EFFECTS OF HOMOPHOBIA: Parents

Video Mary Lou Wallner; For the Bible Tells Me So. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ycbHnPhw8VQ&feature=youtu.be Share your feelings and discuss the extracts in pairs – 5 minutes each.

PARENTS RESPONSES Total acceptance, find out more information, join FFLAG, provide support and understanding, challenge societal homophobia. Total rejection, thrown out, never speak to them ever again. Initial shock, create a scene and threaten their child not to tell anyone else; eventually come round to some level of tolerance; however, they never talk about the ‘issue’ again. Some purposefully denigrate homosexuality in the hope that this will stop their child being gay. Some go to great lengths to stop their children meeting other gay young people. Some go to extreme lengths to try and change their child, which is impossible.

GALYIC NAT (80) FINDINGS 62% out to both parents/carers 22% not out to both of their parents 16% out to one parent/carer

FATHER’S RESPONSE 62% out to their fathers 61% fully accepted 19% refused to accept 19% half accepted and half refused to accept them

POSITIVE “Fine” “Not bother him” “He accepts that I am what I am” “Jokes about it” “Always said got one of each, a son, a daughter and one in-between”

“Let mum explain but now fine” MIXED “Quiet to begin with” “Now ok” “Don't think he's that bothered but disappointed family name not continue” “Let mum explain but now fine”

“Doesn't take any interest” “Unhappy about it” NEGATIVE “It's wrong; I'm his youngest daughter - he doesn't want to think of me in that way” “Doesn't take any interest” “Unhappy about it” “Probably finds me disappointment” “Disown me” “Doesn't like it overt but doesn't make an issue of it” “Pretends it doesn't happen” “Take it badly” “Don't think he'd like it. Step dad” “Because I'm gay, he says that he wishes that I was never born”

MOTHER’S RESPONSE 76% out to their mothers 47% fully accepted 21% refused to accept them 32% half accepted and half refused to accept

POSITIVE “Cool from start” “Fine, doesn't mind, not one of the important things” “Wouldn't care as long as happy” “Supports me, worries it might single me out” “Think she's always known” “She's very supportive and is not bothered that I'm gay” “Fine, it's who you are, still love you, not going to change” “She's proud I'm happy with myself and meeting friends”

MIXED “Shocked at first but as long as I'm happy she's okay” “Accepts but hard to get head round it sometimes” “At first refused, wants gran kids. Ok now. Getting used to it - knowing I'm still me” “Indifferent” “She seems to be ok with it, but sometimes doesn't talk about it” “She's fine with it as long as its not in the public eye. Accepts my partner” “Love me no matter what, but I think she always imagined I'd marry my boyhood girlfriend” “Now don't think it makes any difference to her, at all” “Shocked at first but not throw me out”

Negative 1 “Not like me being gay but I'm her daughter. Not like me talking about anything to do with gays” “Rather I wasn't but not force me to change like she tried to at first” “Not even want to think about it” “Homophobic” “Unhappy about it” “Gender homophobic” “If you are born that way it's mine and your dad's fault”

Negative 2 “Ignore it and hope it will go away” “Thinks it's a phase and I'll grow out of it” “She won't like it” “She doesn't really accept it” “Ok with it, but doesn't want others to know” “Ok with everyone else being gay, except me” “At times supportive, but sometimes has reservations” “She would like me to meet a girl, so that she would have grandchildren”

2011: Abuse growing up 1 sexually abused (father). Not officially reported. Had counselling. 2 physically abused (fathers) not related not reported. 5 emotional abuse: 1 restriction of movement within the family 4 patterns of belittling, denigrating, name-calling

Abuse continued 4 scape-goating 4 threatened 5 intimidated 4 frightened 2 discriminated 4 ridiculed 4 constant criticism 3 rejection 4 love, support and guidance being withheld

Abuse continued The abuse was carried out by their mother (3), father (2), sibling (2). For 3 of the members, abuse still happening, one said it happened a year ago, another 5 or more years ago. 3 said the abuse was related to their sexual orientation. None of them reported the abuse. 1 had had counselling about it.

Paula’s Story Video (7 mins) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oc-j5Z44t08&feature=youtu.be Same foster mother as Julie! Discuss in pairs – about 5 minutes each.

UK: current

2006 (USA)

2006 USA: LGBTQ youth in the foster care system NCLR C.5-10% in Foster care LGBTQ Likely higher because of discrimination in school and families Of these, 78% further harassment in out of home setting 26% LGBTQ in one study forced to leave their family home

In foster care LGBTQ youth often neglected, discriminated against by peers and staff Inadequate policies/protections, support services, insensitive staff Few facilities have policies which ban discrimination against LGBTQ y.p. Few provide staff training on how to create safe and welcoming environments LGBTQ youth face verbal, physical and sexual abuse because of status

In foster care 100% of LGBTQ youth in New York group homes verbally harassed 70% physically harassed, by peers, staff and social workers. 78% removed/ran away from placements due to hostility 56% felt safer living on streets Response: move to another placement LGBTQ youth punished for age-appropriate relationships opp sex y.p. not punished.

Video Foster Care’s Invisible Youth You Tube (27 minutes) – introduction https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nuSikwpqazA

2013 (USA)

How to support LGBTQ In groups, flip chart – how can you support LGBTQ young people in out of care home?

How to suppory LGBTQ Make it clear slurs or jokes based on gender, gender identity, or sexual orientation are not tolerated in your house. Express your disapproval of these types of jokes or slurs when you encounter them within the community or media.

Cont… Display ‘hate-free zone’ signs or other symbols indicating an LGBTQ-friendly environment (pink triangle, rainbow flag). Use gender-neutral language when asking about relationships. e.g. instead of ‘do you have a girlfriend?’ ask ‘Is there anyone special in your life?’

Cont… Celebrate diversity in all forms. Provide access to a variety of books, movies, and materials – including those that positively represent same-sex relationships. Point out LGBTQ celebrities, role models who stand up for the LGBTQ community, and people who demonstrate bravery in the face of social stigma.

Cont… Let youth in your care know that you are willing to listen and talk about anything. Support your youth’s self-expression through choices of clothing, jewelry, hairstyle, friends, and room decoration. Educate yourself about LGBTQ history, issues, and resources.

Cont… Insist that other family members include and respect all youth in your home. Allow youth to participate in activities that interest them, regardless of whether these activities are stereotypically male or female.

If young person in your care comes out In small groups, flip chart – how would you respond if a young person comes out in your group? Feedback

If young person in your care comes out Respond in an affirming, supportive way. Understand the way people identify sex. or. or gender identity may change over time. Use the name and pronoun (he/she) your youth prefers. (If unclear ask how they prefer to be addressed).

Cont… Respect their privacy. Allow them to decide when to come out and to whom. Avoid double standards: allow them to discus feelings of attraction and engage in age-appropriate romantic relationships, just as you would a heterosexual youth.

Cont… Welcome their friends or partner at family get-togethers. Connect them with LGBTQ organisations, resources, events. Consider seeking an LGBTQ adult role model for your youth, if possible.

Cont… Reach out for education, resources, and support if you feel the need to deepen your understanding of LGBTQ youth experiences. Stand up for them when they are mistreated.

More information Supporting your LGBTQ Youth: A Guide for Foster Parents, Child Welfare Information Gateway. LGBTQ Youth in the Foster Care System, National Centre for Lesbian Rights. Foster Care’s Invisible Youth (You Tube)

Upstream http://www.galyic.org.uk/support/parents.html http://www.leadwithlovefilm.com/watch/trailer/