Valley of Grief Reaching Out to Others -In dealing with your own loss, you have a greater awareness of the grief of those who share your loss, and you begin to minister to their needs.

Emerging from the Valley of Grief Reaching Out to Others -In dealing with your own loss, you have a greater awareness of the grief of those who share your loss, and you begin to minister to their needs. -Having passed through the valley of grief, you have greater empathy for those who suffer loss, and through helping them your healing becomes complete.

Further Thoughts for Dealing with Grief

Further Thoughts for Dealing with Grief -Keeping a journal through the grieving process can be helpful, as it allows you a private way to express your grief and enables you to self-evaluate your progress

Further Thoughts for Dealing with Grief -Keeping a journal through the grieving process can be helpful, as it allows you a private way to express your grief and enables you to self-evaluate your progress -As a loss occurs, your direction and identity, and role in life changes; we may mourn those changes for a time, but in time it is necessary to accept and embrace them

Further Thoughts for Dealing with Grief -Keeping a journal through the grieving process can be helpful, as it allows you a private way to express your grief and enables you to self-evaluate your progress -As a loss occurs, your direction and identity, and role in life changes; we may mourn those changes for a time, but in time it is necessary to accept and embrace them -We are never alone in grief, not should we ever think we have to walk through the valley of grief alone. The more we lean on each other, the easier the journey for us all.

Finding Grace Through Grief

Finding Grace Through Grief We are never alone in our grief; there is one who knows our sorrows, and who is willing to walk with us and even carry us through our time in the valley of grief.

Finding Grace Through Grief We are never alone in our grief; there is one who knows our sorrows, and who is willing to walk with us and even carry us through our time in the valley of grief. Ps 34:18 - “The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.”

Finding Grace Through Grief We are never alone in our grief; there is one who knows our sorrows, and who is willing to walk with us and even carry us through our time in the valley of grief. Ps 34:18 - “The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.” Ps. 147:3 - “He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.”

Finding Grace Through Grief We are never alone in our grief; there is one who knows our sorrows, and who is willing to walk with us and even carry us through our time in the valley of grief. Ps 34:18 - “The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.” Ps. 147:3 - “He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.” Isaiah 53:3,4 – Jesus is “a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief” and has “borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows”.

Finding Grace Through Grief We are never alone in our grief; there is one who knows our sorrows, and who is willing to walk with us and even carry us through our time in the valley of grief. Ps 34:18 - “The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.” Ps. 147:3 - “He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.” Isaiah 53:3,4 – Jesus is “a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief” and has “borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows”. Psalm 23:4 - “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

Finding Grace Through Grief Grief can be a time in which we can either discover a relationship with God or deepen the relationship we have with him. As we seek his comfort through prayer, his word, and through song and through fellowship with others, we not only find healing for ourselves but strength and compassion to help others.

Finding Grace Through Grief Grief can be a time in which we can either discover a relationship with God or deepen the relationship we have with him. As we seek his comfort through prayer, his word, and through song and through fellowship with others, we not only find healing for ourselves but strength and compassion to help others. “Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort;Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.” - 2 Corinthians 1:3,4