The 5 Love Languages

Best - Worst - Golden Silver - Primary - Secondary Unlimited - Parents - Children Nature - Nurture - Stages Optical - Illusion - Work Play - Talking - Yelling Negative - Positive - Praise Universal - Galactic - Wrong Right - Fear - Brave Slave - Master - Orphans Europe - Asia - Canada

Purpose To identify your style of affection and communication To discover how you best receive love

The Golden Rule Does Not Work Golden Rule: Treat others how you wish to be treated Golden Rule does not work in love relationships The problem: rarely do two people get together that have the same preferred love language.

5 love languages Quality time Words of Affirmation Receiving Gifts Acts of Service Physical Touch

5 love languages detail 5 ways that people speak, understand, and express emotional love Unlimited ways to express love within a language You have a primary language and can receive love through all 5 BUT- If primary love language is not received do not feel loved through the other four.

The Power of Love Fundamental building block of all human relationships Can impact our values and morals Feel loved and needed you can survive pressures of life Gives us meaning in life

Role of Parents Lack of love from parents often motivates children to go searching for love in other relationships Relationship with parents has positive or negative influence on all relationships. Observation of parents’ relationships influence future relationships positively or negatively.

Misunderstanding of nature of love Develop addiction to romantic love Overwhelmed by romantic love in popular culture Believe that love is something that magically happens

2 Stages of Love Obsessive Stage Covenant Stage

Obsessive Stage of Love Under illusion that relationship is perfect Friends may see flaws, but we cannot Irrational thoughts and act impulsively Idealistic belief that love just happens; does not take work Lack of understanding beyond this stage relationship ends in failure relationship failure is continually repeated

Covenant Stage of Love Must be fed, nurtured and worked on Previous obsession fade; reality becomes clear Conscious, intentional, and a commitment to love no matter what Commitment to well-being. Requires two factors: knowledge of the nature of love and the willingness to love.

Quality Time Giving someone undivided attention Time spent talking and listening Activity enjoyed by both

Words of Affirmation True statements that affirm the worth of another person Best expressed in simple, straight-forward statements

Words of Affirmation Greatly influenced by language environment experienced growing up Grew up hearing easier to be affirming Grew up with negative language requires learning new vocabulary and losing critical responses Receive affirming words motivated to respond similarly

Affirming Words Appreciation Encouragement - Inspire courage to others Express - “I care” “I am with you” “How can I help?” Praise- Recognition of accomplishments. Kindness – not just WHAT we say, but how we say it Humbleness – makes request, not demands

Gift Giving Meaning of a gift  tangible object that says, “I was thinking about you. I wanted you to have this” fundamental universal languages of love Emotion communicated by gift is more important that gift itself

The Wrong Gift Given with strings attached As an apology or to fix a situation Require to be costly to impress or manipulate

Acts of Service Freely given, not out of fear, but out of choice Personal discovery that it is “more blessed to give than to receive

Service vs. Slavery Slavery Service Forced to serve Treats other as an object to be used Manipulation by guilt – “If you loved me, you would do this for me” Coercion by fear – “You will do this or you will be sorry Allowing oneself to be manipulated by another is not an act of love but treason Service Freely given, not out of fear, but out of choice

Physical Touch Physical touch is vital to development Time and Place Orphans who do not receive touch struggle to develop Time and Place Hugging Holding Hands Patting on the back Kissing