Surviving Exams - A Parent’s Guide

The difficulty with SSC exams is that it stretches all attention into the future. As a parent, what you need to do is focus on the PRESENT. Is the family a happy place to be in? Is your child feeling supported and loved? Is the family’s ability to cope with stressful times getting stronger?

This is the time when students start thinking about the future of their life. It is their first experience of facing large-scale competition. Every parent wants the best for their child - to provide him/her with all the best advantages. This can lead to a demand on their physical and mental energy, which we call STRESS.

It affects performance and generates fear. EXAM AND STRESS Some students worry constantly about their performance in the exam, even if they have prepared well, because people perceive that it is this examination alone that decides the future of students. Stress takes a toll on everyone and the ability to handle stress is different for every individual. For some, stress works; but for most, it is counter-productive. It affects performance and generates fear.

What stresses students? Unrealistic or unreasonable expectations of others and self Excessive competition Low self esteem Comparisons Last minute preparation

What stresses students? Parents’ lack of trust Managing Friendship & other Relationships Conflict Life changes

Signs of stress PHYSICAL Lack of sleep, appetite (or excess) Headaches and stomach pains Feeling sick and tired all the time Constant fatigue Increased heart rate Blurred vision Dizziness

Signs of stress Quick to get into arguments or get angry EMOTIONAL Depression or negative thinking Excessive worry / anxiety Self-injurious behaviour Lots of negative self-talk Avoidance of study Irritability

Signs of stress SOCIAL Social withdrawal, cutting off from usual routine (or increase in social activity) Lack of interest in activities COGNITIVE Difficulty in concentrating Forgetfulness

Do not micro-manage your child’s time. What parents can do to help children study well: Work out simple routines along with the child. Help the child in framing a time-table. Help the child with time management. Plan the child’s unsupervised time Plan the time you are going to spend with your child and how you will spend it. Do not micro-manage your child’s time.

Don’t overload the child with different kinds of study material. What parents can do to help children study well: Encourage the child to attend the school regularly. Allow him/her to participate in all school activities. Ensure that the child participates in all school exams. (some marks are given for internal assessments.) Ensure that your child submits all journals and assignments on time. Don’t overload the child with different kinds of study material.

Learn to negotiate with your child about the above issues. What parents can do to help children study well: Ensure that your child is getting enough food, sleep, and recreation. Plan outings judiciously, but do plan them. Create a guideline for TV watching, use of phone and internet, time out with friends. Keep TV watching (by you) in control and monitor the noise level. Learn to negotiate with your child about the above issues.

What parents can do to help children study well: Plan your own social activities judiciously. Avoid inviting guests and relatives to stay over during this time. Keep the social environment of the house normal. Keep your personal life normal - don’t keep it on hold because your child’s exams are approaching.

Don’t buy new gizmos in the house at the What parents can do to help children study well: Try to give minimum advice to your child. Have conversations with your child besides study. Treat them occasionally if they are doing well in their studies and exams. Provide emotional cushioning for your child. Don’t buy new gizmos in the house at the time of the exam.

What parents do that hinders the child’s study: Blocking out all recreation for the child. Making the child feel that exams are the most important and only thing in the world. Talking about previous failures or results. Comparing the child with others. Nagging.

What parents do that hinders the child’s study: Displacing your anxiety on the child. Mixing academic issues with family conflicts. Saying ‘STOP DOING THAT’ when the child is in the middle of doing something. If, for example, they are watching TV or are on the phone, give them some time to finish and then stop. ‘Switch off the TV within 5 minutes.’

Helping your child manage & creating a supportive environment Small meals at regular intervals is a good idea; This keeps the stomach busy and brain working. If in the habit of drinking tea or coffee, keep it to a minimum - 1 or 2 cups a day. Avoid any kind of ‘Energy drink’. To be free from any kind of infection or viruses, try and avoid outside food at all times. Even with an upset stomach, your child loses 2-3 days.

RECREATION A regular fixed time for recreation helps a lot. It saves time if others know when your child takes a break so they can plan their calls and visits during that time. There will be festivals and celebrations during this one year. Enjoy and participate, but remember to remind your child that regular study is essential. Ensure that your child is sleeping well for about 7-8 hours, especially on the night before the test.

RECREATION When your child is taking a break, let him/her go outdoors and get fresh air. While studying, after every 3-5 hours, if children lie down and put their legs up for some time, it helps the blood flow to the brain, and they feel fresh as the brain is rejuvenated.

What about you? Are you stressed?

SIGNS OF STRESS IN PARENTS Sleep disturbance. Losing temper often. Not being able to concentrate on work. Constantly checking with other parents. Constantly checking on child. Panicking. Developing health concerns.

SIGNS OF STRESS IN PARENTS Everybody’s life (in the family) revolves around the child who is taking the exam. Number of conflicts increase around and about the child. Family relationships are getting affected. Excessive leave-taking from work. Becoming excessively religious.

What parents can do to manage their own anxiety Family-time once a day, which is fun time. Using humour is a good idea to relieve stress. To be aware that however your child has done in 9th std, it will be better in the 10th. Take care of your health – eating, sleeping, relaxing etc.

What parents can do to manage their own anxiety Set realistic goals according to your child’s ability. Attend all school meetings - you will get updated with what is happening and what is expected of you and your child. Trust the school for what they are doing and saying. (They are in this business for a very long time; experience counts).

What parents can do to manage their own anxiety Learn to let go of things. To realize that whatever the outcome is, it is manageable. Talk to the teacher/counsellor if you are not able to manage the anxiety. Talk to a friend / relative.

Let your child know that… He/she is loved. Board exams are an important phase in a student’s career, but it is a phase and not a career in itself. It is the beginning of the road, not the end of it. Let your child know that… He/she is loved. You believe in his/her ability. You care more about them than their marks. You are the strongest pillar in his/her life, and that s/he can win in every exam of life because you stand by him/her.

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