Good Listening & Active Constructive Responding Lesson: Good Listening & Active Constructive Responding (ACR) Method: Informal Lecture Time: 30 minutes (Lecture); 15 minutes (Activity) References: Gable, EL., Reis, HT. Impett, EA., & Asher, ER . (2004), Capitalizing on daily positive events, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 87, 197-212. Gable, SL, Reis, HT, Impet, EA, & Asher, ER (2004). What do you do when things go right: The intrapersonal and interpersonal benefits of sharing positive events. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 87, 228-245. Cacioppo, J. T., Reis, H. T., & Zautra, A. J. (2011). Social resilience: The value of social fitness with an application to the military. American Psychologist, 66, 43–51. Aids/Handouts: 1. PowerPoint Presentation 2. RTA/FTAC Participant Guide   Lesson Strategy: This lesson will be delivered through a combination of instruction, discussion, and application activities. The instruction portion will be used to teach new material or clarify material previously known by the students. Discussions will be used to draw out past experiences of the students and allow for an exchange of ideas to reach understanding. Finally, activities will be used to assess student understanding and allow for opportunities to use the learned skill.

Overview Goal/When Core Content Good Listening ACR Lessons Learned Student Activity Skill Review MRT Instructions: Provide a brief preview of the main points for this lesson. Try not to read each item as if you’re reading a laundry list. Ask the participants if they have any question so far, then proceed to the next slide.

Goal/When When Goal To build, strengthen and maintain relationships To build a foundation for times when someone needs support When Someone shares good news MRT Instructions: MP 1: Goal/When Goal: The goal of Good Listening and Active Constructive Responding is to build, strengthen, and maintain relationships. These listening skills can also help you build a foundation so someone feels comfortable and safe talking to you—when things are going well or when they need support. When: Someone shares news TRANSITION: [insert your transition here]

Core Content Good Listening A Attend with Genuine Interest B Be Responsive C Care About the Other Person D Don’t Interrupt E Encourage the Person to Say More MRT Instructions: MP 2: Core Content, Good Listening Note: ** Brief familiarization of Good Listening techniques. Do not spend excessive time on this main point. While covering the ABCDE’s, ensure your students understand that good listening techniques should be used when someone shares either good or bad news. Actively listening when someone shares news enhances the connectedness in the relationship allowing for openness and creates a safe environment for both people to communicate. Attend with Genuine Interest: Of course we all know that good communication begins with listening, but listening alone is not good enough. Too often we find ourselves “listening” to our son or daughter tell us about their day at school as we watch the evening news, or “listening” to a friend vent about their problems at work while we’re really thinking about what to eat for dinner. One important aspect to attending with interest is focus. An active listener is totally focused on what the speaker is saying. As the conversation progresses, the active listener will carefully analyze and digest what they are hearing. Be Responsive: As Airmen, we are trained to solve problems, and so that is often our initial instinct but it is important to remember that sometime listening and understanding are more important than solving. Asking what type of support they need and want shows genuine interest and is responsive to the person. Care About the Other Person: Just remember that even though you may not care much about the topic, you do care about the person. Don’t Interrupt: When you interrupt someone, or finish his or her sentence, you have to keep track not only of your own thoughts but of those of the person you are interrupting as well. Interrupting can also send the message to the other person that ou don’t care what they have to say. Remind yourself (before a conversation begins, if possible) to be patient and wait. Encourage the Person to Say More: Asking open-ended questions such as “tell me about”, “how did it make you feel?” or “what did you do this weekend?”. When you ask open ended questions and encourage the other person to say more, you open opportunities for deeper perspective to how they feel. TRANSITION: [insert your transition here] Cacioppo, Reis, & Zautra, (2011)

Constructive Responding Destructive Responding Core Content ACR Constructive Responding Destructive Responding Active Responding Enthusiastic support; Authentic; ask for information Focusing on negatives or downsides Passive Quiet, understated support; distracted Ignoring the event; Shifting focus to self or other topic MRT Instructions: MP 2: Core Content, ACR In addition to showing you care by good listening, the way you respond to someone is a critical way to build relationships. We are often supportive to our friends and family members when they need our support in times of stress. But how you respond to good news also matters for relationships. Using Active Constructive Responding strengthens the relationship. The news that someone shares does not have to be large or life changing but it can be the small day-to-day achievements we experience. There are 4 main ways we can respond when someone shares positive news with us, and they vary on two domains: active or passive, and constructive or destructive A passive–constructive response is one in which the responder says very little or is silent about the event. This may not be intentional, but our minimal support can sound like we don’t care very much. We don’t ask questions about the event or elaborate on what it means for the other person. The person can be distracted, or only half listening to the news. Our child tells us they got a good grade on a test, and we respond “That’s nice.” A passive–destructive response is one in which the disclosure of the event is minimally acknowledged, if at all. The responder may shift the focus of the event to themselves or change the subject to discuss something completely different. The person highjacks the conversation to focus on themselves. Someone tells us they are going on vacation and we say “I just got back from a great holiday…let me show you the pictures.” An active–destructive response is one in which the responder is attentive and involved, but the feedback is negative--squashing any positive emotions. This is often done by pointing out negative aspects of the event, or making the event sound less exciting or good. Someone shares the news “I just got a new job” and the person squashes the moment by saying “Won’t that lead to a lot more work?” An active–constructive response (ACR) is one in which the responder expresses involvement, excitement, or enthusiasm about the positive event. This is often accomplished by asking questions about the event, seeking additional details about the event, elaborating on the possible implications and benefits of the event for the discloser, and commenting on why the event is meaningful to the discloser in particular. By showing genuine interest and enthusiasm for the other person’s news, only ACR is associated with positive outcomes and strengthening relationships. TRANSITION: [insert your transition here]

Core Content Keys to ACR Ask questions versus cheerleading Be yourself Conversation A and B Watch your non-verbals Dangerous News MRT Instructions: MP 2: Core Content: Lessons of ACR Ask questions versus cheerleading. No one likes fake enthusiasm. When responding to someone’s good news, be genuine and authentic and if you are unsure, ask questions. Asking questions will get the other person to open up and share more details and provide more opportunities for you to understand them. Be yourself! When someone shares news with you, it is because a relationship has been formed which allows for them to feel comfortable sharing personal information. Don’t change or be someone different when they share their good news with you. Be yourself and allow the relationship to build naturally from genuine and authentic interaction. If you have concerns (but are still able to share in the good news), consider a separate conversation to discuss further details. For example, if your Airman comes in and announces they recently purchased a motorcycle over the weekend. It is natural to have concerns for their safety and well-being. In the moment of their joy, be in engaged, show authenticity and excitement for their purchase (conversation A) then set aside time later to discuss your concerns (conversation B). Be mindful of your non verbal usage during a moment when you apply ACR. While you may not realize it, your body language speaks louder than anything you say verbally. If someone shares news that is dangerous or has the potential to harm themselves or others, don’t use ACR. Express your concerns appropriately. TRANSITION: [insert your transition here] Gable, S. L., Reis, H. T., Impett, E., & Asher, E. R. (2004)

Student Activity 1. Recall a recent time someone shared good news with you 2. Record the response style you used 3. Discuss this with your partner MRT Instructions: MP 3: Student Activity Instructor Notes: Build ample time into the lesson to allow students the opportunity to recall a recent time when someone they have a relationship with shared good news with them and identify the way they responded. Think back to a recent time (2 week or less) when someone shared good news, what strategies did you use? ABCDE’s? What response style did you use? Example- Spouse gets assigned a new job at work. Response- How many more hours does that mean you will be at work? Debrief: Ask around the room to see if anyone would like to share What challenges does this skill present? Sometimes we forget to use ACR with those we are closest to, such as our family members. Or, you may find that you use ACR at work, but not at home (or vice versa). Did anyone notice a pattern in the type of responding they use?

Good Listening & Active Constructive Responding Skill Review Good Listening & Active Constructive Responding Goal To build, strengthen and maintain relationships When When someone shares good news How Ask questions and show enthusiasm Constructive Destructive Active Shows authentic interest & support, ask questions Focuses on negative aspects Passive Distracted or understated support “One-upping” distracts from the news

Good Listening & Active Constructive Responding