The Art of Listening Kelly Krug, Hilda Pierorazio, Coordinator, Climate for Learning and Working Hilda Pierorazio, Coordinator, Leadership Development Hilda

The Art of Listening Hilda The art of listening is critical to successful relationships. Much of the conflict in our lives can be explained by a simple fact: People don’t really listen to each other It hurts not to be listened to and Overtime, lack of listening impoverishes Our most important relationships Our hearts experience the failure to be heard as An absence of concern….

Hilda As the Chinese character for listening illustrates, Listening is a complex skill At its core, listening shows we care. It is a powerful tool for establishing and Building the trust and rapport Essential for any successful relationship.

Let’s practice Hilda

Listening Activity Find a person who you do not know Determine who will be the speaker and who the listener The speaker will tell the listener Their Name Where they were born What they like to do in their spare time and why it is important to them Only the speaker talks – the listener listens… Hilda

Listening Activity – Switch Roles The speaker will tell the listener Their Name Where they were born What they like to do in their spare time and why it is important to them Only the speaker talks – the listener listens Hilda

How did it feel? Why? Hilda A good listener is a witness Not a judge of your experience Good conversations ( for example with a good friend) Safe enough to talk about what matters Concerned enough to listen Honest enough to tell the truth – when asked for advise Tactful enough to know when not to …

Activity: How well did you listen???? Find another duo to form a foursome Introduce your partner to the new group Summarize the conversation you had with your original partner Hilda

“I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, But I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.” Robert McCloskey Hilda Listening is so basic that we take it for granted But unfortunately most of us think of Ourselves as better listeners than we really are

Listening gone wrong… Kelly

Listening gone right… Kelly “Bringing Down The House”

Blocks to understanding Personal Referencing or autobiographical that happened to me… Personal Curiosity or inquisitive listening Really? What happened … Personal Certainty or solution listening here’s what I did when that happened to me… Kelly and Hilda

So what is active listening. What does it feel like So what is active listening? What does it feel like? What does it sound like? A student perspective… Kelly https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WER63AY8zB8

Activity: Do you hear what I hear? Listen carefully as a list is read to you… When we say go you have one minute to write as many words as you can recall on a sheet of paper How did you do? Kelly List-less List about 18 related words, pick any topic, for example, sleep, mattress, pillow, snore etc. pick one word to be intermingled in the list three times, such as, the 3rd, 7th, and 12th word will be “sleep.” Leave out one obvious word from the list such as “bed.”  Ask attendees to listen as you read the list to them. Give them one minute to write as many words as they can remember that you said. Debrief: Usually 60% will remember the first word, 75% will get the last word on your list, 80% will remember the word that was repeated three times and 20% will write down the obvious word you never said. Why does this happen? What can we learn from this? Sleep Dream Sheets Pillow Headboard Yawn Warm Covers Comforter Duvet Mattress Light Soft Pillow case Teddy Bear Box spring How many people wrote down BED?? Did I say bed? (how much of what we hear is not actually said but we ASSUME it was said because it matches with our perceptions? So we hear what we want to hear? How many wrote down teddy bear? How many ppl remembered that because it matches your own experiences or is relevant to your own life? Maybe part of active listening is FULL SOUL listening where we try to hear things we don’t already know or things that don’t match our perceptions or realities.

Kelly What is the easiset? What is the hardest?

What were some of the things you may have noticed about your own listening patterns? Kelly Given advice Criticism/judging Empathic comments that close off conversation/open the conversation Talking about yourself

How will you listen differently? Hilda

“Our conversations invent us. Through our speech and our silence, we become smaller or larger selves. Through our speech and our silence, we diminish or enhance the other person, and we narrow or expand the possibilities between us. How we use our voice determines the quality of our relationships, who we are in the world, and what the world can be and might become. Clearly, a lot is at stake here.” Harriet Lerner Hilda