Revising and editing codrutagosa@yahoo.co.uk

Write focused sentences Use significant subjects Unfocused sentence from an essay entitled Should you try to get a tan You run the greatest risk if you expose yourself to a tanning machine as well as the sun. Because both of them can damage the skin.

The reader’s response Why are the most important subjects (the sun and machines) obscured in the middle of the sentence Possible revision: Either the sun or a tanning machine can damage the skin and you run the greatest risk if you expose yourself to both of them.

Avoid unnecessary nominalisation When you create a noun from some other kind of word Example from an essay entitled How to get a good night’s sleep Stimulation of the production of serotonin by a glass of milk causes sleepiness.

The reader’s response The sentence draws attention to the nominalised word stimulation rather than to milk and snack important to how to Possible revision: A glass of milk stimulates the production of serotonin and causes sleepiness.

Use clear and specific verbs clearly related to the subjects Clear, specific verbs make sentences forceful and easy to understand Example: Our agency is responsible for all aspects of disaster relief.

The reader’s response The sentence is too vague and weak Possible revision: Our agency plans, funds, delivers and monitors disaster relief.

Use expletive constructions sparingly They are used in indirect sentences (there is, there are, it is) Example: It is important for us to raise more capital in order to continue developing new products.

The reader’s response The sentence is too wordy an hard to understand. Possible revision: We must raise more capital in order to continue developing new products.

Using passive voice with care You de-emphasise the doer and create wordier versions of sentences. Example: The explosion and fire at the refinery were caused by poorly trained contract workers.

The reader’s response The emphasis is on the result Possible revision: Poorly trained contract workers caused the explosion and fire at the refinery. The emphasis is on the cause

Creating emphasis Take into account the following ’normal’ patterns for the English language End-weighting (what you want to highlight comes at the end of the sentence) Given vs. new information (the new information is introduced towards the end of the sentence)

Examples: Alice saw the things. Alice saw the things then. It was Alice who saw the things.

Create emphatic sentence patterns Use inversions Examples: Normal The lecturer’s voice thundered from the back of the auditorium. Inverted From the back of the auditorium thundered the lecturer’s voice.

Use climactic order sentences that build to a climax to the last element Example: What every true modern home has is a dishwasher, a gas grill, a Jacuzzi and a divorce.

Create periodic sentences – by piling up phrases and clauses, delaying the main clause Example: Because she loves perfection yet fears failure, and because she believes that risk-taking does not eliminate attention to detail, Sarah is working eighteen hours a day to finish her project.

When you revise and edit make sure you focus on: Writing effective sentences with the appropriate focus with appropriate nominalisation With clear, specific verbs Create emphasis where appropriate Inversion Climatctic sentences Periodic sentences