From Conflict to Reconciliation Admin is Ministry Webinar Rev. Christy Drechsel

Goals for Today Take the fear out of conflict Understanding the basics of conflict situations Understand our Conflict Management Styles Examine what the Bible tells us about conflict

What do we call this work? Conflict Management?? Conflict Resolution?? Conflict Transformation?? Conflict Reconciliation!!

Why Do We Avoid Conflict?

How Conflict Sparks Growth

Living in the Gray!

Dynamics of Conflict Situations Power – Think of the church with a family structure. There are “parents” that can make decisions “children” cannot. Who can be considered a “parent?” Can a “child” become a “parent?” How does the family structure work with the official established structure?

Dynamics of Conflict Situations Emotions – We are human beings created to feel and have emotions. This is not a bad thing! But when we lose control of our emotions they tend to lead us in the wrong direction. How can emotions be a good dynamic in a conflict situation? How can they be used for reconciliation?

Dynamics of Conflict Situations Language – Words have power by themselves, but often the issue grows when we do not communicate effectively. We say “I won’t serve on a committee chaired by him/her.” What we mean is “I don’t feel listened to or respected by him/her. In fact, I’m intimidated because of how often I was interrupted and talked over in our last meeting.” How can we use language to help instead of hinder?

Levels of Conflict 1st Level The people involved will stay focused on the problem. Their language will be specific and clear. They are problem solving not feeling panicked.

Levels of Conflict 2nd Level People become much more self-protective. Emotions begin to enter the conflict to the point that self-protection is more important than the actual problem. Language becomes more general.

Levels of Conflict 3rd Level People turn from self-protection toward winning. They will begin to gather supporters and make moves in the organization that will help them accomplish their goal of winning. Language begins to distort the situation and the “us” “them” words come out.

Levels of Conflict 4th Level The actions of the people turn from simply wanting to win toward wanting to get rid of the other all together. They feel someone has to leave for there to be resolution. Language continues to distort facts.

Levels of Conflict 5th Level People become religious fanatics about their position. They feel called by God to eradicate from the earth those to whom they are opposed. It is now not enough to get rid of someone, he or she must be punished.

Levels of Conflict Reduce tensions when possible. Be aware of the level of conflict you are addressing. We can sometimes escalate the situation by miss identifying signs. Have realistic goals and expectations. Ask for help when the situation has moved to a level in which you do not feel comfortable!

Images of God and Our Theology of Conflict Is there a connection?

Theology of Conflict Fighting is unchristian. Jesus never got into fights.

Theology of Conflict Fighting is unchristian. Jesus never got into fights. “Turning the other cheek” means letting others win.

Theology of Conflict Fighting is unchristian. Jesus never got into fights. “Turning the other cheek” means letting others win. Conflict is mean: One wins, others lose.

Theology of Conflict Fighting is unchristian. Jesus never got into fights. “Turning the other cheek” means letting others win. Conflict is mean: One wins, others lose. If I love like Jesus did, I can make peace with anyone.

Theology of Conflict Fighting is unchristian. Jesus never got into fights. “Turning the other cheek” means letting others win. Conflict is mean: One wins, others lose. If I love like Jesus did, I can make peace with anyone. In conflicts, God is in control.

Theology of Conflict Conflicts are good. They push us to learn and grow up.

Theology of Conflict Conflicts are good. They push us to learn and grow up. Jesus died on the cross because he was victimized.

Theology of Conflict Conflicts are good. They push us to learn and grow up. Jesus died on the cross because he was victimized. God wants everyone to stand up for his or her rights.

Theology of Conflict Conflicts are good. They push us to learn and grow up. Jesus died on the cross because he was victimized. God wants everyone to stand up for his or her rights. Heaven is where there is no fighting.

Theology of Conflict Conflicts are good. They push us to learn and grow up. Jesus died on the cross because he was victimized. God wants everyone to stand up for his or her rights. Heaven is where there is no fighting. If I fight fair with others, they will fight fair with me.

Biblical Examples of Conflict Reconciliation Matthew 18:15-17 If your brother or sister sins against you, go and correct them when you are alone together. If they listen to you, then you’ve won over your brother or sister. But if they won’t listen, take with you one or two others so that every word may be established by the mouth of two or three witnesses. But if they still won’t pay attention, report it to the church. If they won’t pay attention even to the church, treat them as you would a Gentile and tax collector.

Biblical Examples of Conflict Reconciliation James 1:19-20 Be quick to listen but slow to speak and slow to arouse your temper; God’s righteousness is never served by a person’s anger. VERSUS Ephesians 4:25a-26 You must speak the truth to one another… Even if you are angry, you must not sin.

Biblical Examples of Conflict Reconciliation Matthew 5:44 Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you. VERSUS Mark 8:33 Jesus rebuked Peter and said, “Get behind me, Satan!

How Do I Handle Conflict Situations? Speed Leas’ – Discover Your Conflict Management Style

Know Your Conflict Management Style Persuade – trying to change another’s point of view, way of thinking, feelings or ideas. Compel – the use of physical or emotional force, authority or pressure to oblige or constrain someone to act in a desired way Avoid/Accommodate – staying away from conflict or going along with it to keep the relationship going Collaborate – working with the other to resolve the conflict, joint or mutual problem solving (win-win) Negotiate – bargaining, collaborating with lower expectations (sorta win-sorta win) Support – one person provides support to the other person, involves strengthening and empowering

Questions