Essay Revision Part 1 - Clarity

Step 1- Lower word count Count the number of words – write the number at the top right corner of the paper. You must reduce your word count by 10% Figure out what 10% of your number is and write your target word count below the original number. Figure out how many words you need to cut out. Only cut out unnecessary words or find a different way to say something.

Step 1 – example Word count: 220 words Target count: 198 (220-22) Find common phrases that may be in your writing. Some examples: due to the fact that despite the fact that It is stated by the author that This is the reason why The text of the story

Suggestions due to the fact that Since, because although despite the fact that It is stated by the author that This is the reason why The text of the story Since, because although The author says This is why, because The text

Step 2 – analyze diction Upgrade your vocabulary by replacing boring words with better adjectives Look for words such as: Thing Very Bad Good Says Big

Step 3 – organizing ideas/Syntax Create a “Reverse outline” of your essay. Use only what you have written, not what you wish you had written. Create bullet points based on the general concepts For example: Introduction Attention grabber – Thesis – First paragraph Topic Sentence

Reverse outline Once you finish, compare with the proposed outline and see what you are missing. In your outline, make notes to determine what you are missing or need to correct.

Syntax Identify the sentence types you use in your essay. Simple - A simple sentence, also called an independent clause, contains a subject and a verb, and it expresses a complete thought Alicia goes to the library and studies every day. Compound - A compound sentence contains two independent clauses joined by a coordinator (FANBOYS). Alejandro played football, so Maria went shopping. Complex - A complex sentence has an independent clause joined by one or more dependent clauses. When he handed in his homework, he forgot to give the teacher the last page.

More syntax You will identify your sentences by color-coding them. Choose three colors and underline each type of sentence in a certain color. After you finish, you can see if the sentence types are balanced or if you need more of one kind or fewer of another kind of sentence. If you need to rewrite or combine sentences to achieve balance, do so.

Step 4 – Revisiting your thesis Before you rewrite your final draft, revisit your thesis to make sure it answers the prompt. Draw an arrow to the left and right of your thesis statement so that it is clearly identified.

The prompt Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below. What determines success in life is not intelligence or talent, but character: those qualities gained both from living in an honorable and straightforward manner and from learning to deal with disappointment and hardship. Without character, an individual has no hope of true success. Even when competing against opponents of considerable intelligence or strength, those individuals who possess strong character will ultimately win. Assignment: Does a person’s character determine that person’s success in life? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.

Comparison If your thesis does not directly and clearly answer the prompt, you need to revise it and make sure it matches. If you revise your thesis, make sure that the rest of the essay reflects those changes.