Chapter 8: Family Mediation and a Therapeutic Approach Allan Barsky, JD, MSW, PhD “Conflict Resolution for the Helping Professions”

How is family mediation different from mediation in other contexts? Allan Barsky - Ch 7 Family Mediation & TfM 9/20/2018

Special concerns Power Third Parties Religious beliefs “Broken hearts” Vulnerability Third Parties Who decides Religious beliefs Social expectations “Broken hearts” Laws Allan Barsky - Ch 7 Family Mediation & TfM 9/20/2018

Therapeutic Mediation (TpM) Contrasts with IBM, TfM, and TpM? Line between TpM and Therapy Competence to practice TpM Allan Barsky - Ch 7 Family Mediation & TfM 9/20/2018

Contexts for Family Mediation Separation & Divorce Vs. Marital Conflict Prenuptial & Cohabitation Agreements Parent-Youth Conflict Child Protection Issues Elder Care & Guardianship End-of-Life Family Business Disputes & Estate Planning Allan Barsky - Ch 7 Family Mediation & TfM 9/20/2018

Substantive Knowledge: Family Law Child custody Visitation Child support Spousal support / Alimony Abuse and neglect Privilege Allan Barsky - Ch 7 Family Mediation & TfM 9/20/2018

Substantive Knowledge: Psychosocial Issues Best interests of the children Impact of parental conflict High conflict divorces Alienated children Community resources Allan Barsky - Ch 7 Family Mediation & TfM 9/20/2018

Cultural expectations DIVERSITY Religious beliefs Cultural expectations Gender & socialization Same-gender couples Socioeconomic differences Allan Barsky - Ch 7 Family Mediation & TfM 9/20/2018

PREMEDIATION & CAUCUSING Assess Safety Power Readiness Motivation Resources Allan Barsky - Ch 7 Family Mediation & TfM 9/20/2018

Premediation & Caucusing Process emotions Deal with problematic thoughts Facilitate insights Coping with loss & change Coach re skills Preparing Clients Allan Barsky - Ch 7 Family Mediation & TfM 9/20/2018

Premediation & Caucusing: Power & Safety Issues Ongoing Screening: Coercive, Controlling Violence Violent Resistance Situational Couple Violence Separation-Instigated Violence Mental Health Driven Allan Barsky - Ch 7 Family Mediation & TfM 9/20/2018

Intimate-Partner Abuse: Challenges for Mediators Safety Neutrality and Biases Termination BATMA Confidentiality Relationship with Child Abuse Allan Barsky - Ch 7 Family Mediation & TfM 9/20/2018

Power Balancing Teach assertiveness skills Help more powerful party see pros of collaboration, without coercion Equal opportunity to speak Help parties develop “yesable” options Help parties reassess sources of powers (change perceptions, identify different sources of power) Access to information Link with advocates Allan Barsky - Ch 7 Family Mediation & TfM 9/20/2018

Working with Attorneys Validate role Advice Information Financials Help screen Power Violence Motivation Explain mediation Respond to concerns Sharing information Ethical duties Help clients Prepare Consider options Know BATMA Focus on child Allan Barsky - Ch 7 Family Mediation & TfM 9/20/2018

Therapeutic Strategies & Skills: Family Systems Renegotiate roles, rules, relationships, boundaries Structural questions Strategic questions Circular questions Role-reversal questions Presuppositional questions Predicting the next step Exception-oriented questions Allan Barsky - Ch 7 Family Mediation & TfM 9/20/2018

Therapeutic Strategies & Skills: Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy Correcting misperceptions, misattributions… Asking questions about emergencies Facilitating insights re irrational beliefs Facilitating acceptance – self, other, life Allan Barsky - Ch 7 Family Mediation & TfM 9/20/2018

Therapeutic Strategies & Skills: Narrative Therapy Storytelling Deconstruction of problem-saturated stories Reconstruction in more positive light Externalizing the problem Allan Barsky - Ch 7 Family Mediation & TfM 9/20/2018

Therapeutic Strategies & Skills: Solution-Focused Strategies Looking for exceptions Validating what is working Invite clients to do more of what works Coping questions Miracle questions Scaling Allan Barsky - Ch 7 Family Mediation & TfM 9/20/2018

Involving Children in Mediation Mediator competence Purpose Parental consent Child assent Age & maturity Pre-empt parent pressure Child’s voice: alternatives Allan Barsky - Ch 7 Family Mediation & TfM 9/20/2018

Discussion Questions 1. Ambulance Chasing 2. Preparations 4. Dog Fight 7. Child Focus 8. Skill Factor 11. MOU Allan Barsky - Ch 7 Family Mediation & TfM 9/20/2018

Role-Play 8.1: Diaz Divorce - Preparation Mr. & Mrs. Diaz recently separated Children – Lenny, Skeeter Mediator calls Mr. Diaz’s lawyer, Ms. Lopez Ms. Lopez thinks poorly of mediation Mrs. Diaz has no lawyer Mr. Diaz says his ex is mentally ill Allan Barsky - Ch 7 Family Mediation & TfM 9/20/2018

Role-Play 8.3: Grandparent Rights and Narrative Strategies Fabian – wife, Whitney, died in car accident Lucille – Mother-in-law blame F for drunk driving Three children – Corey, Calla, Charlotte F refuses to allow L to see children Marta – mediator uses narrative approach Allan Barsky - Ch 7 Family Mediation & TfM 9/20/2018

Role-Play 8.4: Parent Youth Conflict Garrison – 15 year old, kicked out for being gay Mr. & Mrs. Penobscott view homosexuality as sin Maxine – mediator Could use family systems strategies: Presuppositional questions Strategic questions Circular questions Or solution-focused strategies: Looking for exceptions Miracle questions Allan Barsky - Ch 7 Family Mediation & TfM 9/20/2018

Major Assignment 8A: Messy Estate Dispute Selma (41) and Suzie (38) – sisters Parents died in car accident No will – not sure how to deal with many items in estate Mona – Mediator (may use Therapeutic or other approach) Do not share confidential facts with other parties until after role-play Allan Barsky - Ch 7 Family Mediation & TfM 9/20/2018

Major Assignment 8B: Separation Anxiety Case Hartley (38) – Atheist Willow (40) – returning to Mormon faith Common law spouses – 14 years, now separated Children – Destinee (8), Stefan (14) Allegations that Hartley is emotionally abusive, and Willow is a wingnut Willow plans to move to go to colllege and take children with Melala - mediator Allan Barsky - Ch 7 Family Mediation & TfM 9/20/2018