Changing Gears.

WHAT DO MEN LONG FOR, AGONISE OVER, ASPIRE TO? WHY IS IT MEN ARE OFTEN SILENT IN DARK AND DANGEROUS, OR DIFFICULT SITUATIONS? WHY DO SO MANY MEN FIND IT HARD TO EXPRESS HOW MUCH THEY CARE? WHAT DO THEY LOOK FOR IN WOMEN? WHAT DO THEY WANT FROM COMMITTED RELATIONSHIPS, FROM FRIENDSHIPS? WHAT MOTIVATES THEM? WHAT DO THEY WORRY ABOUT? HOW DO THEY SEE THEIR BODIES, THEIR WORLD? WHAT IS LIFE LIKE FOR THEM AS THEY AGE? WHY DO SO MANY RESORT TO SUICIDE? EVERY DAY WE READ ARTICLES ABOUT MEN - MEN AT HOME, MEN AT WORK, MEN IN BED - BUT STILL THE CONFUSION AND FRUSTRATION BETWEEN THE SEXES REMAIN. CAN WE PUT THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN DOWN TO THE INFLUENCE OF VENUS AND MARS, OR ARE THERE MORE INTRICATE DYNAMICS AT PLAY? MAGGIE HAMILTON-WHAT MEN WONT TALK ABOUT

Incompetent Lazy Aggressive Unfeeling Un-necessary Unfit Uncaring Silent Sex mad ?

*Independence *social support and social interaction *Family *Good or well managed health *Physical mobility and strength *Life skills including in house skills *Warm home *Control over their own lives especially after death of partner when life can feel out of control *Female companionship *(Age concern UK. 2006)

Fears in the heart of a man. Fear of alone-ness. Fear of loveless-ness. Fear of being useless.

Understand the mans internal frame of reference Problem-solver may want information to make an informed decision rather than understanding Males may not be able to identify / articulate feelings Use gender appropriate, non-deficit language Recognize male preference for side- by-side relationships rather than face-to- face Understand that anger may be a defensive response

Work Home leisure Family Hobbies /mates etc ?

Someones idea of what a womans brain looks like

Differences…. A woman will talk out her troubles before she knows what she wants to talk about! A man will withdraw and internalize his stuff and stew in his shed! A woman will take events out there and internalize the blame. A man will put the blame on to others out there, especially loved ones, because he struggles to know how to process the internal stuff.

BEHAVIOURAL Finalising affairs Organising a will Unexplained crying Withdrawal Quitting activities that used to be important Giving away prized possessions Over or uncharacteristic use of drugs or alcohol Lack of interest in future Uncharacteristic risk taking or recklessness (eg. driving recklessly) PHYSICAL SIGNS Loss of interest in personal hygiene or appearance Loss of physical energy Sudden & extreme changes in eating habits; loss or gain Major changes to sleeping patterns (too much or too little) Loss of interest in sex Loss of interest. Full stop. Increase in minor illnesses Withdrawing Talking in ending terms… ah well, it wont be forever; it will not be a problem for much longer….etc After death of partner

Thank you!