Engaging Challenging Parents: Tools for Teachers SARA STEPHENSON SARAH SPANNAGEL MICHELLE BEDERMAN

Welcome Sara Stephenson Sarah Spannagel, PhD Michelle Bederman Director of Enrollment Management, University School Sarah Spannagel, PhD Consulting Psychologist, University School Michelle Bederman Admission Intern, University School Student, Emory University Class of 2018 Tell humorous story Why are we here Skit – it never goes this way

Framing Today’s Workshop Needs and Necessities The 4 Truths Ground Rules Takeaways

Why Is This Hard? Do we find this part of our work challenging? If so, why? How do the “ouch” moments make us feel? How would we rate our own ability to handle conflict? Do we handle conflict differently in our out-of-school lives? Or similarly? Do we feel confident in these situations? If not, why not?

Check your assumptions Why can it be hard to see the concerned parent behind the angry parent? What else do we perhaps assume about parents who rub us the wrong way? What do we know that is positive, either consistently or intermittently, with this parent? How does it feel to talk to others (colleagues, administrators) about that parent?

What are our crazy spots? What are our strengths in conflict situations? How might someone close to us (personally or professionally) describe our strengths? How can we recognize our own challenges and strengthen them?

Let’s prepare How do we prepare for these conversations? What are ways we can ensure we are being heard? That the parent is being heard? Preparation is a part of the resolution

In the moment What parameters are appropriate? What is reasonable? What does collaborative language (body and verbal) look like in us? In others? What language sounds defensive? How can we ensure that we are showing a parent that we are listening, validating and joining, even over the phone?

Joining What language shows a parent that they have been heard? How can we ensure that our point is not neglected in the conversation? How can we share our own reflection of our part in a situation? How can we invite the parent to fully share their concerns, without becoming anxious that the conversation may derail?

Uh-oh! How can we avoid a derailment of the conversation in the early stages? What can get it back on track? How can we gracefully reschedule or agree to share more information without implying lack of resolution? What comes next after an “uh-oh” conversation? Is it the end of the chance for resolution?

Before The Conversation Check your assumptions; control your imagination. Look closer; look deeper; seek the positives. Own your challenges; admit your capacity for defensiveness. Make notes. Practice the conversation. Picture a positive outcome. BE PROACTIVE; make the first contact.

During The Conversation Make an opening collaborative statement. Establish a contact boundary. Create and project an expectation of collaboration. Seek and establish common ground. LISTEN; VALIDATE; JOIN. Acknowledge your role; admit your challenges.

Think about this…. Scenario #1 Scenario #2 Scenario #3 Scenario #4 You’ve been working with mom on a poor grade performance in a class. Suddenly dad shows up at school at dismissal and demands a meeting. He seems angry. Kindergartener can’t keep his hands to himself. Other parents are starting to complain and threaten to withdraw their kids. Mum and dad are prominent alumni community members. You call them in for a meeting and they act astonished to hear the news. What comes next after an “uh-oh” conversation? Is it the end of the chance for resolution? A student has been caught plagiarizing twice in a trimester. You have concerns that a learning issue is forcing the student to cut corners with assessments. You invite parents in to discuss. Parents have extremely high academic expectations of their child. Older sibling have been A+ students. Student reports ongoing bullying by another student at school to parents. At school no evidence is found or witnessed. Parents show up at school without warning and demand an audience and immediate action to protect their child’s safety.

After The Conversation Reflect, alone and with others. Follow up to reinforce collaboration. LEARN; REMEMBER; REUSE.

Reflection How can we share our own reflection of our part in a situation? Can we identify areas where we felt challenged or disappointed, without feeling afraid of exposure? How can we word our reflection in order to invite partnership from the parent? Who could we discuss this reflection with in advance of the conversation? Afterwards?

Please rate our session in the NAIS Events Mobile App Rate This Session Please rate our session in the NAIS Events Mobile App Go to the workshop listing and click on the Clipboard icon to the left of the event description to provide valuable feedback on this workshop