DEVELOPING RESILIENCY SKILLS TO MANAGE EMOTIONS Kevin Harrington, PhD www.kevinharringtonphd.com

Joy “Surely joy is the condition of life.” -Thoreau

Resilience Keeping the container full.

LIFE OF A TEENAGER Stress at home, school and peers Depression and anxiety increasing at an alarming rate Increase in suicide Sleep, nutrition, exercise Social Media Socially isolated Monkey brain

What Erodes Resilience? Body Imbalance and Toxicity Monkey Brain Not feeling connected to others

Skills You Need Before You Go Developing self-care skills Developing non-critical view of self(compassion for self) Ability to delay gratification Ability to self calm-self soothe Cognitive flexibility Problem solving skills Comfortable with failure Internal locus of control Develop your dream Mind-Body Heart Balance

What your teen needs from you before leaving Building their ship Validating their ship anointing your teen Managing our anxiety Did I do a good job? Letting your teen struggle to develop internal resources Helping your teen be comfortable with their full range of emotions Nurturing their independence

MIND-BODY-HEART BALANCE Heart emotions MIND

BRAIN BASICS Back of brain-Reptilian Alert Flight/Flight/Freeze Middle –Limbic system Emotional Hub High Front- Judgment, planning, natural intelligence (Continues to develop until 25) Memory Plasticity of the brain Developing new brain pathways

MOVING TO THE FRONT OF THE BRAIN Calming the Body Nutrition, sleep, exercise BREATHE- BREATHE- BREATHE Calming the Thoughts Discrimination skill “Turning off false alarms” “How big of deal is it?” Calming the Emotions Triggering feelings of calm, competence, mastery ”You have what it takes”  Calming the Spirit

PHYSICAL BALANCE Nutrition Sleep Exercise Physical stamina Energy level Physical complaints

BRAIN BALANCE Internal conversations about self and others Internal critic Discrimination Skills- How big of deal is it? Turning off false alarms. Cognitive flexibility- thinking outside the box, ability to focus, problem solving Making a plan. Positive expectancy Internal locus of control

EMOTIONAL BALANCE Self acceptance I am competent. I have what it takes. Treat self with kindness Forgiveness and Empathy Gratitude and appreciation Feeling I matter, I am delighted in, I am chosen, I am cherished Feeling connected-part of the group.

Triggers that set off your alarm Your 3 biggest triggers Your teens 3 biggest triggers Signs you have been triggered- physical-mental –emotional Signs your teen is triggered

ADDING PAUSE THROUGHOUT THE DAY Breathing throughout the day. Mini-breaks Setting an intention for the day. Declaring what you want to grow Pairing breathing with reviewing plan Images associated with feelings you want to grow Reinforcing your competence

Helping Your Teenager Learn to Pause You pausing before each transition and discussion Asking to talk in 5 minutes when asked a question Taking a break anytime anyone is over a 3 Are you sure you want to do that? (refusal) Being clear about what is open for discussion Stating what you want to happen with your teenager

Pause Ways you can pause Ways to help your teen pause Ways you can help your parent pause

Emotional balance Emotional tsunamis Emotional regulation Interrupting the storm Being able to tolerate unpleasant emotions Triggering positive emotions What you focus on is what you grow TWO WOLVES Learning to take a different path AUTO BIOGRAPHY

The Two Wolves

WHEN TO Help/When to Back Away What happens if I help too much? What happens if I don’t help enough? Managing your anxiety How to give the message “You have what it takes” Identifying push back as anxiety How to help your teen learn to manage their anxiety

DEVELOPING CONNECTIONS Self- Compassion for self, non-judgmental view of self, self-reflection, self correction Family- siblings, parents, extended family MANDATORY FUN Peers- friends, classmates, neighbors, teammates Community- neighborhood, city, country, world, universe

TECHNOLOGY When is technology helpful? When does it drain resiliency? HELPFUL APPS

Developing New Brain Pathways 51% Rule Develop a practice Mindfulness Quieting monkey brain Developing feelings of gratitude Developing feelings of connection Logistics Set yourself up for success One minute meditation

MOVEMENT Add movement to your day Triggering the relaxation response Changes the energy Running, yoga, walking Homework time

TAKEAWAYS Mind-Body Heart Balance Turning off false alarms Adding pause and movement to your day Developing a non critical view of yourself Developing connections

TAKEAWAYS/PARENTS Same as teens Give the message “You have what it takes” by standing back when appropriate Developing a ritual for time together

Contact Info Kevin Harrington, PhD www.kevinharringtonphd.com 612-766-9255