Whitener 9th Grade Writing/Composition Standard ELACC9W1,2,3 Issues in Writing Whitener 9th Grade Writing/Composition Standard ELACC9W1,2,3

Issue #1 – Where is the hook? Example 2: Better to lead the reader into your thesis. “Dear committee, Many schools in the area are considering requiring mandatory reading over the summer break. First of all, how would you feel if this was your vacation that was being taken away? How unfair does that sound? It is difficult enough for students to study and read for 10 months out of the year at school as it is, let’s not forget the stress that comes that kind of work-load. THESIS….” This hook “leads” the reader to the thesis Example 1: Hook? “Dear committee, Summer reading should be voluntary. Students have a lot to do in the summer. Students have to work, they want to have fun, and many go on vacation to see family.” This is a thesis, not a hook! Thesis is LAST!

Issue #2 – transitions Example 1: No transitions? “Students need a break from stress. They want to have fun and socialize with friends. It is terribly unhealthy for them to constantly read all the time. Their vision could become blurry and their eyesight poor. This would be terrible! Please reconsider summer reading.” Example 2: Clearly show us your beginning and ending. “For instance, students benefit from the break from stress that summer provides. It is proven that stress can cause numerous health issues, from insomnia to hypertension. Would you want to be the cause of students being at risk? …..

Issue #3 – Evidence Example 1: Why? Prove it! “Students need a break from stress. They want to have fun with friends. It is terrible for them to constantly read all the time. Their vision could be affected badly. This would be awful! Please reconsider summer reading.” Ugh…really? 

Issue #4 – Reasons Example 1: Really? Are you sure? “Students need a break from stress. They want to have fun and socialize with friends. It is terribly unhealthy for them to constantly read all the time. Their vision could be badly affected. Please reconsider summer reading.” Reason is okay, but not explained. 

Issue #5 – Thoughtlessness Example 1: Did you even think this through??? “In conclusion, I copy/pasted my thesis statement here. Don’t you agree with me? I hope you reconsider making students read during the summer. Sincerely, Name”

Issue #6 – repetitive, repetitive, repetitive, repetitive Example 1: STOP IT!!! “Summer reading should not be allowed because reading is not necessary all the time. Reading during summer is unfair and keeps students from getting jobs. When we have to read all summer, reading becomes boring and it makes the summer go by so slowly.”

Issue #8 – Tangents. Example: Umm…okay. “Summer reading is a terrible thing. Its like when you go to the movies and the movie is too long and you have to sit there. I think summer reading has some good things, but the movies are better. Movies would be a great way to learn. There is a new movie that would teach lots of lessons in it. It has Jennifer Aniston and she plays the best characters, so we could learn a lot from her. “So, instead of reading movies are so much better. It would be really great to watch movies most of the summer, it would be relaxing and really a lot of fun……..”

Issue #8 – RUN-Ons Example: IT’S NOT A PARAGRAPH!! “Summer reading should not be required because it is not fun for students, because it will make us not want to read ever again and even thought we may want to do a good job in school we will not be able to because we are too tired from reading. Then, if we do read during the summer we forget everything by the time school is back in session and we fall behind in class having to re-read everything. This has two RUN-ON sentences…it is not a paragraph. 2

Final drafts

Final drafts: MUST BE IN blue/black ink!!!!

Any questions??