The Joy of Parenting a Senior Senior Year Words of welcome Survey questions: show of hands is this your first time coaching a senior? The Joy of Parenting a Senior

Objectives To identify the senior year dynamics To become aware of helpful resources To answer your questions

Nuts and Bolts What do I need? Where do I start? Who What Where When Change Agents What Process / Paperwork Where When Timelines How Online Paper Why Career / Major Transcripts Transcript Request Forms Recommendation Letters Self Assessment Applications Common App Send Edu Early Action/Decision Finances Scholarship Searches FAFSA Nuts and Bolts What do I need? Where do I start?

School Counseling Web Sites A great place to start!

Introduce counseling staff at this point.

Mention Getin2College for essay, interview questions, spreadsheets and check lists, also handbook for transcripts and self assessments for letters of recommendation

Our Subscription Resource Mention Getin2College for essay, interview questions, spreadsheets and check lists, also handbook for transcripts and self assessments for letters of recommendation

Mixed Emotion Transitions The beginning of the last stage of letting go Scott Peck (Road Less Traveled) refers to life as a series of predictable crises and recommends anticipating those for early processing.

Drawing Comparison The Toddler The Senior Separation Anxiety Developmental Milestones Unpredictable & uncharacteristic behaviors Asserting Independence Periods of regression Unpredictable & uncharacteristic behaviors Note similarities. You may hear your senior in a few different ego states. Example: “Mommy” instead of “Hey Mom” when they are anxious or pulling out Disney movies or reminiscing. “What will I do if questions begin both from parents and students. I asked for directions to program all the clocks when the power goes out etc.

Emotional Landscape Students Anxiety Life decisions Relationship Stresses Change Parents Anxiety Pride & excitement Relationship Stresses Financial Pressure Some of our students are clearly expressing sadness about the “lasts.” They mention “last homecoming” etc. Others are thrilled to be at the top of the ladder. A common feeling is bewilderment that they are seniors and it “is almost over” -

Major decisions Significant Financial Commitment Mind numbing details, procedures, & deadlines Time pressure for students amid pinnacle senior year expectations Time pressure for parents in their own profession entering “the age of mastery.” Stress, excitement, the perfect storm. This will throw people into their stress response mode.

Parent Quotes “People do live through this.” “It will be ok!” “Most of what is so atypical has been experienced by other parents who will be only too willing to relate what becomes (in time) funny stories.” I spoke with several of the staff members who have survived this process with one or more of their own children and they told me to share the following information. Reference the Letting Go Book as a source of many stories that can inform and normalize the things you are experiencing.

Share You’re an adult now; start acting like one. One of the big issues to be grappled with is how to share the responsibility for and authority over the college decision making process and workload involved. You’re an adult now; start acting like one. Don’t worry about it dear, I will call admissions and take care of everything for you. Jon’s great example re. the windshield vs. the road ahead. Reference tools: check lists and spread sheets, maybe make a Google doc but use these to delegate tasks, perform progress checks and celebrate progress.

“It is not a static process “It is not a static process. We keep handing them rope and reeling it back again when we need to.” “Really, the essays and getting them done in time probably caused more stress than anything. Find a way to motivate the kids to get them done in a timely fashion.” …more Quotes “The more the student is able to do independently (with support) the more confident they will be approaching their freshman year of college.” Can use my story about Benj and handing the form through McDonald’s drive through. Mention resources for essay help: paws session, English class lesson, Getin2college section and Write your College Essay in Less than a Day

Counselor Speak When encountering resistance, ask questions to determine source Is it related to the task that needs to be done or is it a reaction to the transition from child to adult? Identified emotions are easier to manage. Help your student “bracket” as a stress management technique. What is the immediate task / concern? Can use my story about Anna and May 1 decision day.

Counselor Speak Cognitive distortion Internalizing Students feel they must make the perfect choice or something catastrophic will happen. Remind them when the choices are between several good options Internalizing When monitoring progress, try to express confidence in your child’s innate ability. Otherwise the message can be “Time for your independence, but I don’t trust your judgment.” Good to make pro con lists. Have criteria for college ranked by importance. Don’t underestimate the importance of atmosphere. Sometimes the best school for graduate study may not be the best school for undergraduate study. Could mention decision making matrix.

“Use your network of social resources and school mentors to help your students when you are concerned. Remember to take care of your own emotional needs through this process” …a few more Quotes “The process does not end with the acceptance letter. Keep monitoring deadlines for immunizations, financial aid, placement tests, housing contracts, etc. Lots of stress can be averted if you show up to college with the right Ethernet cable.” Mom crying trigger stories: Cannon in D and yogurt.

What’s Happening Senior conferences Priority deadlines Transcript requests Letters of recommendation Jes and Shaunti to reference and explain transcripts and letters of recommendation.

Book resources and remind parents of what is on the table Book resources and remind parents of what is on the table. Invite questions. Other Resources

Thank you for taking the time to come in today. Questions? Thank you for taking the time to come in today.